Why do relatives do this?

[Angeldust2810]

Hosted my family for Christmas yesterday.

Background- DH and I have been together 10 years, married for 5. We bought house and renovated from top to bottom including a two storey extension. Done as much of the work ourselves as we could and gained a lot of equity as a result.

BIL has visited 3 times including yesterday.

I open door and his first words are “is that gate supposed to be electric and why is your garden such a mess?”

I think a simple “How rude!” Or a passive “ooh hello Henry, you’re just as charming as usual, I see!”

I think it can be jealousy but it's more likely to just be a total lack of tact. My PIL both do this, and they are definitely not jealous of our house, which is much smaller and less nice than theirs! I think in their case it's a total lack of tact and also that they've been retired for so long that they genuinely can't remember what it's like not to have essentially endless time to do small jobs around the house so are genuinely surprised that we haven't painted the shed/filled that crack/pruned the bushes/bleached the sink/whatever. They're both fundamentally lovely, kind, generous people and they're just not good at social niceties (MIL once commented 'you know, I think they'd have diagnosed me as autistic if I were a child now' which shocked me only because it was the most self-aware I've known her to be) so even though it really annoys me I grit my teeth, smile and usually pretend I haven't heard.

My mum does this. With her, she doesn't mean to be malicious but she just blurts out whatever she's thinking/noticing. I try to ignore it but it is really very annoying so I sympathise.

My DF was always at this. Passing unnecessary remarks so I started responding with "Well if it bothers you so much do something about it coz no one else is complaining" and it worked. He eventually quit

Thanks all. Unsurprisingly it’s not his first offence and I’m sure won’t be the last.

My DH and I met shortly before my dad died. At his funeral my BIL asked if his name is shortened to the same as a certain male body part. I assume he thought he was being clever or funny?

For those with experience, does it like me deter you from wanting to spend time with the person?

My brother does this. Usually just my parents over for Christmas dinner. One year he turned up at theirs Christmas Eve with new girlfriend so they had to come to mine

I'd just finished having a re-wire so house was a mess. It was really stressful having 2 extra people, one of which I didn’t know, at no notice. It was stress I didn’t need

The following year the same thing happens. This time my brother says to me 'nice to see you made more of an effort for us this year and tidied up this time'

Covid or no Covid he won’t be getting anywhere near my house at Christmas again

My BiL is exactly like this! Generally a nice bloke but does like to "big brother" dh by putting him down on a regular basis. (Much nicer than this is making him sound, honestly.)

@Lancrelady80

My BiL is exactly like this! Generally a nice bloke but does like to "big brother" dh by putting him down on a regular basis. (Much nicer than this is making him sound, honestly.)

I tried quoting Echobelly but failed!

Meant that we can tidy, clean etc for ages for him to unerringly pick up on the two spots of dust we missed in the entire house. Every time!

I have an uncle like this. It isn’t jealousy, he’s just a miserable git. Last time I met him at a family gathering, he said something rude and I responded with “I’m so glad we don’t see you often” and walked off.