Perspective needed - Hormonal or in the right?

[Grumpus1234]

NC as outing.
Need some help here - I’m pregnant and super hormonal so can’t work out whether I’m a horrible partner or if I have a right to be annoyed!

Sorry for the longish post but don’t want to drip feed.
Partner broke lockdown rules last weekend to exchange presents with family. I said I wasn’t going to go as very poorly, pregnant and didn’t agree. We weren’t Tier 4 then. However, not his Mum so can’t control his every move. Needless to say, he went for the evening mixing with family members.

I went to my parents for Christmas period (before Tier 4 restrictions) after having spent another 3 days with DP after family meet up. I’m a high risk pregnancy, lots of health issues and they take me to all my (many) medical appointments due to DPs work schedule (I don’t drive) so they’re my support bubble. Decided it’s safer to stay with them for Christmas period as they don’t leave the house and my DP clearly doesn’t give a shit. They came to get me as soon as they could after DPs family meet up.

Had coronavirus test before I went to protect GPs which was negative. Found out Xmas Eve DPs whole family apart from one member has now tested positive for CV.

Xmas day DP begins complaining of feeling tired. Progressively worse but refused to get coronavirus test. I was trying to be supportive but DP still refusing to get coronavirus test this morning and Im sorry to say I absolutely lost it.

I cannot return home (I have to go back to work soon) until he gets a test and I’m furious that he has put himself (and me and the baby) in this situation.

He’s now saying I’m unreasonable for being so angry and pushing him to get a test when he feels ill and that I need to leave him alone. He’s saying I’m unhelpful and selfish - so my question is should I have been more sympathetic and not cross?

He’s finally sent off a test this afternoon after I literally begged him to. I just don’t see why it should be this hard.

Again, if I’m being petty af please tell me. I find it hard atm to separate hormonal reaction from what I would have done before I was pregnant.

If you’ve made it this far down the post then thank you and you deserve a medal!

He’s being a complete dick.

People obviously have different views but if you have a high risk pregnancy he should not have been hanging out with his family.

False negatives do happen so I’d make sure he’s symptom free before you go home.

Is he normally this unsupportive?! But worrying if he is - think you will really need to lay down some ground rules w new baby.

Imo you're completely within your rights to be annoyed - honestly if it was me id have insisted he only see his family at 2m distance with a mask on, on the basis that this decision clearly affects you too by virtue of it putting you at risk.

I would probably extend some sympathy (depending on how ill he was), but would also have a very serious conversation with him about it (potentially after hes recovered depending on how poorly he was!). He absolutely wasnt fair on you making the decision he did and needs to understand that. Also needs to appreciate the fact that its no longer just him he needs to consider now - once you live with someone as a partner lots of things are now joint decisions, even more so when theres a child involved too.

You are making the right decision protecting yourself by staying away too! Good luck with it all, i hope he sees sense :)

YANBU OP.

Of course you are not being unreasonable. He’s been an absolute idiot. I think a lot of men struggle to come to terms with the massive change in priorities that pregnancy and fatherhood bring. As a pregnant woman you have to face up to those realities immediately whereas the man can stay in denial for a lot longer. I’m not trying to excuse his behaviour but hopefully this experience of COVID will make him a lot more careful in the future and make him realise that his actions can have serious ramifications.
I really hope he and the rest of his family recover quickly. In the meantime, I would back off a bit. He’s clearly got COVID and all your concerns have been totally vindicated. He’s going to have enough time to regret his actions over the next few days while he’s by himself feeling ill.
Sending hugs to you. Pregnancy when you have health conditions is really stressful and this must have sent your stress levels through the roof.

He's a childish selfish knob.

Regardless of his test results, I'd stay at your parents for a bit longer if you are high risk. There's a chance he could get a false negative; probably quite a high chance if he has done his own swab at home, he doesn't sound like the type of man who would get it right to the back of his throat/up his nose.

Clearly he does have it, so the test is of little point now. He didn't do it on purpose and will be feeling sheepish already. Everyone is sick of the nonsensical restrictions and I think you should try not to be too hard on him.