Alone and ill Dh disappears and does not take care

[Knitt]

I have suspected COVID and have done a test today. I started feeling aches on Christmas night. I now have full on headache cough and shivers and temperature of 38.7 and he took it and said oh something must be wrong with the testers Husband didn’t lift a finger as usual to cook/prepare food or get house clean for Christmas Day. Ever since he’s disappeared and all I have been offered is one bootle of water and some tablets. I got upset and asked him to be more caring as I feel very ill. He made some porridge that was disgusting and still raw and I was nearly sick after few mouthfuls. I have 2 sons from Previous marriage and I think my husband is autistic. Too ill to write more. I’m so depressed and sad. He is passive agressive about so many normal things and then puts in a pretence to other people that he is nicer than he acts. What can I even do right now. I have tried talking to him, it’s got me nowhere ever.

I am so sorry you're feeling so unwell and having to deal with your DH's dismissive behaviour. Now is probably not the time to confront him with it but instead can you try and gather up supplies like water, snacks, medication etc and go to bed so that you can give yourself a good chance of some rest without having to move again for a while. Put all your energy into fighting off the illness, DH can wait until you've got more capacity to work out what to do. Sending good vibes and I hope you feel better soon.

ok, right now all the issues with your husband need to be put on one side. save your energy, you are sick.

What do you need right now? Tell him. Be demanding and 'annoying' if necessary. Make sure you can get some food in if you are at all hungry. get him to bring you more to drink. Then rest rest rest.

Really hope you feel better soon.

Concentrate on getting better. Make sure you have enough water and tablets for the next few days.

When you are feeling better, then decide what to do with your partner.

I’m sorry you’re feeling so poorly, take the tablets (I’m presuming they’re paracetamol/ ibuprofen/ cold relief). Are your sons old enough to take care of themselves and you, make you some soup or a cup of tea? Is your husband still in the house, or has he actually gone out? Some people just can’t cope with change, and if you’re usually the one who sorts stuff and does all the caring, he’s not going to know what to do. I’m not excusing him, but it maybe that when you’re better you need to sit him and down and explain your needs and expectations to him in no uncertain terms. and for you, I hope you’re feeling better very soon.

You poor thing.

If you're up to it go down to kitchen, get a tray and load it with little snack, pain killers and some drinks then have a shower ( always seems to make me feel a bit better when I'm ill) put on clean pyjamas and crawl back into bed.

Have some to eat, painkillers and snuggle down and out on radio or TV / audiobook and ignore EVERYTHING.. you need a proper rest... oh and take all the pillows as well

I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you

How do you feel today @knitt? I hope you got some rest.

Hope you soon start to feel better OP. Just try and rest as much as you can. Take care x

And when you're feeling better, divorce him.

Concentrate on getting better first. Then reevaluate your relationship when you up to it.

If he's autistic, the change involved in you being unwell could be making him feel anxious and anxiety impedes thought processes, including organisational skills. If he's not coping he may put his head in the sand to avoid what feels like an unmanageable situation.

He may need you to tell him explicitly how to care for you when you're unwell, e.g. when to leave you in peace, what to bring you, what decisions to involve you in and what to just sort out, what to do to keep other things going. Most of that can be a conversation that's saved until you're feeling better.

If you tell him and he still behaves like this when you're ill, there's no excuse, i.e. he's just selfish.