Used Gift for Child

[2tired2talk]

I have known my friend for 30 years. She and her OH have well paid jobs, they live a comfy lifestyle, both children in private school, TWO skiing holidays plus a summer holiday per year. My children opened their Christmas presents and she has sent my youngest a second-hand notebook which contains handwriting from her eldest , clearly a miserly, thoughtless, re-gift. I always rush around town after work trying to find personal presents for her two for birthdays and Christmas and I feel quite annoyed at her. I am very tempted to post it back to her. How do I phrase the note ?

‘I think you sent your daughters notepad by mistake and thought she would like her notes back’

@OppsUpsSide YES! 🤣🤣

@OppsUpsSide perfect!

YABU - why get your knickers in a twist over a gift ?
YANBU - an old friend should be more thoughtful.

@OppsUpsSide is spot on

I would send it back with a note saying " I'm sorry, but I I'm not sure that this notebook was intended for my child as it has your child's
writing in it. Thought I'd better return it to you."

Agree with pps. What OppsUpsSide suggested.

I love it when the first response to a thread is on the money 👍🏼

This is such an awful gift.

I was all fired up to say YABU, second-hand gifts can be thoughtful . DS received some really exciting brio pieces and a wooden remote-controlled Thomas train from an old friend for Christmas, all used, which he loves.

OppsUpsSide has it nailed. Please update on your friend's response! And sponsor a donkey on behalf of the family next year...

@MessAllOver

This is such an awful gift.

I was all fired up to say YABU, second-hand gifts can be thoughtful . DS received some really exciting brio pieces and a wooden remote-controlled Thomas train from an old friend for Christmas, all used, which he loves.

OppsUpsSide has it nailed. Please update on your friend's response! And sponsor a donkey on behalf of the family next year...

Don’t sponsor a donkey. You can buy a pile of poo from Oxfam! (It’s donated as fertiliser to a farming family in need)

@Alloftheboys. I wish I had known that was an option... various people might have received it this year!

How much writing was in there? Could it be that she hasn't realised her child has written in it? Christmas can be hectic. My DD has swiped a few things from the present cupboard - if I hadn't realised, I could easily have given someone something she'd drawn in.

You have my sympathy OP that's a crap thing to do. My SIL gives charity shop buys and freebies to DD for presents. It really winds me up. I happily get DD things from charity shops through the year, as do other relatives, and it doesn't bother me at all. But birthdays and Xmas are special, and books with torn covers, sticker books with missing stickers, colouring books partly coloured, printed a4 sheets with random foreign language phrases which I presume she's picked up at the library or somewhere are not OK as gifts. It makes me feel like she thinks we're so poor that we can't afford new colouring books so will be grateful for second hand ones. (she has no reason to think this, we are reasonably comfortable) When in actuality I have a 3 Yr old asking me why there's stickers missing from her 'new' book.

YANBU - re the gift

YABU - re her lifestyle 🙄

My parents did this - they always go overboard for the kids but instead of asking for suggestions of 2 or 3 quality presents (I even gave them the Argos catalogue that DD had circled this year) they buy a mountain of poundshop CRAP for them, it drives me mad, even though they have good intentions. This year they bought DD amongst other things a pair of lol doll socks - great, except they were size infant 5.5 and she's an adult size 1. They also got her a 2017 Shopkins annual which was already written\coloured in!

Tbh though, I won't call them out on it as they won't change! My mum would just say oh well never mind, she'll still
find something in there to colour!!

@MessAllOver
My relative decided they were only doing presents for children a few years ago.
I still wanted to get them something so we compromised on Oxfam gifts. They’ve “had” a pile of poo, a chicken and a goat over the last few years.

YANBU. But actually, I was given a notebook that someone had previously written in, when I was about 7 or 8. I wasn’t bothered. I made up an exciting mystery conspiracy theory around it, very entertaining.

@IsadoraDuncanDonuts same here, my mum got me a used notebook from the charity shop, it was the same one my friend had so I had to have it!
the indentation from the writing on pages that had been torn out had me sure my mate was a time traveller trying to warn me about aliens for weeks.
we loved it

please don't embarrass her, just suggest no gifts next year. chances are she forgot/ lost the original gift and it was too late to get something else.

I've don't similar when I realised I forgot someone!

@OppsUpsSide

Perfect.

I would be so embarrassed for your friend and yes I would see her differently.

It's not about the gift.
Quite reasonable to say gifts will be late this year etc.

But that is such a rude thing to do.