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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think young people have been totally forgotten ??

378 replies

Mossang3l · 27/12/2020 17:57

I was watching something earlier and it was the very elderly talking about how the community has come together to take care of them. Christmas dinners, companionship, gifts, phone calls, check ins etc. Wonderful. I’m very happy they are being looked after.

But it’s really struck a chord with me. There is NOTHING like this to look after the young even though they are sacrificing so much for everyone else.

They don’t have careers or adult social connections, they’re probably single, they’re missing their educations and exams, they’re probably the highest percentage to have lost their jobs, they can’t see their friends, their future prospects have been reduced massively (through the economy, educational inequalities, brexit etc).

They’re all lonely and isolated and scared and all that adults seem to do is bitch about students and the young. They’re moaned about and criminalised just for being young (well they were is September anyway but it’s stuck I fear). Far too many of them are committing suicide and yet still nothing happens.

My daughter (20) lost her job and can’t get a new one, hasn’t been into uni once and is so lonely. She signed up to volunteer with every organisation she could find and hasn’t heard back from a single one.

Surely we need to be doing more to help the young ? I fear they are being totally forgotten and may be having the worst time of all.

OP posts:
CountessFrog · 31/12/2020 08:50

I have teens and I’m at the point of pretty much refusing to throw them under the bus.

I WFH, husband is vaccinated now. I will be soon. There’s a vanishingly small chance either of us will get covid. My DD has a best friend with parents in similar position. If they close the schools long term, we will form a bubble with them and let them mix. There’s no way I’m continuing to sacrifice my child’s mental health after 9 months of following rules, weighing risk carefully etc.

Benjispruce2 · 31/12/2020 09:06

By through them under the bus you mean missing school. I feel like I’m being thrown under the bus by working in primary across all bubbles. Dreading it.Thanks Gav!

Benjispruce2 · 31/12/2020 09:06

Throwing not through

CountessFrog · 31/12/2020 09:15

I mean isolating them from their peers at a crucial point for them developmentally.

I work in developmental paediatrics and I’m a mother. Schooling is further down my list than opportunity to mix with peers.

Benjispruce2 · 31/12/2020 09:38

Yes I see. I have a 6th former and one at uni. They are missing so much. Uni is particularly annoying as they’re more or less in a huge bubble and don’t mix with elders but everything on campus is mostly closed including sport, whereas at my primary is all breath on each other and go home and see family and bring their germs back in tomorrow! Doesn’t make sense.

Lilac95 · 31/12/2020 09:45

Totally agree, I’m 25, WFH for 9 months. Yes I live with my partner but he’s out working all day. I speak to hardly anyone, I talk to my mother and sibling but that’s not the same as quality time. I’m in the middle of nowhere, don’t want to get public transport but that’s been reduced anyway. The only thing I’ve been looking forward to is a driving test so I could have a bit of freedom and that’s been cancelled and rescheduled for 6 months time (ridiculous). I don’t want pubs and nightclubs but just the opportunity to go somewhere other than the food shop

CountessFrog · 31/12/2020 09:46

I feel most sorry for your sixth former and my Y11 child. It’s the opportunity to grow apart from us as parents, to develop independence.

My DD has a best friend whose parents won’t allow her outside. She’s sixteen. She wasn’t the most confident of kids anyway but I noticed she was beginning to emerge as a young independent person. She was this week banned from going out sledging with my daughter despite us living in an area with T3 (rule of six) outdoor restrictions. No reason other than ‘covid’ and ‘her grandmother is very elderly.’ Her grandmother does not live locally, or alone, but they intend to carry on visiting.

Your sixth former is slightly worse off again, I think. That really is an age when they develop independence - and they need to if they are going to live away from home soon.

Samcro · 31/12/2020 09:49

[quote furonthecoat]@AliceBlueGown

'people like you' refers to people who are belittling young people's struggles. I'm not saying we have it worse, just we have it bad too. And yet on one thread that seems to acknowledge that you still have to come along and further shit on us.

If you really do teach uni students how are you not aware of the fiasco of lies around blended learning. Even in august we were promised blended learning and then when timetables were released in early September everything was online and when we asked why no reasonable explanation will listen.

How on earth do you know I'm in a position of privilege? I accept I am more privileged than some but also a damn site less than plenty of others which is clearly shown on this thread by the total lack of awareness of problem all young people are facing.

I will not put up and shut up. How bloody dare you. You condescending prick. Everyone's problems deserve attention. Not all of us have the option to defer, and we absolutely do deserve help and recognition. Not at the expense of others, but as well as. You really are proving this threads point, that we are being forgotten, and you're absolutely ok with it Hmm
[/quote]
wow nice PA

Benjispruce2 · 31/12/2020 09:52

Yep. Uni DD lives in a house with 4 others and sees some others as they’ve all had Covid and I don’t blame her one bit.
6th former can’t get a job though been trying for 6 months, school only allows them in for lessons then home for free study periods. She’s been quite resilient but I worry for her as she’s a quiet girl and can lean towards anxiousness.

CountessFrog · 31/12/2020 10:04

Sounds like mine, Benji. Hence I won’t ‘throw her under a bus’ once we are both vaccinated. She will have indoor time with peers - mainly her best friend - doing what kids do, with us having weighed up who she’s mixing with, where they’ve been, whether their parents are WFH. It’s less risky than school, and so far school looks to be returning anyway.

At this point, her Instagram shows that many of her peers are having house parties with 10-15 kids that go on way past midnight. The parents MUST be aware. Selfish arseholes.

Kpo58 · 31/12/2020 10:24

I'm worried that we are going to get a large proportion of 16+ year olds who will never be able to hold down a job/have severe mental health problems/be able to form good relationships with others/be able to make their own families/be able to live away from home.

Employers are not forgiving if you get to your mid 25s without still being in full time education or having previous work experience. Why would they employ someone who looks workshy on paper when they can just employ someone fresh out of school?

KonTikki · 31/12/2020 10:34

I do feel that school kids have been completely sidelined by this Government, and that the strategy should be to vaccinate them first.
The elderly are not the future and can wait their turn.
And I write that as a retired grandparent.

CountessFrog · 31/12/2020 10:34

Quite. And how will they cope with the big wide independent world of university?

Da1s13s · 31/12/2020 10:38

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/health-55468632

Gov were asked about this yesterday, they didn’t both replying.

HappydaysArehere · 31/12/2020 10:54

The biggest disservice was done by those who went out to vote for Brexit. I felt ashamed to be old and part of the generation that couldn’t see past rose tinted memories. As for today my heart bleeds for my grandchildren as they struggle to make headway in a pandemic that denies them security of employment and a planned life.

AngelicInnocent · 31/12/2020 11:26

My DD and future DIL are both student nurses. They worked in hospitals throughout the first lockdown, not only were they unpaid, they actually had to pay for the privilege.

When they finished the term mid August, they had a rare night out in the pubs which was denounced as being selfish and ridiculous in the news and on sites like this.

They went back to uni mid September and, like all the other students, were vilified in the press again as being responsible for spreading the virus.

By the beginning of October, they were back in the hospitals, paying for the privilege again. They have both caught covid on the wards, DD also passing it on to her flatmates.

Yes, I think they have had an awful time and I think they will feel the effects of this far longer than me or my elderly DM.

Emilyontmoor · 31/12/2020 11:35

I do hope people are directing their anger where it belongs, at the government. This virus can be and has been suppressed elsewhere.

Do not forget that many frontline workers in Science, the NHS and retail are also young people. They have been left in the way of a virus that has been allowed to run through our cities by a government that has mismanaged the crisis, used it to reward cronies and done too little too late to prevent long lockdowns and massive economic damage for small businesses.

My 20 something was one of the public health resources they could have used to develop effective testing tracing and quarantine, the strategy used by all the countries that have far lower case and death rates and less damaging lockdowns than us. Yet at the start of the pandemic all her years of training and expertise were to be furloughed whilst they directed all the funding to inexperienced cronies who have predictably made a hash of it. Fortunately a well known charity stepped in and her employer set up a highly effective operation that kept staff working in hospitals from the start of March. She and many other colleagues working on the frontline have worked long hours, and risked and have caught Covid, some remain ill.

She has colleagues who volunteered for the Dido disaster, it was a terrible place to work, unsafe, they were treated as commodities, their expertise ignored. Now those staff have returned to safer and more fulfilling work they cannot get the skilled staff they need so they recruit the unskilled (again young people) and give them inadequate training.

Welcome to Boris’s Britain..... and what he means by “ prospering mightily”

Emilyontmoor · 31/12/2020 11:47

To those who are worried though this is not necessarily going to be an entirely damaging experience. My DDs lived through another pandemic, SARS. There was panic before we knew it was not the “big one” and hard to catch except by contact through surfaces. They got used to the hand washing and masks, sanitising and not touching things with your hands. Their school closed and we were confined to a tiny flat. Yet they actually look back on it as a positive experience and back in March they immediately switched back into that mode. My hairdresser had a customer who in March remarked shocked that she had seen a young woman open the train door with her elbow. It was probably my DD! This probably won’t be the last pandemic, this one was expected by most scientists and it isn’t as bad as it could be. It is not an entirely bad thing if they have those skills for the future.

Though judging by the socialising and lack of social distancing by parents and pupils at the school at the end of the road, perhaps not......

cyclingmad · 31/12/2020 14:24

Just exactly other than education are young people really have it so hard. Let's examine this bass on posts here:

They can't see their friends- well lots of people regardless of age group csnt aee their friends

There is nowhere to go and sociakise- again that affects pretty much everyone unless your in a low tier

Can't play sports- again affects everyone including those who prefer to use gyms unless your in a lower tier where they are open

Missing out developing relationships- affects anyone at any age who is looking for their partner or even to make friends

Holidays - affects everyone unless your willing to take risks and go to countries your allowed to

Can't get a job-plenty of people across all ages facing this situation particularly those made redundant in industries or companies that may not recover at all

CountessFrog · 31/12/2020 15:09

Cycling mad.

You are a fully formed adult, I presume?

They are not. You clearly don’t understand developmental psychology.

ddl1 · 31/12/2020 17:46

*I'm worried that we are going to get a large proportion of 16+ year olds who will never be able to hold down a job/have severe mental health problems/be able to form good relationships with others/be able to make their own families/be able to live away from home.

Employers are not forgiving if you get to your mid 25s without still being in full time education or having previous work experience. Why would they employ someone who looks workshy on paper when they can just employ someone fresh out of school?*

The situation is awful for young people, and the sheer incompetence of the government in general and Gavin Williamson in particular haven't helped. This is likely to have long-term effects on young people's mental health. But we should not catastrophize. People do not have to do everything at the conventional time, or they'll never do them at all. (As shown for example by the fact that different countries start formal schooling at different ages, but it has little impact on pupils' ultimate performance.)

It's difficult to know what the ultimate effects will be, without having a crystal ball. There are at present no middle-aged or older adults who went through 2020 in their youth. But I am perhaps an approximation of that, and can give my perspective.

Due to a chronic illness which went undiagnosed for much of my childhood and adolescence, and then initially required immunosuppressants (hasn't for a while though - hence I'm Category 6 rather than Category 4 for the vaccine); and due to having had an extremely clinically vulnerable family member for much of my early adulthood, I spent many years with 'every year being 2020'. The best it got was something like Tier 2; too often it was like lockdown. Fortunately, things improved dramatically as I got older and I'm one of the few people who is healthier and more vigorous in middle age than in my late teens (at least if Covid, or some other illness when the NHS is overrun, doesn't come along to ruin that).

As far as permanent effects on me. I won't say that there are none, or that it's all roses. I have certainly been left with health anxiety, and this year has brought out something like mild PTSD in me. I was also left with some social anxiety, though that may be more due to my being 'different' for much of my youth than to the restrictions themselves. BUT I managed to obtain good exam results, hold down a job, live away from (original) home, have lots of friends, don't have severe mental health problems, etc. etc.

I know others with somewhat similar experiences, though, perhaps surprisingly, I don't think that there has been systematic research into the long-term effects of health-related isolation,

As for employers: while they may indeed be suspicious of unexplained gaps in the CV, or of people who've just been faffing about doing nothing when others have been working, they are aware of what happened in 2020 (many will themselves have had to shut their businesses for a while, after all) and won't be surprised that the young people won't have the same experiences that earlier, or, we hope, later generations will have had. They may be impressed by the current generation's experience of independent study, rapid acquisition of computer skills, adaptability to rapid changes, etc.

Sadly, young people do have reason to worry that their employment prospects will be uncertain due to a shrinking economy, due to both Covid and Brexit. But I don't think that employers will hold their experiences against them. There may, sadly, just not be as many employers.

GarlicMonkey · 31/12/2020 18:13

It's an awful situation. I have quite a few 70+ on my social media (friends' mums) & they're all happy as Larry, no suffering at all. The youngsters, however, are a completely different story. The worst hit seem to be mid to late teens & early 20s. Those people are society's future. Our priorities need to change or there'll be hell to pay for years, long after the pampered generations have eventually died.

Chaotic45 · 31/12/2020 18:41

@cyclingmad out of interest so you have children? If you do elope your say you understood them as they were growing up?

ddl1 · 31/12/2020 19:25

I have quite a few 70+ on my social media (friends' mums) & they're all happy as Larry, no suffering at all.

Perhaps those 70+ people who use social media regularly are a selected and somewhat privileged group, whereas virtually all young people use it regularly?

I certainly know older people who are miserable and isolated and very anxious. I also know young people who are miserable and isolated and very anxious. I don't think generational warfare is a good response to what, in one way or another is a disaster for us all.

HarryHarryHarry · 31/12/2020 19:49

I think it’s just shit for everyone really.

I’m sympathetic to those young people who are missing out on education or work but I think they are the least of our worries. Everybody is missing out on things, everybody is “wasting” a year of their lives. But if you are reasonably healthy and able-bodied, there is still so much you can do outside for free on your own, especially if you live in a decent climate. (I don’t - we are stuck indoors with subzero temperatures outside for six months of the year here - so I’m really baffled by how much people complain back in the UK). They can also communicate with others online quite easily. It sometimes seems like some people are just at a loss for what to do with themselves just because they can’t go shopping anymore.

I am mostly concerned for the very young and how the lack of socialisation might affect their development. As I said, we can’t go outside for half the year here - playgrounds are covered in snow - and everything indoors is closed so my two toddlers will be confined to our small flat for the foreseeable future. We have to go and run lengths of the underground parking garage for exercise.

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