Would you judge this?

[DontBuyANewMumCashmere]

Your DH/DW/SO stayed up until after 4am playing a computer game.

(They don't disturb you and were owed a lie in anyway so no more of a late start than usual.)

YABU - seems fine, what they do with their own time is up to them
YANBU - it's too long.

Any questions answered!

Imo its only fine IF, it doesn't result in the partner having to deal with: moods if they tired from being up all night.

Disrupted sleep because they are yelling at the xbox/screen and/or you have to go downstairs and turn all the lights off cos they dropped off

Picking up the slack with the house akd kids because they are tired /moody and useless.

It impacts work.

Everyone else has to spend the day being silent so as not to wake them up.

@WorraLiberty
Yes I know these are the real issues. However I cannot make DH want to eat healthily and be more active. This again goes in cycles of eating well and doing exercise and he has lost a lot of weight in the last few years, but then he stops for a while and stalls/reverses his efforts.

The work thing is entirely out of my control, I can only support him where I can and sympathise when he's stressed.

Childcare isn't quite so much of an issue as I'm on career break and not working, so pick up majority of childcare and kids v attached so want me most of the time anyway. (It does sometimes annoy me that I am 'default parent' and if we're both free he'll often be able to occupy himself or read the news and the kids come to me and want my attention!)

I think he has depression and is unable to focus and complete tasks. I love him though, he's a very good man and we laugh a lot!

Somebody stays up late to play a computer game - I’m not seeing that there’s anything to judge. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Honestly, I sometimes get why people have relationship communication issues....🙄

I think he has depression and is unable to focus and complete tasks. I love him though, he's a very good man and we laugh a lot!

If he has depression surely he needs to help himself a bit. Maybe like trying to eat sensibly and go to bed at a sensible time. Its not gonna do him any good if he's lethargic through a shitty diet and too much of it and if he's up half the night getting himself all wired with computer games.

I think you need to stop making excuses for him. He may well be autistic , or depressed or whatever other default excuses seem to be suggested to be the course if such behaviour, but you can be those things and still be a twat , and there might well be nothing wrong with him that wouldn't be solved if he acted like an adult and not a teenager. But nothing will change if you keep picking up the slack and writing his actions off as something he can't help.

I can be a bit like this to be honest (no children though which makes a difference), I’m currently being assessed for ADD.

So are you mostly happy and willing to put up with the shit bits or not? It’s unclear.

If he’s working and you’re not because you’re doing the childcare then it’s natural you’re the default parent but if he loves his children and wants good relationships with them he should he doing half of the childcare when he’s not working - evenings, weekends, days off. If he’s not then have a chat about that.

Interesting. The pattern of lack of focus mixed in with spurts of hyper focus is an ADHD pattern most commonly found in women. There is no reason why men can’t display ADHD that way too though.