It is dawning on me that even if I do not catch Covid at all.. the pandemic is at best going to see me disabled to a point where I have no independence or ability to work for myself.
My ops to fix/halt nerve damage were cancelled due to covid.
As a result my mobility has dropped by around 50% in total and probably 80% of my 'use of my own arms'.
My pain levels are sky high most days, I don't sleep for more than an hour, I scream and cry regularly as a result of pain, multiple times a day from subluxations that trap nerves and ligaments and render limbs useless.
I have a bunch of other conditions which would normally be monitored in person at regular consultant appointments that I now get telephone appointments for, so no one has a clue what my heart is actually like now and despite being on a list to have another 24 hour monitor that hasn't happened yet.
I live in an inaccessible house, I haven't showered since march due to the changes in my mobility, I now need much more personal care which is pretty unpleasant. I won't get help with this in a time frame that actually helps me, it was a lengthy wait before covid for DFG funded adaptations, its not happening at all now.
The reality is that by the time anyone can see me and do anything, it'll be too late for me.
And in general the feeling is that this is ok because I am disabled and the disabled and old and vulnerable are an acceptable price to pay, we are disposable, we do not matter.
And despite all THAT... I STILL feel pretty fucking lucky that I do not have to work in a hospital, that I do not HAVE to go outside, I don't have to deal first hand with people dying of covid, or even second or third hand.
But I do feel like most of the country is wholly unaware of the indirect disability and death that covid is causing.