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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to buy dream house rather than stop gap?

25 replies

Rosehip345 · 27/12/2020 14:17

Currently in debate with my husband about buying house. We are both in agreement about the type of house we’d like but whereas I think we just go for it (which would mean tightening our belts a bit) and then be somewhere we could stay long term (big enough for the kids and with decent garden and space where I could work from home) he believes we should find another cheaper stop gap whilst saving more of a deposit. (Smaller garden/living space) Where we are currently the kids all share which although fine whilst they’re little will become problematic.

Opinions please?

OP posts:

BuffaloCauliflower · 27/12/2020 14:20

If you can afford the long term house get that. Your extra deposit will likely get eaten by stamp duty if you move a second time, makes more sense to use the first time buyer stamp duty discount as much as possible. Or you could easily get stuck in the first house unable to move for longer than planned. If going bigger is still within sensible affordability that makes much more sense.

BuffaloCauliflower · 27/12/2020 14:21

And if not a FTB stamp duty considerations still stand.

My parents got stuck in the smaller house where we all had to share and my mum laments not getting the bigger house when they could.

Marchitectmummy · 27/12/2020 14:24

No advantages to buying a stop gap if you can reach to what you would really like to be in now. Who really enjoys moving multiple times!

Original poster

Rosehip345 · 27/12/2020 14:24

We’re not FTB does that make a difference?

OP posts:

mummyh2016 · 27/12/2020 14:38

Definitely the bigger house. We went with the stop gap and regretted it ever since. Can't afford a bigger house in our area now but we could've if we'd gone for it at the time.

GingerBreadNurse · 27/12/2020 14:42

How achievable is the dream house budget wise? How tight would things be while you saved/ if interest rates rise?

blueleonburger · 27/12/2020 14:42

It’s hard to advise without knowing the financials. But if you’re not far off from saving enough deposit for the bigger dream house I’d just stay where you are and save up instead of going to the stop gap. Then you’re not double whammed with stamp duty and taxes etc.

Christmasbeach · 27/12/2020 14:46

Depends how out of reach the dream house is.

My sister could have got herself a nice little two bed build a few years ago but wanted to wait out for something bigger, garage, three bed etc.

Now she’s stuck renting a two bed, with her two kids which is probably the same size as the house she turned down. She’s in a worse situation now as she’s been paying a good £150 more a month in rent than what she would be paying on the mortgage and going nothing to show for the four years she’s lived there.

mrsbyers · 27/12/2020 14:47

Just don’t rely on interest rates staying as low as they are

Zenithbear · 27/12/2020 14:49

Go for the big house if you're young enough. Then you have the space you need for a growing family. If you buy the stop gap, you will do it all too late and at the wrong time, the dc will be off to uni or moving in with partners before you know it. I went for the big house with young dc and now they have all left home I have since downsized and released enough equity to buy a rental, a tiny holiday cottage with my dp and we're retiring early.

gigi556 · 27/12/2020 14:53

Go as big as you can afford. I really regret not spending more and getting something a little bit bigger. Prices have gone up and now we are stuck in our house for the long term and it's not ideal size wise.

cataclysmiclife · 27/12/2020 15:07

We went for the dream house and just tightened our belts for a few years. I was well worth it. A number of people on our road have moved from the semis to the detached houses here and had to pay all the moving costs all over again!

HavelockVetinari · 27/12/2020 15:10

Go for the dream house! You'd be mad to choose the hassle and expense of moving, plus a massive wad of stamp duty, just to have to do it all again in a few years. Growing kids need space.

LividLover · 27/12/2020 15:13

We’re about to exchange (touch wood cross fingers) on Dream House, which is a good chunk over original budget but so perfect for us I don’t care.

The whole stress and expense of moving is such that I’ll be glad to not move again for 20 years if this perfect house works out.

krustykittens · 27/12/2020 15:14

Moving costs so much money, why pay the bill twice? I would buy the dream house.

corythatwas · 27/12/2020 15:19

Another vote for go as big as you can. Moving is exhausting and expensive and depending on economic development you may find that bigger house is out of your reach in a few years' time.

Murmurur · 27/12/2020 15:31

One person's "tightening our belts" is another person's "completely unaffordable". It's a personal decision. The bigger house may well work out better on paper, but it's riskier, and you shouldn't do it if it means pushing your husband out of his financial comfort zone.

You're a team, it needs to be a decision you can both live with.

GreySkyClouds · 27/12/2020 15:42

Dream house always. The gap always gets bigger for the "next steps"

ColaandBru · 27/12/2020 16:06

We didn't buy the dream house and I'm so pleased we didn't as 12 years on we are a really happy in the stop gap house and have never wanted to move. Instead we have made other investments which have worked well and we will use them to help our DD get a house. We are now paying more into our pensions so we can retire sooner. We hope to be able to stay in our house long term as it is a small 3 bed so we won't rattle around in it later. Hopefully we will save on the stamp duty at that stage. I grew up on the breadline and we became parents relatively young. I have always been frightened of one of us losing our job or mortgage rates rising. I find the financial stability of our house and the fact we can help dd with housing costs without having to move ourselves very reassuring. A stretch would have made me very anxious. I think I'm in the minority though as most of my friends (who are mostly 10 years older than me) have large houses and virtually no savings or pension.

YorkshireGirl35 · 27/12/2020 16:25

We are currently in the process of buying the dream house, with a baby on the way. It will be a stretch but I find buying/selling packing etc so stressful I really didn’t fancy doing it again in 5 years time.

SacreBleeeurgh · 27/12/2020 16:39

Totally depends on the figures - if you can afford it now, are likely to increase your earnings, and can absorb an interest rate hike (or fix your rate for as long as as possible to try to avoid it), then do it now - but if it will stretch you to the edge, or if a rate rise would put you in a sticky situation, is there something you can compromise on? For example, we are buying a ‘forever house’ literally ten/fifteen minutes down the road from several extremely desirable towns and villages, still enabling us to use the really excellent school in one of them, in a less trendy (but still perfectly nice, with lots of development going on, so likely to ‘come up’ over the next few years...) village - and in the process saving literally hundreds of thousands of pounds on a comparable property.

CoRhona · 27/12/2020 16:49

We really stretched ourselves to buy our house but there is no way we could afford it now so definitely the right choice.

Been here nearly 20 years and no plans to move, it's perfect for us.

ZaraW · 27/12/2020 16:56

If both of your jobs are secure then the larger house makes more sense.

Murmurur · 27/12/2020 16:57

"We really stretched ourselves to buy our house but there is no way we could afford it now so definitely the right choice."

Well, it definitely worked out for you, but there are people who made the same decision years ago and then ended up needing to drop a salary for health reasons, or having an unlucky run with redundancy, or got stung on interest rate hikes or spiralling divorce costs and ended up losing their homes.

I'm not saying don't do it OP, I'm just saying just because it works out well for most people most of the time doesn't mean it's a no-brainer. There are losers as well as winners whenever you are stretching yourselves.

Dishwashersaurous · 27/12/2020 17:02

Stamp duty is such a lot that moving more than once can be prohibitive.

Plus minimum £5k for legal fees and moving.

Plus estate agent fee 1.5% twice.

Unless you are in jobs where you get significant thousands bonus unlikely to be able to save enough of an extra and all these costs.

Do a spreadsheet and work out how much it will cost to buy small house.
Then big house.
Then both of them

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