To want to disown my family

[bikers123]

Not a light hearted AIBU unfortunately.

My dad is an alcoholic, has been for as far back as I can remember and I hadn't realised quite how big an impact this has had on my life until recently.

My partner and I are expecting our first baby next year and to be honest I don't want anything to do with my family anymore. I'm so sick and tired of the same story over and over, any time I speak to my mum she moans about how awful he is and how unwell he has made himself (this is nothing new and his health has been deteriorating for a while now - seizure, jaundice looking). I feel like they are a cloud hanging over me. She won't leave him because she thinks he might get worse and be on his own but by staying with him for so long she's isolating herself from a life she could live. (I am under no illusion that he will die of alcoholism wether he lives with her or not). I detest hearing about this because as much as I dislike the man, it is a concern for my mum that she is living like this.

He has absolutely no interest in any of his children or our partners (I'm one of three). But as I live closer and am the youngest I feel some sort of responsibility to try and keep my mum sane but in all honesty I hate it. I have no relationship with him, he isn't a nice person and alcohol has made him even more nasty and selfish, he once kicked a big dent in my car after an argument about me leaving a light on in the house when I lived there. I have had an extremely strained relationship with him since I was a teenager. I'm really starting to resent my mum for allowing this to happen and for having to see my teenage years out living with such a disgrace! I recently got engaged and I'm worrying about the wedding already (it's a long long way away) because I just want a bloody normal family that can act decently!

As the mum of children who have an alcoholic father I say quite honestly, drop him.

I see the strain my ex's drinking, nastiness and inconsistency has on my kids and I wish to god he would sort himself out but I know he won't.

You have to prioritise yourself and your new family and give yourself permission to be free of such negativity. Good luck OP, you deserve it.

@Givingitamiss thank you! I have no contact with him unless I am at the house seeing my mum, it's very hard to maintain a relationship with her but try and block him negativity out as it is filtering through her!

Would your mum be open to meeting you on your own for outings?

Your mum can save herself - sorry to be blunt, but it is not your job. Look after yourself and your partner and the baby that’s coming. That is your job, not rescuing your mum, she chose this. Your father is beyond the pale, leave him to it. I know some people find Al Anon very helpful - have you ever looked into that?

I feel for you all, including your mum, but I understand your resentment. Leave the door open for your mum should things change, but back away for your own happiness. You can't fix this so why torture yourself.

Thank you for the replies! I have never looked into any sort of therapy or counselling, my siblings don't think that they had it too bad so they haven't either - I think they count themselves lucky that my mum wasn't an alcoholic and that we had money, went on holidays etc. The eldest of us is actually quite like my dad and I can see that she is most likely to become him. I would've traded it all to be rid of him through my childhood and into adult hood! And taking an alcoholic on an all inclusive holiday definitely was not my idea of fun! I lived in the house until I was 23 so I definitely felt the burden of it more, especially in the last few years it was a struggle and I just couldn't stand the sight of him atall, he is just a mess really.

I think it would be good for me to talk to someone though, I have made some sense of my own feelings but there's a lot of unresolved anger and resentment there. I've definitely become the overly responsible one out of us all and carry the weight of it for some reason.