AIBU to think this is not 'ancient history'?

[Treatscatscrave]

I started seeing a man (I'm in 40s, he is early 50s) that I dated for 3 years in my early 20s again.
He broke it off and I was devastated. Nobody else involved but he was having a crisis which in retrospect I could not help with. In retrospect, he'd still come to see me after the split -and not for sex, either-but I couldn't understand why, though this faded after a few months.
A lot -obviously- has happened to us since then.
I was OK with the past being the past but the closer we've become the more resentful I feel over us breaking up in first place.
I know that this is maybe illogical but I can't help it.

P.S. When we first met again, I just viewed him as an old friend and I certainly have not spent intervening years holding a grudge, so why now?
He says he views our past relationship as ancient history. I used to but don't view it like that now. It still sadly seems relevant.

I know how I feel is how I feel but would you be the same?

I would see it as ancient history to be honest; me and DH first dated 5 years before then getting together and the ending was a bit messy but when we got back together we agreed that it was ancient history and done now and the timing wasn’t right for us then.

I was OK with the past being the past but the closer we've become the more resentful I feel over us breaking up in first place.

Who exactly are you resentful towards? Him? God? The universe?

Is it because the relationship seems so perfect now you wish that you could have spent the intervening 20 years with him?

I’m the sort of person who can’t let things go, unfortunately, so I wouldn’t see it as ancient history. I’d still be holding a grudge.

I would let it go. And if you can't, your relationship probably won't continue.

Have you actually talked about it — why he ended it first time around, why he still kept coming to see you afterwards (which I would have found irritating and presumptuous)? Were you devastated back then?

I wouldn’t go out with an ex who’d ended things after three years the previous time. No one changes that much, and if it didn’t work first time around for him after that much time, I’d be sceptical of the relationship having legs the second time.

I’d see him as a likely potential time waster. Again.

Resentful towards him. I stress that this is maybe illogical. I won't pretend I'm being reasonable.

It’s ancient history to him because he wasn’t the one devastated by the ending of the relationship. I’m not surprised you’re finding it hard. In your shoes I’d call it a day before he has the chance to break your heart all over again

If you still feel like that then maybe you shouldn’t date him now

I got back together with an ex after many years apart. Sadly he just couldn’t deal with my having had a very different life in the intervening years, so it ultimately didn’t work.

Do you think you can build a relationship with the person he is now, or are you still pining for who he was then?

He was having a mental health crisis that I guess I couldn't see/help him with. At that point, he was significantly older than me by 7 years which is nothing at our age of course but meant I thought he had more maturity than me. I was 21 when we started dating and he was first real boyfriend.
I was heartbroken when we split up.

I hope you never have plans to rekindle the relationship....

I dont think its ancient history. 3 years is a long time esp in early 20's when relationships have huge impacts. However, i do think if a previous relationship didnt work after 3 years it likely wont. Brushing it away as ancient history is dismissive and probably done so he doesnt feel guilty or have to explain himself, which he owes you after 3 years. Your prev relationship will always be a source of angst for you or doubt, and I couldn't be friends with or date someone with that in the background - and only would if they could answer all my questions regarding the prev time. I tried once and it didnt go well. I'd stear well clear

I don't think I could rekindle it seriously again. I just can't get over it. Sorry, don't know why I asked here really. Thanks for replies but it's how I feel that matters, right?
I can't forget it and that's that.
It's not serious yet because I can't /won't let it be. All our interactions seem 'unreal' to me now as if they have no meaning.
It's the way it is I guess.

OP he broke your heart..be careful. He'll just do it again.
He'll be claiming remorse in a minute
You've not dealt with your own for letting him hurt you

@Treatscatscrave

I don't think I could rekindle it seriously again. I just can't get over it. Sorry, don't know why I asked here really. Thanks for replies but it's how I feel that matters, right? I can't forget it and that's that. It's not serious yet because I can't /won't let it be. All our interactions seem 'unreal' to me now as if they have no meaning. It's the way it is I guess.

Then ditch him instantly, OP. I don’t think it’s unreasonable not to be entirely up for a relationship with someone who ditched you after three years previously.

I'm sure that we can still be friends as we get on well but really what is the point?
I'm also certain that my resentful side would rise up now and again and I 'd just be unpleasant.
Best to let it be. Nothing more to say. Thanks.