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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that BF hasn't asked me to move in with him for lockdown?

22 replies

hillarypcof · 26/12/2020 17:35

AIBU?

We have been together for just over 1 year.
He has a place of his own.
I still live with my family (I am 2 years younger than him, 25 years old)

He is now Tier 4. I am Tier 3. By law we cannot see each other now for the foreseeable.
He has not even suggested I move in with him for the lockdown period.

AIBU to be irked by this?

Yet he is expecting me to occasionally break the lockdown rules to pop over and visit him which I do not want to do!!! Grrrrr

OP posts:
HoneysuckIejasmine · 26/12/2020 17:36

He can't have it both ways and you are right to refuse.

ProfessorInkling · 26/12/2020 17:36

If he lives alone you can form a support bubble without needing to move in.

Original poster
hillarypcof · 26/12/2020 17:39

I should add* that he has already formed a support bubble with his mum & step dad's house

OP posts:
katy1213 · 26/12/2020 17:41

He's very sensible. Lockdown isn't a good reason for setting up home with someone if you're not sure.

BibbityBobbityBellend · 26/12/2020 17:42

Have you asked him?

If after a year he says some shit like "I'm not ready" then move on.

jessstan1 · 26/12/2020 17:43

He is correct not to ask you to move in, he's probably not ready for you moving in together anyway, and you are right not to 'pop over'.

VinterKvinna · 26/12/2020 17:46

Yet he is expecting me to occasionally break the lockdown rules to pop over and visit him which I do not want to do!!! Grrrrr

Why dont you want to? is it purely for rule following or is there something else there?

MadameButterface · 26/12/2020 17:50

You’re not wrong to not want to break lockdown rules, or to want more commitment, but he’s not wrong to be happy to continue as you are.

Original poster
hillarypcof · 26/12/2020 17:50

@VinterKvinna rule following really - my dad and my younger sister are both on the clinically vulnerable list, and where he goes to his mum & step dad's house (who are gallivanting about breaking all the lockdown rules in the book hosting and attending "illegal parties" with 10+ others at a time) I do not feel comfortable mixing in case I pick something up and bring it back to my home

OP posts:
PicsInRed · 26/12/2020 17:57

If you moved in together, he couldn't see his family, right? Would you stop seeing yours?

Sarcobaleno · 26/12/2020 18:01

Sorry but I'm with him. If you moved in, he wouldn't see his family and you wouldn't see yours. If he's not ready, he shouldn't be forced into it because of lockdown. Equally, you're right to say no to meeting up.

HoboSexualOnslow · 26/12/2020 18:05

I took about 4 years to move in with my boyfriend, doesn't mean I don't love him but I wouldn't be forced. Maybe he loves living alone?

Barmyfarmy · 26/12/2020 18:17

As PPs have said, if you moved in with him neither of you would see your families and this may be something he's considered and decided upon.

You both need to work on communication if you haven't discussed something like this, or if you feel you need to ask mumsnet for what we think your boyfriend is thinking. Just ask him, or mention 'It's a shame I couldn't come and stay with you because we wouldn't see our families.'

Definitely do not rule-break and visit him though.

WhatTiggersDoBest · 26/12/2020 18:35

It is next to impossible to move house right now so I don't think it's a great plan to try. It sounds like you're not happy with where this relationship is going though, especially with him wanting you to go meet him and break the rules. Why do you have to make all the effort and take all the risks? This all sounds really one-sided.

hardboiledeggs · 26/12/2020 19:21

It’s only been a year and most of that has been during a pandemic where you can hardly see each other so I can see why he hasn’t asked you tbh.

Freddiefox · 26/12/2020 19:35

You would then form one household and neither could have support bubbles.
Would you stop seeing your family?
Are his family in good health? Is there any reason that his family need support?

Fizzgigg · 26/12/2020 19:39

You've been together for just over a year but considering how much of that was under lockdowns and other rules, how much of a normal relationship have you even had? Moving in seems premature to me. Also you don't have to wait to be asked. You could have brought up the idea to discuss it.

vanillandhoney · 26/12/2020 19:56

Hmm. I don't think a pandemic is a good reason to temporarily move in with someone, tbh.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 26/12/2020 19:58

I agree with him too. It’s too soon, not the right reason and he wouldn’t be able to see his family.

DianaT1969 · 26/12/2020 22:07

I'd stay where you are OP until your vulnerable family members get the vaccine. That way, you can see them, but not put them at additional risk by mixing with him and (by extension) his family. If you think he'll keep his distance, ask him to meet you outside for walks.

Lazypuppy · 26/12/2020 22:10

If you moved in you then wouldn't be able to see your family because he would still be seeing his, so probably best you don't move in together

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/12/2020 22:11

I think he’s right. But why can’t you talk to him about it?

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