To think some friendships just run their course?

[DobbleQueen]

I have a friend- I'll call her Sarah. Sarah I became friends about 8 years ago when our eldest kids were about 5. Our eldest kids are not friends- girl/boy, teenagers, different schools.

We both have a younger child the same age who attend same preschool that are firm friends. I am that child's godmother.

However, my friendship with Sarah seems to have petered out. She met a new man about 4 years ago - she was the OW and I was against this. She accidentally on purpose got pregnant and he left his wife and son. He hasn't seen son in 2 years now- Sarah is vocal that "she won" and I find it difficult but have tried to overlook it as they had the baby and got married about 18 months ago. Another baby followed and is now 11 months old.

They have no money- and are in a lot of debt - about 60% of their joint annual income. That's not a problem to me but does mean she has declined to go out for meals/drinks/play dates over last two years and I find myself getting annoyed when she texts me pictures of their latest matching Next outfits while saying she can't afford to go halves on a bottle at the local pub. I'll be honest that I don't enjoy going to her home instead of going out; its often a mess and her children are not well behaved. She often says "oh you must think I'm a right slob" and to be honest, lately- I do. I've spent a lot of time wondering if I unintentionally make her feel inferior; I hope not and I don't think so, I have other close friends that I find it much easier to be friends with and don't doubt myself like this.

Last month she asked me to borrow £40 to pay for her MOT. I paid it straight away as I know her husband has been furloughed since March and money must be tight. It wasn't really an issue if she didn't pay it back; I was happy to help.

Last week, I dropped a birthday pressie on doorstep (birthday is a couple of days before Xmas) and text her to wish her happy birthday; she replies to say the kids bought her some new boots (£160 ) along with perfume, new purse etc... DH told me to let it go.

This morning, she has text me a scan photo announcing she's 13 weeks pregnant. I want to congratulate her but in reality I'm not happy for her and I think I need to be honest that our friendship is over. Of course, I will reply with congratulations but then just back away?

AIBU?

Yes I think some friendships do just run their course.
Funny enough this yes I’ve had a couple like that. I just gently back away and am vague. It’s easier than an confrontation - which would have little point imo.

She sounds awful to be hones. You don't have to have the same friends forever. No more lending money or paying for things. Just let the friendship wither, her morals sound terrible!

You don't sound as if you like her much - why bother?

I do think some friendships run their course, and that’s okay - no-one said they are meant to last forever anyway.

Yes, back away.
She sounds grabby and it's so rude not to even mention paying back the £40!
No proper thanks either for the gift? Just bragging about what she's got.
I hope you didn't spend much on her.
She's certainly not very deserving.

I wouldn't want to be friends with her. Her and her husband just sound awful.

You don’t have to have her in your life. Text congratulations and then back away.

Sorry but to put it bluntly, she sounds like a waste of space.
I couldn't be friends with someone who encouraged their new husband to basically abandon their first born. Pathetic.
I would just not bother responding to her and find some nicer friends.

You clearly don't like her anymore, I think you should back away from the friendship and concentrate on the friendships you have with people you enjoy being around.

I do think some friendships run their course -- and this woman sounds like a bit of an arse.

But I think its worth remembering that friendships wax and wane according to what's going on in people's lives.

You see a lot of posts on here from people who are bemoaning the fact a friend is not there for them because of a) a new partner b) kids c) job d) having moved, and this understandably creates distance.

But people are very quick to assume that its terminal. In fact friendships go through stages and these people can drift back into your life after a period when they have come through whatever stage it is. I had a great friend who I lost for the best part of a decade because her then partner was a controlling arse. When they split up we became friends again.

Things change, lives change, people move forward. Don't write people off and be flexible.

Yes, friendships can wane and wane. It can hurt when it happens.
I would congratulate her and then forget about her.

Yes it can run its course. I found that with a friend too unless I did all the chasing.. she doesnt sound too sincere

Some friendships do just die out. She doesn't sound very nice

Think this ones run it’s course. Doesn’t sound like you really like her any more, some of her choices don’t sound that sensible or nice tbh

I'd find it hard keeping this friendship going in the knowledge that her husband has abandoned his first child and she is seemingly happy with that, let alone the other stuff.

I'd step right back, reply to messages in a basic manner and send Birthdays cards etc if reciprocated. I'd certainly not be lending any more money. She'll soon get the message.

Thanks all. I think you're right, I don't really like her that much anymore and to be fair she probably thinks I'm a judgy bitch!

He hasn't seen son in 2 years now- Sarah is vocal that "she won"

Urrgh for this alone yanbu to withdraw from this woman.

It sounds as if you had one of those 'same time same place' friendships, like university, work school gate that grew to mean a bit more.

It does come across as those you don't approve of her choices (I wouldn't and would struggle to be friends with her on the basis of what you:be written). She doesn't want to meet you for drinks or meals any more. Perhaps she also feels that you are flogging a dead horse. I think it will be easy to fade into the background with a quick - Hi how you doing at th school gate.

You probably know you won't be getting your 40 quid back. Send the text below, you can remind her you haven't forgotten and wont feel the need to buy baby gifts.

'Congratulations to you all. Instead of giving me the £40.00 you borrowed, buy something for the baby'

I'm a believer in the expression that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Your friend sounds like the 'season' variety. That's life.

I’d just let this one dwindle. Don’t issue any invitations or initiate contact. My bet is she won’t make the effort.