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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to be self conscious about going back to work?

33 replies

DavidNowie · 30/12/2020 01:33

I’ve worked at home since March and during that time I’ve lost 4 stones had my stained teeth whitened started wearing make up and generally look pretty different!

I’d been suffering with depression for about 6 years, been in my job 4 years of that and have really not paid attention to my appearance during that time, people would probably describe me as scruffy or dowdy. In March I decided to prioritise some time for me and have enjoyed the process of getting fitter and wearing make up and buying flattering fashionable clothes. Now I’m feeling really self conscious to go back to work, to the point I’m considering no make up hair In a messy bun and old clothes because I feel really anxious about any attention on my appearance, even though I know it would be positive. I know some people have noticed a bit on teams calls but I sit in front of a massive window so because I’m backlit my face is in shadow or I just have my camera off , so no one has properly seen the changes. I know this is a total overreaction and I actually don’t think I will be back until halfway through the year but am getting anxious about it already! Am I being totally unreasonable maybe people will forget what I looked like before?

OP posts:

AIMD · 30/12/2020 01:43

I’m sure people will comment initially if you look very but it’ll only take a short time for them to adjust.

Would it be easier to start being more visible in short teams meetings so people see how you have changed before you actually go back to work?

Thing is I’m sure a fair few other people will look different too ( weight gain/loss, hair colour changes etc). So most people will look a little different.

Original poster

DavidNowie · 30/12/2020 01:47

@AIMD

I’m sure people will comment initially if you look very but it’ll only take a short time for them to adjust.

Would it be easier to start being more visible in short teams meetings so people see how you have changed before you actually go back to work?

Thing is I’m sure a fair few other people will look different too ( weight gain/loss, hair colour changes etc). So most people will look a little different.

That’s an excellent point about everyone looking different! A year is a long time, here’s me being all self absorbed ;)

And actually that’s not a bad idea about being more visible on teams calls, less of a shock when people see me, I’d been avoiding being very visible to avoid comments but if I feel too awkward I can just hang up and cite network issues ;)

OP posts:

Glitteryone · 30/12/2020 02:42

Wow amazing! Well done you.

Please don’t down play the improvements that you’ve made to yourself. Go in with your head held high and be proud of what you’ve achieved.

grassisjeweled · 30/12/2020 02:45

I'd start as you mean to go on and put your camera on so people can see your achievement.

And wear the make up and wear your lovely new clothes!

You've done fabulously well 💐

PurpleFlower1983 · 30/12/2020 02:51

Well done you!

Aquamarine1029 · 30/12/2020 02:58

First of all, you should be so proud of what you've accomplished regarding your health and weight loss. What an incredible achievement! Well done!

Secondly, I expect you will get comments, but I assure you they will all be positive. Your colleagues will be as impressed as we all are.

You are definitely overthinking this, and I really hope you can stop worrying about what anyone thinks, positive or negative. What they think is not your problem. Walk in there with your head held high. You've earned it.

titan89 · 30/12/2020 02:59

Well done, excellent achievement, why the hell would you feel self conscious? Unless you need others to validate you, which you know you don't.;

happystone · 30/12/2020 03:01

Well done be proud of yourself you deserve it

BlueThistles · 30/12/2020 03:16

OP...you should be very proud of yourself... fantastic weight loss

MerchantOfVenom · 30/12/2020 03:25

I get it - I would feel self conscious, as I hate being the centre of attention, that’s regardless of whether it’s for positive or negative reasons.

But the others are right - start being more viable now. And never forget, you will be waaaaay more preoccupied with yourself than anyone else ever will be!

Sure, you’ll probably get a few comments, but nowhere near what you’re anxiously anticipating, and people will quickly move on.

Happyhappyday · 30/12/2020 03:52

I'm a retail buyer and met a colleague for the first time by chance in one of our stores, she was 22 weeks pregnant and hadn't told anyone yet. You won't be the one with the biggest change!

Monkeytennis97 · 30/12/2020 04:14

I lost 5 stone during March-September and went back to work (school). Kids thought I was a supply teacher! Comments were lovely though :) Enjoy!

VashtaNerada · 30/12/2020 04:39

I bet they react less than you expect! Some people will have no idea what to say. Just practice a standard line like “thanks, yes I did lose some weight” or whatever.

Monty27 · 30/12/2020 04:45

Congratulations OP
What you have done is so positive..
Accept compliments with pride and people will soon adjust to the new you
💐👍

ApolloandDaphne · 30/12/2020 05:05

People will comment but only because you have done an amazing thing. You need to try and accept the compliments. After a short while they will be used to the new you and I am sure things will settle down. Well done. I wish I had done what you have done!

missmouse101 · 30/12/2020 05:11

What? I'm genuinely confused? Why on earth are you not as pleased as punch and really enjoying your new look? I'd be skipping to work, twirling round lamp posts and really proud. What a total waste of a lovely opportunity. The only problem and barrier here is your thinking OP. It's completely in your head.

userxx · 30/12/2020 05:11

God no, you get your arse into work and strut around like a peacock!! You've clearly worked hard for such good results.

Sadly I'm the opposite way around, looked great pre covid 🤷‍♂️

whatwedontknow · 30/12/2020 05:24

Well done you, that’s amazing. I would definitely be more visible on camera. I do understand why you feel you can’t just walk in a totally different woman without feeling self conscious. You could do it gradually though, face on camera, then sit further back.

If your meetings are large you might not always be on screen or smaller so that people don’t notice so much so keep that camera on. I do find that I look at myself more than others during these meetings. I don’t know why my eyes keep dropping to me, I’ve never seen myself as much.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/12/2020 05:29

God no, you get your arse into work and strut around like a peacock!! You've clearly worked hard for such good results.

I completely agree. Don't just strut about, wear a sparkling tiara with a neon sign over your head reading "I'M AMAZING."

TanglinOrchards · 30/12/2020 05:35

@Aquamarine1029

God no, you get your arse into work and strut around like a peacock!! You've clearly worked hard for such good results.

I completely agree. Don't just strut about, wear a sparkling tiara with a neon sign over your head reading "I'M AMAZING."

There are sadly few occasions where one can where a tiara but I agree this is one of them.

KarmaNoMore · 30/12/2020 06:01

Honestly, everybody is looking different after so many months at home. Be yourself, your new self.

WhatILoved · 30/12/2020 06:11

Well done 4 stone is an achievement to be proud of! Think of all the people who will have gone the other way during lockdown. You should go in there proud (when this eventually happens!!)

StopSquirtingBleachOnCaneToads · 30/12/2020 06:20

That weight loss is fantastic, you should be very proud of it, don't hide it.

NoNarniaBecauseLipstick · 30/12/2020 06:42

I understand OP. I prefer to be invisible too. But I think that once your colleagues are over the initial surprise, it won’t take them long to adjust and any comments won’t last long.

Well done. It’s a massive achievement.

thosetalesofunexpected · 30/12/2020 06:48

Hi Op
Be Proud of yourself,
You are inspiration to other's.!

especially being motivated,when struggling from emotional difficulties,an amongst a pandemic .too.
Well impressed.😊[

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