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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

BF not excited about our engagement but excited for everyone else.

20 replies

Loliie · 28/12/2020 16:06

Me and my BF got engaged on the 12/12/20 and we are very excited. My family are very happy and seem very enthusiastic when talking about weddings but his family have taken no interest. No congratulations, no mention of it again since we told them, nothing. My BF uncle got engaged yesterday and the whole family are talking about it and are very excited for it. I can’t help but feel a bit bitter about it. Am I being unreasonable being pissed off?

OP posts:

TeenPlusTwenties · 28/12/2020 16:09

How old are you and how long have you been together?

I can think of 2 reasons for not being excited:
A) You are very young, they think engagement is rushed, and it is taking all their self control not to tell you so
B) You already have a home together, maybe some kids, have been an established couple for years. Engagement isn't very exciting because after a wedding nothing will really change for you.

Original poster

Loliie · 28/12/2020 16:14

We already have a son and a home together. His uncle has two children and a home with his GF and they have been together for nearly 15 years

OP posts:

Hayyancairo2 · 28/12/2020 16:21

How old are you and how long you been together?

EagleFlight · 28/12/2020 16:22

Do you get on with his family, as that could also stop them from being excited?

Bunchup · 28/12/2020 16:23

Perhaps they don't like you very much? It happens.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 28/12/2020 16:24

How long have you been together?

Aprilx · 28/12/2020 16:26

An engagement is pleasing but not really that exciting for other people. You could be imagining there is more interest in the other engagement than yours.

Diverseduvet · 28/12/2020 16:26

Maybe they're envisioning future problems? There must be a reason for their lack of enthusiasm, or perhaps they're just not that interested?

zigaziga · 28/12/2020 16:27

The main thing is that the two of you are happy.
Families can be weird.

WorraLiberty · 28/12/2020 16:30

How well do you get on with them?

I can't get excited for people getting engaged when they already share a home and a child together, but then you mention the uncle so that makes it weird.

Original poster

Loliie · 28/12/2020 16:31

We have been together for over 6 years. I am 24 and he is 27. We have always gotten on but they seem to favour his sibling over him quite often when it comes to attention and effort they put in

OP posts:

Original poster

Loliie · 28/12/2020 16:33

I wouldn’t be annoyed if they weren’t so excited for his uncle who also has kids, a home and have been together for a long time

OP posts:

jessstan1 · 28/12/2020 16:36

They probably are very pleased, op, but they are used to you living together - you have a child - so it is less of a big deal than it would be otherwise. As for the uncle, maybe there are circumstances which give rise to such joy but there's no point in comparing, you are two different couples.

It is certainly nothing about which to feel bitter, what's the point of that? They'll all be happy at the wedding.

Shedbuilder · 28/12/2020 16:50

I hate to break it to you, but an awful lot of people don't give a damn about any of it — engagements, weddings, it's all a bore. I'm one of them. What on earth is there to get excited about? You've been living together for years, you have a child, you're just formalising an established relationship. Why would anyone else care?

NRE20 · 28/12/2020 17:01

Will it be a long engagement? Could they perhaps be more excited for your uncle, because a wedding could be just round the corner (I’m making an assumption that he’s a lot older, considering he’s been in the relationship for 15 years)? My sister in law recently got engaged, but while we were really happy for her, she still lives at home and wants to buy a house before having a wedding, which the couple needs to save a deposit for, so there’s not much to be excited about right now.
I appreciate you already have your own place, but will it take a while to save for a wedding, so the family is waiting to be excited for when plans are under way?

Original poster

Loliie · 28/12/2020 17:09

We are hoping to get married in maybe 18 months (depending obviously on the COVID situation). When we had our little boy we were told a new baby isn’t that exciting but when his sister gave birth at the end of October and they were very very excited. It seems to be a double standard for a lot in his family.

OP posts:

Tistheseason17 · 28/12/2020 17:10

I suspect his family new uncle was going to propose and you guys got in there first and they don't want any focus being taken away from uncle, too. Just a guess.

NRE20 · 28/12/2020 18:56

Wow, they actually told you guys that to your faces about the birth of your son? How incredibly rude! It does sound like favouritism.

Jollibeezus · 28/12/2020 18:59

Maybe your H isn’t the favourite, maybe they don’t like you - who knows! Either way, if you’ve noticed this, I would try to let it go in your head and just back away from them. Have a nice distant relationship where their preferences for other won’t bother you like this.

PurpleMustang · 28/12/2020 19:40

Maybe yours was a natural progression thing where as the uncles was more of a never gonna happen surprise? The baby one it may be favoured child or because she is the daughter (the old belief that girls want their mums more when had a baby)

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