To keep working in a job I don’t enjoy any more?

[Sleepdeprived42long]

I have a job which is well paid, has a good pension and holidays, I can work part time and, pandemic aside, I can work from home on occasion. It is family friendly (my DC are 8 and 6) and I generally get on with everyone.

But, I’ve worked there for over 10 years and, although I try to keep things interesting by volunteering for projects etc, I feel like I’ve just stopped enjoying it. I work 3.5 days a week but I have a lot of responsibility and the stress is having a negative impact on my mental health-I am generally a much nicer, more patient, less anxious person when I’m on leave! Morale is also low amongst staff which doesn’t make it a very pleasant working environment.

I’ve looked around for the last couple of years and the short version is that I just can’t get the same pay/conditions anywhere else-it is quite a niche job and I’ve worked my way up where I am. I think maybe in a few years we (DH and I) could afford for me to take a pay cut but it would be difficult to do just now for financial reasons and because the flexibility suits our life just now with primary age children.

I feel like I can’t move jobs because of pay/conditions but I’m worried about the impact on my mental health (and those who have to live with me!) if I continue to work in a job I don’t enjoy/find too stressful. I also feel like at the moment I keep getting told I’m lucky to have a job - and I am grateful for that - but it doesn’t make my current job any more enjoyable/less stressful!

WWYD?

I had this. I was so stressed that my marriage and time with my children was suffering alongside the impact on my mental health. I changed roles and took a pay cut for a few years before applying for something else with a considerable raise. It was absolutely worth it.

@BeBraveAndBeKind sounds like you know where I’m coming from! So glad to hear it worked out for you-that gives me hope! I’m just not sure if I can (or if I’m brave enough to take the risk!) take a pay cut to move jobs to something that isn’t so family friendly at the moment! Feeling very torn (and a bit trapped) just now!

This could have been written by me! I hate my job - I am so bored by it. I’ve been doing it 20 years and have had enough. I’m a much nicer person when I’m not working! But, I’m the primary breadwinner in the family. By a big margin, so I can’t afford a drop in earnings. Plus it does give us as a family a quality of life we wouldn’t have if I changed jobs - I’m lucky that it gives me some flexibility in my working hours, so I’m more available for the kids (particularly since Covid).

I can’t recommend staying in a job you’re unhappy with. But what gets me through it is reminding myself that I work to live not live to work. I try to focus on the positives the job offers me, rather than how much I hate it.

You have my absolute sympathies - I know exactly where you’re coming from.

I have never been happy in a job. I'm 46.
I now accept the issue is me. I expect too much.
So I concentrate on what is good in my job and try to appreciate what I have got.
It works probably 80% of the time.

If you're only working 3.5 days I would suck it up for the time being, maybe give yourself a get out date, you can leave in 6 months or a year.

I'm doing a job I detest 45 hours per week, but I'm sticking with it for another year because of the money and because of the general lack of job security during covid.

It's hell and I'm totally enjoying this week off, I'm going to structure my holiday leave over the next year so I'm never far from taking a break.

I took a large pay cut a few years ago my job is much more family friendly and prior to the pandemic I had a better work life balance but I still miss my previous salary and perks. Our disposable income has gone right down so there isn't much left for me. Plus I really miss travelling.

At the beginning of the year I looked at switching back but DH also doesn't work in a family friendly industry and he earns a lot more than me. It's best for our family if I stay for the time being.

It feels a bit better to know I’m not the only person in this boat! @happinessischocolate I appreciate your honesty! Essentially, I think I either suck it up and try to enjoy the extra things in life the pay allows us to have or move jobs, take a pay cut and (potentially) enjoy my job more, have better mental health but without the extra disposable income we have at the moment.

Oh and the fact my current job works around our family well at the moment whereas if I move jobs that likely won’t be the case.

OP I feel for you. I also second what @happinessischocolate said - I’m in the same position. Hate hate hate my job but the money is great and me as as I can retire earlier. But it is making me really quite depressed and I get v anxious just thinking about going back after Xmas. My situation is even more frustrating as I only got this job about 3 months ago (internal promotion) and it has turned out exactly as I thought it would (long story but at the time it was a lesser of two evils as the other person up for it would have become my boss and that would have potentially been even worse) so I am kicking myself for taking the bloody job. My plan is to have holidays spaced out throughout the year and to stop doing additional (unpaid) ours at the weekends, delegate more and focus on the positives.

Try to look to ways to spend less. I hated my job, I mean really hated it - it was stressful and making me ill. I was also the primary wage earner, by quite some margin.

I looked at out family budget and found ways to cut back. Switched to Aldi, really shopped around for insurances, energy companies etc, let go of the TV services we really never used, stopped buying clothes I really didn't need, bought the food we needed rather throwing lots away. I love holidays but I found ways to do it cheaper - booked flights, accomodation myself rather than use package holidays. I put all money saved into savings. In fact I took out the savings as soon as I was paid and left in a balance I thought we could manage on.

It took time - maybe 5 or 6 years, but we soon realised that we could live on much less and that we had been wasting money on stuff that we didn't need. It did not make our quality of life any better and we had built up our savings.

The day I handed in my notice brought me such a sense of peace. I did not have a job to go to, but I just had to do it - my health was broken at this point. I have applied for a few things and have at least two hopeful short term things in the pipeline for the New Year. Both will not pay a huge amount, but will probably cover my contribution to the household kitty of four or five months. Other than that we are are going to live off those savings.

You work 3.5 days, good salary and you have flexibility. Stick with it, I have and what keeps me going is that most people’s jobs are hard but at least I’m being paid well. You could change jobs have less income and spend your time stressing over the kids having to be in wrap around school care and you have even less money for that.

I dont like my job. Full time but holidays and pension is good. Pay not brilliant. Very short commute. Get stressy about it as theres a weird dynamic.

I'm hanging in there. I wont get another job with the same conditions close to home and its not exactly a job seekers market atm
If it was only 3.5 days I'd def stay

I've been in my job over ten years and I needed something external to challenge me, so decided to study for a degree out of work time.

Mind you, if you're already feeling stressed that might not be the answer but I feel I'm doing something for me which is of value and I find really interesting (and isn't work, DH, kids, housework or cooking...).

Apply for other jobs... You don't have options till you are offered something new. By the time you are you might have decided the grass isn't greener or that you are ready for a move...

Forgot to say... I did this and from rewriting my cv to being offered a new job was 3 weeks 😁... I'm hoping it a good move for me despite less holidays and flexibility.. I needed to change