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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Still following ex girlfriend on Instagram

18 replies

yvanka · 27/12/2020 19:01

I have been with my boyfriend for just over a year, we love each other - absolutely no concerns about his feelings for me. However, he is still following his ex girlfriend on Instagram. I brought it up casually a few months in and he said it was just to maintain polite relations as they come from the same small hometown, which I do believe.

We don't view social media in the same way in general (slight age gap, I'm 23 and he's 31), and I unfollowed all of my exes when we met out of respect for him, but I just don't think he sees it as disrespectful to me to be following her.

AIBU to ask him directly to unfollow her, which I am sure he will, or should I just leave it? I am interested to see if this would bother anyone else in an otherwise good relationship.

OP posts:
MorganKitten · 27/12/2020 19:02

Leave it alone. Men don’t see social media like we do.

FabbyMagic · 27/12/2020 19:02

Unless he actually looks at all her photos and posts etc all the time, I’m not really sure why it would matter to me? Does he?

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2020 19:06

I unfollowed all of my exes when we met out of respect for him

But that's because you wanted to as it falls in line with the way you think.

I prefer his way of thinking - 'Maintaining polite relations as they come from the same small hometown'.

I think that's nice and since you said you do believe him, what's the problem?

Original poster
yvanka · 27/12/2020 19:07

FabbyMagic I highly doubt it. She is very beautiful though, so I think I just have a bit of a complex about her rather than a suspicion of him, if that makes sense. They broke up 5 years ago! Blush

OP posts:
OppsUpsSide · 27/12/2020 19:09

People use social media in different ways, I have ex’s on mine out of politeness I suppose, I don’t really post anything or particularly look at friends posts, I mostly use it for work.

MyNameForToday1980 · 27/12/2020 19:13

I follow two exes on Instagram. It means nothing. We split up over 10 years ago, I remember them with some fondness (we parted on decent terms), so it's pleasant to keep in touch, loosely, online.

Zoecarter · 27/12/2020 19:34

I think your age gap is showing.

I personally wouldn’t ask him to unfollow her as it shows that you are insecure and unconfident.

Sparklesocks · 27/12/2020 19:37

I don’t think it’s disrespectful to follow exes on social media. As you say sometimes it’s politeness, sometimes still you’re on good terms and are happy to keep in touch.

If someone is heavily keeping tabs on their ex and actively checking their profile/photos etc that might be a different story. But I don’t think it’s reasonable to demand your partner unfollow people, it’s a bit controlling and shows insecurity or that you don't particularly trust them.

Winterwoollies · 27/12/2020 19:39

I wouldn’t ask him to unfollow her, but he obviously just wants to keep tabs on his hot ex. They all do. But you just have to be ok with that or not be in the relationship.

Mrsmorton · 27/12/2020 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
yvanka · 27/12/2020 19:51

Mrsmorton I assume there was a backstory? If out of nowhere then that does seem extreme.

OP posts:
LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 27/12/2020 19:55

As long as he isn't liking and commenting on her posts all the time, it doesn't matter.

Mrsmorton · 27/12/2020 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BarryTheKestrel · 27/12/2020 20:00

Both me and DH follow exes on social media unless things ended badly and it's only ever been an issue once. We do it because in those relationships things just didn't work out but there are no hard feelings and hey we liked them enough to date them for long periods of time, why not remain friendly. The only time it became an issue was an ex of DHs who used to send him 3am messages and like everything he posted about anything not including me. He saw she was out of order and causing issues so she got blocked.

Unless he is keeping tabs on her constantly or is messaging her at an inappropriate time or frequency or anything more than a passing Hi, how are things?, it really isn't an issue.

Verbeann · 27/12/2020 20:13

If they’re on relatively good terms now he probably doesn’t see the need to (unfollow her), as they broke up 5 years ago. I would just leave it.

thetaleunfolds · 27/12/2020 20:16

I follow my exes on social media and it means absolutely nothing (and 100% sure it means nothing to them either) and I’m in my thirties.

Let it go and move on

underneaththeash · 27/12/2020 20:21

I still have an ex-fiance on facebook. We split up about 20 years ago.

Umbongi · 27/12/2020 20:24

I'm married and I just checked and I'm still following my ex from before DH on there 🤷 didn't even realise tbh. It doesn't mean anything.

If he were hearting all her posts I'd maybe think differently.

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