...to expect a thank you for a present?

[takeabrolly]

My daughter's partner still hasn't said thank you for his present from me. He's been in the room for several FaceTime calls over the last few days and hasn't said a word. I don't expect pages of flowery notes, just a simple 'thanks for my present' is all. Is that unreasonable? My toddler grandchild has been able to do it. Would you say something or let it go? It really pisses me off when adults don't have basic manners. He isn't an arse in other things, just this.

Did your daughter volunteer to pass on thanks then didn’t?

I agree it's annoying if it's a recurring habbit but I don't think it's worth getting riled up about as a one off. Maybe he asked your DD to say thanks and she forgot, maybe he didn't want to storm into the conversation and make it about him.

YANBU, it's rude! Next time you speak to him I'd just say, 'did you like your aftershave/game/beers'?

I think it's extremely rude. But I wouldn't mention it either. I hate it when people can't simply acknowledge a gift.

I pass on thanks from my husband and he does for me. And we receive thanks from our direct relatives for family presents.

If you're together when they're handed over then I'd expect a thankyou but I cba receiving a thankyou from every individual, one from a family or couple is fine. Just like when a gift is from DS and DBIL I just thank DS.

If it means that much, when you see him ask if he liked his present.

Extremely rude.
I bet your dd feels embarrassed.

I'm sure if he'd been with you in the room when he opened it he'd have said thanks - so he's just forgotten. When he's caught up in a facetime chat with his girlfriend he's probably not thinking about her mother or who bought him what for xmas. Unless you bought him a car or something

Maybe your daughter asked him if he liked his present and he said yes say thanks to your mum and she forgot.

I seriously couldn't bring myself to be bothered about this.

I bet your dd feels embarrassed.

Only if OP has been crass enough to mention it to her. I'd be more embarrassed by my mother's manners whinging about needing to be thanked.

I've had the misfortune to have a dp who never said 'thankyou' to people who bought him gifts for Xmas/ his Birthday.
Trust me, it's embarassing despite the gift-givers never mentioning it.
Often I've felt it as the elephant in the room.

Was it a very special present? It's always polite to say thank you regardless of what the gift is but occasionally with the best of intentions people might forget who they have and haven't thanked and make an ommision. It really is just as bad to wait around to take offence for a forgotten thank you than to not send one.

I have an aunt that's awful at this, she insists on sending gifts and expects a thank you immediately despite the fact most years on Christmas day everyone's busy entertaining guests (and aunt isn't alone on Christmas day either) and doesn't want to get their phone out every 2 minutes. She's also picky about exactly how she's thanked and whether it's effusive enough - despite the fact the gifts aren't especially thoughtful or extravagant and we've always given her nice gifts too.

Depends.

I am not going to say thank you for the hideous tea towel as it would be false and I would be lying.

So I have actively avoided saying thank you

@Dishwashersaurous

Depends.

I am not going to say thank you for the hideous tea towel as it would be false and I would be lying.

So I have actively avoided saying thank you

Oh come on, unless they deliberately chose a bad gift you still need to say thank you for the thought and effort, even if it isn't to your taste. I'm grateful for people thinking of me even if I don't actually like the gift they gave.

Surely you would rather have no present at all than a truly bad one

I would overlook this if I was you. He might have just forgotten.

@Dishwashersaurous

Surely you would rather have no present at all than a truly bad one

Yes but that doesn't excuse hurting someone's feelings just because I didn't like what they chose. My DC understoood this from when they were 4 years old. It's not about the gift but the thought. I'll just donate anything I don't like and still thank the person for the thought.

Even if you know that the gift chosen was bad on purpose???

The kids always say thank you, thought that counts.

But if someone purposely bought a truly horrid present ( and everyone else nice ones) on purpose actually don’t think should say thank you.

Anyway derailment. I’m assuming that the op chose something nice

I would ask him if he liked the present and hope he felt guilty for not saying thank you sooner

@Dishwashersaurous
Yes obviously it's different if they deliberately chose something you'd hate. I'm not sure how I'd react to that. Possibly thank them profusely and describe how much I love the gift.

Bestof- hadn’t thought of that. Next time!

I had an aunt who once told me off, in public, for not thanking her for a horrible gift. Thing was, she was so obviously waiting for fulsome thanks that I literally couldn't get the words out. She used to make a huge deal out of it.

So I'm wondering, do you do the same OP? Do you give present just so that the recipient is obliged to be grateful?

Tis rude.

But some people just haven’t been brought up to say thank you, I guess.

I’d ask him if he liked it next time.

To those asking if the OP is expecting exaggerated thanks - nothing she’s said indicates that, so let’s assume not.

Only if OP has been crass enough to mention it to her. I'd be more embarrassed by my mother's manners whinging about needing to be thanked.

The OP is not the one with bad manners here.

OP, ask him if he liked his gift.

Thanks everyone. I think I just won't mention it again. I'll be kind and assume a) he asked DD to pass his thanks on or b) he forgot.