Odd Present?

[FlatoutandFluffy]

Back story - my DM was saving up for a trip to America earlier this year, ( didn’t happen obviously) so said she couldn’t afford to visit me after my cancer diagnosis. I really wanted her support so gave her the train fare. I opened my Xmas present yesterday from her to find a cheque for the train fare and a pair of socks. I’ve never asked for the money back, and find it a bit odd. AIBU to feel a bit upset?

Weird! Is your relationship usually good?

What is odd is someone who can afford to go to America but cant visit her dd when she has been very ill. I am very sorry that she is not being supportive. I would accept the cheque back and focus on your recovery.

It’s been up and down over the years but pretty good recently I thought. I just don’t know what to make of it.

How did you know it was the train fare rather than just some cash?

Yes very odd . Also , she said she couldn’t afford to come and see you because she was saving up for a trip to America ? That’s awful.

There were two cheques. One for £20, which is a usual Xmas present. And another for £90, which was the returned train fare. I was really upset at the time when she put saving up for her trip to America above visiting me when I was ill. ( stage 3 cancer, being treated but bloody scary nonetheless). We made it up because life is too short, she has some hang ups about seeing people when they are sick. She goes into denial, and can’t cope. Bit shit, but there it is. I’m just a bit ‘ffs - why be all passive aggressive with a loan dressed up as a Xmas gift?!

It is strange.

It's weird, but I'm not sure it means anything in itself. My mum once wrapped up a piece of jewellery that she had found at home in my old room, in a really nice box and sent it to me for Christmas. It already belonged to me, so it was not a present and it had no sentimental value either, just some cheap silver chain that a distant relative I'm not particularly fond of had bought me as as token gift once. And she had already told me she'd found it so she was not even pretending it was a gift. It was almost like some kind of joke.

I think the real issue is that she prioritised a holiday over seeing you.

@FlatoutandFluffy

There were two cheques. One for £20, which is a usual Xmas present. And another for £90, which was the returned train fare. I was really upset at the time when she put saving up for her trip to America above visiting me when I was ill. ( stage 3 cancer, being treated but bloody scary nonetheless). We made it up because life is too short, she has some hang ups about seeing people when they are sick. She goes into denial, and can’t cope. Bit shit, but there it is. I’m just a bit ‘ffs - why be all passive aggressive with a loan dressed up as a Xmas gift?!

So... it wasn't just a pair of socks, it was £20 as well? Plus the train fare being returned (maybe she wanted to give the train fare back to you but wrapped it up with present to keep safe?). £20 is a significant sum of money for some people 🤷‍♀️ obviously I don't know your Mums financial situation though.

I get that you feel sad about the lack of support during your illness (hope treatment goes well BTW) but the present itself, in my opinion, isn't that odd.

Perhaps she is feeling a bit crap for making you pay for her to visit and this is her trying to make amends without having to say anything

Thanks for the replies, and helping me see a different point of view. Merry Christmas!