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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Crazy SIL part 4

29 replies

MariaK91 · 29/12/2020 12:10

4th post about SIL. Yep.

I thanked her for our gifts and hoped her day was good. The response: her having a go at our 'lack of effort', her disappointment & there's a 'big (£) difference' in what we got her vs what she got us which I really don't think there is!! We spent well over £100 on her 3 unit family on stuff SHE TOLD US TO GET and does the exact ££ really matter that much?

Failing to see why she's sent me these messages! I told her to speak to DH and she kept saying stuff like 'no point, I'm lucky I even got a gift, he made it clear he wasn't happy to begin with, maybe I need to be less generous' It's so horrible and bratty! Like she's amazing and we're rubbish! DH told her we were uncomfortable with how expensive the gifts she wanted were and knowing our discomfort shes still not grateful we went above our means. Apparently it was not enough!!!

If she doesn't want me to pass on the sentiment why message me in the first place (obvs I showed DH anyway) the gifts were from both of us so is she just trying to be mean? I've never had anyone be like this before, we would never give anyone gifts we knew were rubbish. I'm really hurt, AIBU to say we won't be doing gifts again after this.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 29/12/2020 12:13

Tell her this is 12 months notice that you’re not doing presents next year. You’ll get the children something small, but not adults. Then she won’t need to be so disappointed next year.

AutoIncorrect · 29/12/2020 12:34

I’d give her her gifts back and tell her exactly where she can shove them too.

WorraLiberty · 29/12/2020 12:39

4 threads about the same woman?

I haven't read any of them but obviously you need to distance yourself and get on with your life.

It's far too short to be typing out all the 'She said/we said' etc on the internet and anyway, there's always two sides to every story and MN can only advise on your side of it.

MaryLeeOnHigh · 29/12/2020 12:40

Definitely tell her no more presents, it obviously only causes bad feeling.

Gatehouse77 · 29/12/2020 12:42

In this situation I’d be talking to DH and agreeing to stop exchanging gifts between you. More to spend on the people who appreciate it.

Aquamarine1029 · 29/12/2020 12:45

I can't understand why you're even talking to her. Let your husband handle all communication and be rid of her.

Butterymuffin · 29/12/2020 12:46

I don't know why you did gifts this year tbh. Get DH to send her a message saying that since the gift giving seems to cause more upset than pleasure, you're going to stop doing it from now on. You should block her to avoid any more messages.

edenhills · 29/12/2020 12:58

Did dh get a present from his dad in the end?

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/12/2020 13:01

I’m NC with mine. I can thoroughly recommend this approach.

It took her being particularly vile to our dd on what was a very difficult day for our family.

Scolha · 29/12/2020 13:03

Simple. Just say no more presents ever again because she doesn’t deserve them if she’s going to be an ungrateful bitch about it.
Don’t apologise to her.
Don’t enable her.

What a bitch.

Original poster
MariaK91 · 29/12/2020 13:03

@edenhills

Did dh get a present from his dad in the end?
Nope, nothing from his dad. Not heard from him at all.
OP posts:
Winter2020 · 29/12/2020 13:06

Agree with others. Say “We won’t be buying gifts for adults after this year - causes too much upset.”

2bazookas · 29/12/2020 13:14

Look on the bright side, folks. Christmas and birthdays are going to be very different in future. Now you all know there's no point wasting time and money choosing thoughtful gifts for ungrateful tossers who only care what it cost. So you needn't bother any more.

BlueThistles · 29/12/2020 13:24

draw a line under the Gifts for next year... say it now.. we're not doing gifts for adults next year.. Xmas Grin

Pr1mr0se · 29/12/2020 13:26

I think the stress of lockdown/ restrictions and Christmas have got to her. Give her, and you, some breathing space and move on.

Beautiful3 · 29/12/2020 13:57

Agree with the others suggesting, "we've decided not to do presents next year."

2020isalmosthindsight · 29/12/2020 14:00

i agree with giving her notice now that you'll never be buying gifts for her or her family again. Including birthdays. Ungrateful cow.

Callipygion · 29/12/2020 14:32

Bloody hell, what an ungrateful spoilt brat cow she is. I’d package all her ‘gifts’ up and tell her I will return them to her so she can get her money back.

Cheeseboardandmincepies · 29/12/2020 14:34

Just tell her simple not to expect anymore gifts from you for birthdays or Christmas in future and then distance yourself.... why haven’t you already done this? You’re fuelling the fire by entertaining it.

MinervaSaidThar · 29/12/2020 14:44

Any chance of a link to previous threads? Smile

ReginaTheEvilQueen · 29/12/2020 14:52

Wow what a bitchy ungrateful cow! I remember reading your original thread op, did bil go to work in the end?

Original poster
MariaK91 · 29/12/2020 15:15

@MinervaSaidThar

Any chance of a link to previous threads? Smile
Sure: part 1 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4097649-Christmas-is-cancelled?msgid=102326351#102326351 part 2 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4110197-How-to-handle-this-xmasdrama?msgid=102740962#102740962 part 3 www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4116828-Is-it-that-hard-to-say-thank-you?msgid=102977029#102977029

Ironically in the third post I was gutted she ignored my message saying thank you and hope you had a nice day. I didn't realise how lucky I was to get ignored because now she finally has replied I think I'd prefer it if she'd just continued ignoring me!!

OP posts:
Original poster
MariaK91 · 29/12/2020 15:24

@ReginaTheEvilQueen

Wow what a bitchy ungrateful cow! I remember reading your original thread op, did bil go to work in the end?
No idea! We were put in tier 4 so got out of having Christmas with them (one benefit of tier 4!). Although as DH was working, when he wasn't out on shift he kept the work radio on in case and there was a lot of chatter over the day but not a peep from BIL so I'd guess he didn't go to work or he did the bare minimum. Glad DH didnt have to get involved.
OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 29/12/2020 15:44

She is running rings around you. Both of you need to stand up to her as others have said
no more presents from now on since it causes so much upset and you don't understand why since you bought exactly what she asked for and it was more than you could afford, so you don't expect nasty texts.
And take a BIG step back. Don't let her use the rest of the family to manipulate you either. Just say no more.

MrsClatterbuck · 29/12/2020 16:44

I think you both need to take a big step back. You went beyond your means and bought her exactly what she wanted and still she treated you both like shit. So you would have been better not to have give into her demands because she would have still treated you both badly but at least you would still have your money. One way of looking at it is you paid out money to get treated badly. I would ignore from now on and go LC with them including FIL. Seeing as she is the one who benefits from FIL she can deal with him when he needs care because he doesn't sound like he will be easy to look after.