Please help me get control of my kids!

[Mamasgonecrazy1]

I am not a natural disciplinarian. My kids are wild and ruling the roost. I need some help to get some order! I am a single parent to 3 kids working P/T so really just need tips on crowd control and managing them. I'm not looking at the long term effects so much as the immediate issues like sleep, eating, not living in a total pit and getting to childcare/school/work on time. Thank you in advance

Routine. They have to be up at a certain time when you have work and they need to be at childcare/school. Breakfast at a certain time dressed etc by a certain time and always leave yourself 10 mins or so so say if you have to leave the house at 8am everyone is done and sorted by 7:50 that way if you’re running a bit behind you have a buffer.

You don’t say how old the kids are but tidying up should be a family thing. I have a chose it use it out it back motto in my house. (Single mum, 2 kids, full time job). My 5 year old wants to play play doh when she’s finished it goes back in the tubs and gets put away. There’s no need for toys and god knows what everywhere and they also learn to respect their things this way. I work 9-5 Monday to Friday so I usually get the kids bathed and in bed by 7:30 then do a 15 min blitz. Basically wash pots, wipe over sides and wiz the Hoover round.

Consequences for not listening or behaving badly and follow through with it no matter how much they whine.

8, 3 and 2. I tend to end up cleaning ALL weekend just for it to look like I haven't even bothered. They can trash a room in minutes.

Have you time to read a book if I promise it’s really useful?

This is brilliant.

How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1848123094/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fabc_v2i7Fb74XMRNA?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Depending on how old your DC are there’s a version for 2-7s and another for teens.

Some good points @Fluffyunicorn1
Not sure on discipline as they don't seem to care about things being taken away, screen time, pocket money, any of it.

The 3 and 2 year old can go into time out, 8 year old can go to bedroom as “thinking time”. It’s hard on your own I know but it does get easier especially with good routine. I have to be out the house by 8am my 2 are 10 and 5. We are fed and ready by 7:50 most of the time. I drop them with childminder and currently work from home but normally would be in the office by 9. Pick kids up and are home by 5:30ish I give them a snack like toast or a bagel or something. We read/do any homework then baths/showers and bed by half 7. Then I tidy up. I find keeping on top of it daily helps but the kids have to out their things away. If they didn’t I’d be putting it away and telling them they can sit on the sofa and do nothing until they can help tidy up. Especially the 8 year old. They’re old enough to be doing other jobs around the house too.

I know you say you’re not a natural disciplinarian but I think you need to get a bit tougher and firmer. Stick to what you say and if they can’t follow the instructions there are consequences

Following as my DC are running me ragged, they are feral. Also single parent full time NHS worker, DC 11, 7 and 4DT’s- somebody help me. I can’t even go to the supermarket with them.

I think you need to work on one thing at a time - decide what your expectations are and communicate these to your children. Then teach them/ help them follow these expectations. You might not decide to use consequences - there are certainly alternatives to this approach. But it does sound like you need to take some time to think about what you want to achieve.
Two newish books I really like:
Philippa Perry - the book you wish your parents had read...
Ross Greene - Raising Human Beings
For consequences, if that’s what you would prefer to use - try ‘1,2,3 Magic’.
Sounds like you’re always firefighting with no time for enjoyment. Good luck.

I second routine.

If they have too many toys, then pack some away and rotate them (esp for the younger ones).

Regular "tidy up time" before lunch and again before dinner. You will need to supervise and micromanage but they can put away as well as disembowl. Lots of praise but be consistent. Each and every night so it becomes normal.

For school, stuff put out and bag packed the night before. Again, you'll have to supervise now but by age 9 or 10 you shouldn't need to any more.

Give them each simple household jobs that they do every day eg laying table or putting dirty clothes in the wash. When mine were age 8/9 they preferred more "grown up" jobs so I taught them how to do laundry, clean the bathroom and hoover. The hardest thing is getting them into a helping mindset.

It's really hard to impose a routine when I have no discipline myself. I can't seem to stick to the routine or discipline. I just want them to behave for even 5 minutes!

I know I need to sort it out. I'm so drained by it. I just count down the time until bedtime. They fight, squabble, scream, shout. It's miserable. It was better before covid. Now every day is the same. Nothing to look forward to. We used to have fun. Now everyone is just stressed and bored.

Just pick the biggest stressor and start there. Mornings are worst for me. We have a rigid routine which stops me losing my mind. Breakfast bowls etc laid out the night before, they eat breakfast supervises then go straight up and brush teeth then get dressed. If they fuck around I supervise this. I've laid the clothes out night before. Then they must go downstairs and out their shoes on and their school bags must be ready. Then only can they go and watch tv until it's time to go, this gives me 15 minutes to get ready uninterrupted. When it's 5 minutes to go I bellow down the stairs they need to get in the car (I have a drive to be fair) and dd1 unlocks the car and outs the keys back on the peg. I have managed to get rid of the last minute fuck arsing a round that makes me really stressed. Give it a try xx