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Original poster

Do friends or family matter most over the span of a lifetime?

21 replies

SlB09 · 26/12/2020 22:52

Assuming you get on with your family and counting good close friends - over your lifespan thinking once parents are no longer here do friends take on a greater importance?

OP posts:
VetiverAndLavender · 26/12/2020 22:58

For me, thus far? Family.

Even when your parents are gone, many have children and then grandchildren who are of greater importance than friends.

I don't have children, but there are siblings.

For people who have kept close friends all their lives, the answer might be different, but it's been years since I've been truly close to anyone other than my husband and family. If were to lose them all, I'd have to look for friends, I suppose, but I think it's more likely that I won't out-survive them.

ihatethecold · 26/12/2020 23:02

For me it’s friends. Without a doubt.
I have my own DH and kids who mean more to me than anything but no family that gives a monkey about me but my friends do.

Splann · 26/12/2020 23:04

Family. I would have answered friends when I was in my 20s. Now most of my friends including myself have families of our own it is my own family who I can rely on without question. My sisters are my rock. I have close friends but I would always turn to my sisters first these days.

WayTooSoon · 26/12/2020 23:10

Family. When I had my first dc, I really turned in towards my family. I struggled enormously, but lots of friends still wanted to meet for pub lunches or talk on the phone in the evening and didn't really understand that I didn't want to do those things (my DC was very colic-y and screamed constantly. I didn't want to go out to lunch and be judged by other people and in the evening I just wanted to go to sleep!) My family was still there when I emerged from my sleep deprived few months (maybe a year!) later, but a lot of friends, I think, just thought "she hasnt bothered with me so I won't bother with her".

My sister and I clashed when younger, but she is my best friend now and we speak on the phone most days. My parents have been my support bubble throughout 2020 and my children are more important to me than any friendship I can imagine.

BackforGood · 26/12/2020 23:15

Not sure why it would ever have to be 'either' / 'or'.
It's great to have people who share experiences with you, and share memories - that will often be siblings, but long standing friends might do that too.

Pukkatea · 26/12/2020 23:17

When I have something to share, need someone to turn to or want a good laugh and chat, I go to my friends. I love my family but for me it's a formal relationship with people I've got nothing in common with.

Poptart4 · 26/12/2020 23:18

Friends come and go but family is forever.

Even family I have fallen out with have been there for me when its really counted.

GrumpyHoonMain · 26/12/2020 23:20

Family. The people who are happiest and live longest and healthiest always have a really strong family network to rely on with enough social skills to make new friends as and when they need. But friends are definitely secondary

thepeopleversuswork · 26/12/2020 23:23

Friends come and go but family is forever.

See I wouldn't agree with this. Friends are people you have chosen, family are people you have been thrown together with. Friends have earned it, family are coasting on genes.

My good friends have proven more loyal and supportive than any single member of my immediate family.

Yes family is "forever" in the sense that you will never stop being connected to them. And I'm not going to deny that there's a bond with immediate family which often goes quite deep. But that it not necessarily a badge of quality.

stuffedforchristmas · 26/12/2020 23:24

Depends who you are and very hard to compare anyway.

Finfintytint · 26/12/2020 23:26

@Poptart4

Friends come and go but family is forever.

Even family I have fallen out with have been there for me when its really counted.

For me it’s the one friendship couple who have been there for me when family have been and gone. Twenty odd years have seen us through bereavement.
Mincepiehangover · 26/12/2020 23:26

I have a small family who l love but friends are very important to me. Couldn't imagine life without either set really but am guessing my friends choose to be my friend where my family have no choice!!

Undervaluedandsad · 26/12/2020 23:27

Family, without any doubt.

SerenityFlowers · 26/12/2020 23:42

You don't really know the worth of any relationship until you hit hard times and then it can be be pretty painful to see who turns their back on you.

umpteennamechanges · 26/12/2020 23:48

Friends.

With the one exception being my DM.

The rest of my family are dicks and I'm no contact or low contact with them.

lockedownloretta · 26/12/2020 23:50

Family for me.

LadyLazaruss · 26/12/2020 23:52

Family. I don't have enough friends for them to be better than family.

Covidrelapse · 27/12/2020 00:01

Family

Boulshired · 27/12/2020 00:17

It’s varied through my life but when times are difficult it has been some family and two friends from childhood who were there. I have had what I thought were really close friends who at the time I may have put before family, but have drifted away. I couldn’t choose between the family and friends.

Original poster
SlB09 · 27/12/2020 22:10

Seems maybe this differs in different periods of life?? Interested to hear from those in later stages of life too

OP posts:
partyatthepalace · 28/12/2020 20:45

I’m glad to have some of both.

I think the main thing is you at least have close relationships with some of one or the other!

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