To feel let down by my work colleagues?

[andpeggy1]

I've worked in my dept for 6 years, and as individual teams in the dept we all get on really well. We've always celebrated peoples birthdays in the dept with a card and desk decorating, and that's not changed even when the dept grew to 40 plus people.

Throughout lockdown we have tried keeping this tradition alive by getting everyone to put a message on a card and sending it to someone's house Iva moon pig etc. I've made sure that no one has been forgotten during this time as we are all working from home, some arnt coping with it as well as others (me being one of them, I've found this really rough, with no end insight) and like this was a good way to keep that caring human contact our dept is known for in tact.

It's my birthday today, and I've received loads of lovely cards from friends and family, but nothing from work. Like I know it's not obligatory but I can't help feel a little sad. It feels like I Clearly I think more of others than they do of me. I'm
Not someone who gives to receive, i love doing things for others. But it does feel a bit oh ok

Oh pants that is a bit rubbish isn't it. But is it just you organising it? Did your work colleagues know it was your birthday?

Post is slow.... maybe it’s a royal mail fail?

Oh that’s a shame, but maybe it’s just not arrived yet?

Is it a normal working day for your company or are most people on holiday, I know that’s not an excuse but what with Christmas/holidays maybe it’s been held up?

Ahh, that’s rubbish. It’s probably just the timing; with Christmas and the Covid stresses and things... but that’s not going to make it any more disappointing for you

Is there any chance it’s stuck in the Royal Mail delays? We haven’t received some Christmas cards sent in mid December yet...

I’d really try not to read too much into this. It’s far more likely that people have just been a bit lost in Christmas and selfish than that it’s any reflection on what they think of you.

1. Post has been massively delayed, could be that.
2. Might be a sign to knock the card on the head if colleagues aren't into it.

I would be a bit hurt too but you cannot control their actions, only how you respond

Ps
Happy birthday x

The post is really slow at the moment so hopefully it’s just that. But it may be that they always rely on you to organise it and all assumed someone else would organise yours. I’m sure it’s not personal, try not to let it get you down.

Oh and Happy Birthday btw 🎉🎁🎈🎂💐

I wouldn't assume, from bitter experience, that someone will organise it just because you have done everyone else's.

Happy Birthday OP 🥳 🎉
I’m sorry to hear this, as others have said it’s possible it’s late due to post issues. I have a birthday close to Christmas too and I often feel it’s a nuisance to people because all their energies go into Christmas understandably.

Yea my colleagues know it's my birthday. Well Atleast over half deffo know I have a birthday end of December, so surely one of them would think?

Yea actually I hadn't thought that royal mails been slow so maybe not alls lost.

Like I shouldn't even be sad, I've had lots of lovely messages and cards from other people in my life.

If it is usually you organising then maybe see if you can recruit someone else (who is fairly organised), just say that now the team has grown it would be really useful to have someone to share the tasks with. It is great that you have lots of friends and family outside of work too.

I think this is a hard time of year for anything that would normally happen work-wise. I wouldn’t take it personally. I know many people simply want to switch off entirely from work.

Maybe it’s not malicious. If you’re usually the one arranging work birthday cards, no one else would really be able to step in as it isn’t part of their role if that makes sense? You have taken ownership.

Do you pay for the cards out of your own pocket or does your company pay - can others access the company’s funds if the latter?

Also do your colleagues know the card is from you personally? They may assume it was generically arranged by work, rather than you going out of your way. So they assumed “work” would have sorted your birthday card out.

That sounds such a tiresome thing to do for 40 people - desk decorating FFS! - that, honestly, nobody is going to step in and do it for you. They're probably hoping it will quietly die out! The people who matter to you have remembered. How much fuss do you need?

Happy birthday.

I'd put it down to your birthday being just after Christmas. Hope you have not been someone who had joint Christmas/birthday presents too much as a child.

With 40 people you must be doing this desk decorating card bit constantly. Perhaps people just go with it because it's expected and you organize it as opposed to because they are really invested in the practice. I get along with people from work but I'm busy and honestly can't stand this type of thing. I know the practice seems nice but everyone's different - birthdays are just not a big deal to lots of adults.

Having family and friends who have been thoughtful around it - that's amazing, I'd focus on that.

This happened to me and I am afraid I snapped. I am the one who organises the cake (gluten free when required) and was somewhat pissed off when no one bothered about my 60th, so I don't bother now, either. And the chocolate sweet bowl on my desk went empty for several months, petty I know, but it was really hurtful at the time.

@katy1213

That sounds such a tiresome thing to do for 40 people - desk decorating FFS! - that, honestly, nobody is going to step in and do it for you. They're probably hoping it will quietly die out! The people who matter to you have remembered. How much fuss do you need?

I'm sorry you are feeling let down by this OP but I have to agree with this.

Many people don't really see work colleagues in the same light, they are just work colleagues and when a department gets quite big these things do tend to die out and people might do their own thing with their closer friends.

My boss is quite similar to you in that she sees work colleagues as a sort of family which is all very nice but many people really don't so it won't even cross their mind to even wish a work colleague a happy birthday, let alone buy a card.

My boss is obsessed with wishing people a Happy Birthday to the entire company on Teams and has actually made it one of my duties which I find really cringy and unnatural especially as I can go months without even saying a word to some of these people - I'm just not one of those types of people, I don't wish acquaintances I don't really know a Happy Birthday on Facebook like some people do and only really say HB to friends I know on WhatsApp. I constantly forget to do this at work and it's really stressful because my boss makes such a big deal out of it. I just want it to die out.

This happened to me recently so you’re not alone OP. There are only 15 in our team & everyone else has had a fuss made of their birthday during lockdown except for me. They definitely knew it was my birthday as well, I get on really well with my colleagues & arrange meet ups outside of work etc. I just don’t understand it.

OP it might be the case or not, but I’ve now sent two Xmas cards to my folks, neither of which have arrived!

I don’t understand how people (always women IME) have the time/energy to do this at work, on top of their job/life.

I think it could've just the mail being delayed

Also everyone is very busy around Christmas - it is a hard time of year to have a birthday for this reason!

But also, if I'm honest, I wouldn't organise a card even if you organised one for me - I try really hard to dissuade colleagues, I don't like a fuss, and I just wouldn't return the 'favour' because to me it isnt a favour iyswim. You may have a couple of people like that.

Are you the one organising this, for 40 people?!

I think there is an element of timing here - presumably much of your department are on holiday today, and all of them in the 4 days running up to your actual birthday? (Xmas Day, weekend, Boxing Day bank holiday) it’s the very worst time.

But if it’s always you organising it, there’s no mechanism to include you. No-one who realises they should be checking the birthday list. Even people who might happily have organised it, don’t know it’s needed.

I expect you’ll find though that most people just don’t care about this stuff. If I worked in your office, rather than feeling happy about the desk decorating, I’d just feel it was my “turn”. Yeah, it’s nice - but it’s not personal. I’d actually rather have someone come up and say, “hey - did I just overhear it was your birthday? Have a good one!” with genuine good wishes, than an “event” that would feel more to me like a forced team building stunt. Sorry.

Have a great birthday - put this aside! It’s not personal, I’m sure!

It’s always the people who organise these things that get overlooked when it’s their turn unfortunately. Nobody else has to even think about it.
Our office manager’s husband died during lockdown and nobody thought to send a card or flowers. I realised and sent a bouquet and card and got the money back from the CEO.
Maybe stop doing it from now on, and let them realise.

Hi Op
Happy Birthday
Best wishes of the day.
[ x

I’d feel sad too. Don’t go organising anything for anyone else at work again.