Emotional abuse in ‘It’s a wonderful life’?

[Still1nLove]

Maybe iabu but.......

I have always loved the movie ‘It’s a wonderful life’, but I watched it this year and saw what I perceived as emotional abuse from George Bailey, directed at his wife Mary. He only seems to be nice to her when things are going well and then he shouts at her and his kids when he is in turmoil. They are expected to suck it up and support him when he is clearly being a total arse!

I know that this year I am having personal issues which are (maybe) distorting my view of what is supposed to be a heart warming film. My DH is being emotionally distant and there are some elements of gaslighting from him (I’m dealing with this and considering my future with him), but tell me, am I being unreasonable that I don’t like George Bailey anymore?

I've thought it for a long time. He actually has quite a good life, not the one he planned but a good one all the same. His angst and dissatisfaction and his taking it out on his family is awful.

@SunniCameHomeWithAVengeance I understand his dissatisfaction with his life, it’s just heartbreaking to see how much Mary puts up with, she is so obviously in love with him. If she was my friend I’d be telling her to give her head a wobble

In the scene I think you’re talking about, he believes he is going to jail, his uncal has lost all the money and he is covering for him and trying to find a way out. Ok he did shout at his family, but it was recognised as out of caricature for him, which is why they all rallied round to help.

To be fair, he only loses it with Mary and the children at the climax of the film when he believes his business is ruined and he's going to jail. He is contemplating killing himself at that point too. Yes, he kicks the car when Sam Wainwright suggests they go to Florida but he isn't horrible to Mary specifically. It's not a sustained story of emotional abuse - it's an episodic fantasy focusing on his crises and the points at which he gives up his dreams, not a realistic portrayal of his everyday family life. The family seem to think it's out of character too which is why they are so upset and all 'pray very hard' for him.

@bebanjo yes there is that scene, but also there is a scene where is goes to Mary’s house and is really horrible to her. She is so pleased to see him, has ‘their’ song playing and she has made some ‘George lassos the moon’ artwork. He is horrible and dismissive but she doesn’t see it

She does see it in that scene - she breaks the record when he leaves. But remember this scene is another crisis scene. He is in love with Mary, but has just found out that he has to give up another dream and is struggling with the tension of the feelings. I do think it's a really uncomfortable scene and I don't think George Bailey is a perfect role model, but that's not really what the film's about. It's about the small acts of difference that any life makes.

I watched this film for the first time this Chris and Agree with ontopofthesunset - also shows what wonderful actors Donna Reed and Jimmy Stewart both were.

If you label every incident of one half of a couple being less than perfect to the other half as "emotional abuse" then you are going to find marriage pretty unworkable. The whole point of "A Wonderful Life" is that George is basically a really, nice responsible guy who puts his ambitions aside to help other people. Mary picks him, so he does the right thing and marries her and settles down. Yes he shouts at his wife and kids when he's lost everything and is about to be disgraced and thrown in jail but that sounds pretty realistic to me. I've lost it with my husband and kids occasionally for far less. And if you look at the family's reaction they are shocked and upset, and then he apologises.

Thank you for the responses, I was not in a good place when I watched it. I hope I haven’t ruined it for myself