To expect a phone call on Christmas?

[Mum45678]

I live overseas from my family and have done for some time. This year was the first year I didn’t have my two children due to separating from my cheating XH. Obviously it was a difficult day.

I sent all my family gifts - presents for the kids, gift vouchers for the adults for an experience for them all.

I sent a message to my mum last Xmas Eve / early morning there to say I’d emailed the vouchers to her and could she forward them on. Got a merry Christmas text. My brother’s partner messaged me a couple of days before to thank me for the gift for her daughter and to tell me what she was getting my children for Christmas. I responded on Christmas Day to say thanks and to wish her a merry Xmas.

I didn’t hear a peep from any of them on Christmas Day. My mum responded to a text when I asked if she had given everyone the gifts. Normally I call them on Christmas Day but I was really upset in the morning and it took me awhile to compose myself to give my children a call and wish them a happy Christmas.

AIBU to expect them to call me? I thought even if my brothers didn’t, then at least my Mum would have bothered? I’ve now caused a row because I called them out on it, which was silly really but I felt so hurt.

@AppleJane

I used to make excuses for family members constantly forgetting birthdays etc. Finally something big happens in your life that no ordinary family member would ignore and not contact you about. Give yourself permission to go low contact if you need to. This was your first Christmas without your children. It definitely deserved an effort from them.

I do wonder if this is the best option. I do almost all the running around / contact between us and have for some time.

I’m sorry that you are having a hard time at the moment but people do have their own lives to get on with. This Christmas was especially hard for many people.
Christmas day is always usually a busy one for many especially those with children. Putting all the toys together, playing games making dinner etc the day just flies by.

I totally understand why you were upset it would have been nice for them to anticipate that you might have been feeling lonely. On the other hand it sounds like you perhaps need to reach out a bit more. Everyone does tend to get caught up in their own lives, even though they do care about you, if you need a bit of support you might need to let people know.

Sounds to me like you've set a precedent by calling them on Christmas Day, so they may have been expecting the same this year. They might be sitting there thinking "hmm it's odd that @Mum45678 didn't call". Weird that they haven't contacted you since though to check you're OK.

One of the first things you ought to consider is changing your internet provider as if they cannot fix a fault on Christmas Eve quickly they do not deserve your custom. And if it is a more general issue where you Iive beyond one supplier, have a plan with more data.

I think you may have to accept being the person living away from your extended family that you have to initiate contact more often, unless you choose to go low contact.

I understand you are feeling low, and it’s a tough time of year. I’m sorry you weren’t with your children.

However, your lack of data etc is hardly your family’s problem to solve. You could have done a quick call asking them to ring you back, or have purchased more data. Or just have been content with a quick call with what data you had.

My in-laws have these amazing one-way phones too; it’s always “why haven’t you called” instead of them actually ringing us. Not a guilt trip I’m prepared to accept.

You could of called or messaged them. You could of asked your mum for their emails and sent them yourself as that may have come across that you couldn’t be bothered.

Also you took a few days to respond to a message that’s rude.

Sorry you had a tough time but it sounds like you’ve taken it out on them.

@ForTheLoveOfCatFood

You could of called or messaged them. You could of asked your mum for their emails and sent them yourself as that may have come across that you couldn’t be bothered.

Also you took a few days to respond to a message that’s rude.

Sorry you had a tough time but it sounds like you’ve taken it out on them.

Of course the OP could have. But when families live apart they either miss you madly or it's out of sight, out of mind. It's unfair for one person to do all the running around, all the time. Would a simple text saying I'm thinking of you on this hard day but too much to ask?