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AIBU?

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To feel on the back foot - or is it just me ?

8 replies

questionsquestions100 · 27/12/2020 19:42

Wondered if anyone feels the same. There are people in my life, well, more like a person- and I always feel like I need to justify myself/ defend myself. Other people do it sometimes too, but this particular person seems to do it all the time. Silly things I might mention and if I then change my mind, they always say stuff like : ' oh I thought you said you were going to do this and now you're doing that '. Or say if I say I'm thinking about doing XYZ to a room in my house - just thinking or considering - this person then always picks up on it if I didn't do it or made a different decision. It's weird. Or if something about my upbringing is mentioned and someone asks me if I plan to do the same with my child and I say I'm not sure- maybe not or maybe when my child is older- the person then immediately points out- oh right so you think the way your parents did it was a mistake then? It's kind of hard to explain but I always feel on the defence to the point where I don't even just feel comfortable talking about stuff I 'may' be planning or not. Or holidays I'm thinking of taking- ' oh I thought you said you wanted to go here, now you're going there ? '. I realise this makes me sound like I change my mind a lot, but it's not really that. It's just generally chit chat and I always use a disclaimer. This person even asked me how I was coping in my flat and if I still liked it now I have a baby or if I now need more space ? I duno these are just not things I would ever do to someone else, so I don't get why it happens.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 27/12/2020 19:47

Why are you wasting time with a person who makes you uncomfortable? As for justifying yourself to anyone, just stop. Their opinion is irrelevant.

questionsquestions100 · 27/12/2020 19:49

I guess I'm not sure if it's just me being weird and sensitive or if it's done on purpose to be honest.

OP posts:
Inpersuitofhappiness · 27/12/2020 19:51

Please don't waste your time with a person who makes you feel this way.
Life is simply too short to spend it around people who make you feel crap

questionsquestions100 · 27/12/2020 19:51

My examples might be a bit vague !

OP posts:
Deelish75 · 27/12/2020 20:45

I used to house share with someone like this. I found never volunteer information even if it’s just thoughts or ideas about something I’d like to do. If she asked me any questions I’d be very vague saying “I haven’t decided yet/don’t have an opinion on it etc” and then change the subject. If she did start questioning me about why I’d done abc when (according to her) I’d said I was doing xyz. I’d brush her off saying “you must have misunderstood me, I hadn’t decided between xyz or abc. What does it matter to you anyway?”

I know what you mean about it being done on purpose, it’s as though they’re trying to catch you out. I did find not making a big deal out of it did make her back off. As others have said if you don’t need to see this person then I’d steer clear.

questionsquestions100 · 27/12/2020 20:52

@Deelish75 it's so weird right ? I actually make an effort not to do this to others. It winds me up and it makes me feel a bit crazy because I'm sure if you ever said to them - what are all these questions, they would say you're being sensitive and it's on you. It's definitely just a strange thing to do to someone. I never show my annoyance but I'm just very careful about what I say now and always use a disclaimer or am very very vague so it doesn't happen. It's my sis in law so I can't really avoid her entirely.

OP posts:
Lemmeout · 27/12/2020 22:10

Oh I work with a person like this. Such a silly batshit women. Always trying to undermine me, vague and mysterious, do not feed the monster.

Butterymuffin · 27/12/2020 22:19

I would start saying very cheerfully, with a big smile, 'Yep, changed my mind! That doesn't worry you, does it?' Then when they deny or pick some other hole in your actions, say 'Sure, you just sounded a bit worried, that's all' and change the subject. Make your response about their reaction, not about what you've done, IYSWIM.

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