Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flaky bff, how to respond

6 replies

Holdmydominos · 29/12/2020 23:46

For over a year now have been having issues with best friend, friendship goes back 16 years (since we were 10) so basically family, we used to be inseparable.

She began a relationship 2 years ago and every time we have met has used him for excuses - can’t stay late, need to provide moral support to him from first day of work etc etc. She was also unwell herself and stopped seeing friends for that reason. We live far away so have been asking her for zooms/chats on the phone etc etc and always says yes but then cancels as she doesn’t feel up to it. The last two times we have met in the last year have always been at my instigation. She still sees his family and lives with him.

She cancelled a chat we were meant to have this week (phone) and when I replied a bit tersely, she asked if things were tense and that she still misses me and thinks about me a lot. Really nice but how can we actually stay friends if we never meet and are never in contact?! She does text occasionally but it’s very surface level. Also we were both on furlough, neither have children and no other commitments - so if we did have time, it would be now, we are both time rich to be honest.

How do I reply? What do I do? I am really hurt and upset by the lack of effort.

OP posts:
Holdmydominos · 29/12/2020 23:47

Her excuses are always I don’t feel too well / I don’t feel well enough to venture out / I need to be with him for support this week / hopefully things will be better next year. Has been like this for a year now

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/12/2020 23:50

Is she in a controlling or coercive relationship with this man? It could be him systematically isolating her from her friends and support network.

Holdmydominos · 29/12/2020 23:53

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius I have considered this but I know she sees other friends and not me! Or our other close friend. I also don’t know how to approach. She is very close to her family and they live very nearby so I assumed they would step in too

OP posts:
Dita73 · 29/12/2020 23:55

How do you get on with her partner?

Candlesticking · 29/12/2020 23:56

Maybe this year has turned her in on herself, on top of her illness leaving her energy even for online ‘socialising’ low? I’ve certainly been in only the most minimal touch with my closest friends during 2020, but they understand.

Holdmydominos · 30/12/2020 00:05

@Candlesticking I completely understand that but have suggested the odd walk etc. I would have thought if that were the case she would explain - instead I just feel stuck in a bit of a limbo. Added to this, I’m single and by myself in a heavily locked down area, I am trying to be understanding but also have struggles of my own. I can’t second guess. If someone doesn’t directly spell it out I’m not sure how I would be able to guess that

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page