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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to keep my children at home?

36 replies

Shadow12 · 26/12/2020 17:21

Hi mums!

I’m in a bit of a predicament and need some reassurance/advice!

So, today my county went in to tier 4 lockdown. My children’s’ father was due to pick them up at 10 this morning. He has told me previously that Covid isn’t real, it’s all back to normal now, etc. So I am very very dubious about how a careful him and his family are being.
Following a series of texts from myself asking him to reassure me that he will follow the government guidelines, I received nothing but “I won’t answer that as you’re looking for an argument”.

I absolutely was not looking for an argument, I explained to him that I was only seeking reassurance that the guidelines would be followed due to household vulnerabilities - and I would be happy for the children to go with him if he was to agree to do this - but still no joy.
Rather the opposite of joy...

I really tried to come to an agreement with him to enable the contact to go ahead as planned today, and I’m devastated that it didn’t go as planned for my two girls .

After numerous attempts, I told him not to come as he could not guarantee to me that guidelines would be followed as per tier 4.
I have now been met with “I’m taking you to court”, “you are using the children as weapons”, and “you emotionally abuse the children”. Along with lots of other false allegations, insults and plain hurtful text messages.

I feel backed into a corner for trying to do the right thing here. I have been on and off in tears all day wondering if I’m doing the right thing.
I’m very severely asthmatic - which he is aware of, and have a young baby in the house too. All I want is to keep our family safe! Surely he could have just agreed, rather than continue to flout the guidelines?!

OP posts:
Lavanderrose · 26/12/2020 19:05

I think you need to let it go, and let your children go with their dad. Presumably you let your children go to School?

AlternativePerspective · 26/12/2020 19:10

WTF is it with these selfish arseholes who take no-one else into consideration.

No maybe the OP can’t do anything about them, but that doesn’t mean that they should just be blindly left to it without comment.

Contrary to this my eXH came over the other day to pick something up from DS and when I opened the door to him he was wearing a mask because he knows I am vulnerable and would never do anything to put me at risk.

Have people not seen the figures? TBH I would let the fucker take you to court. I’d bet money he won’t.

Original poster
Shadow12 · 26/12/2020 19:10

Lavenderrose, children are being marked as authorised absences from school due to vulnerability

OP posts:
Original poster
Shadow12 · 26/12/2020 19:14

RandomMess, we have never needed a court order as I have always made sure contact has been fair.
When he worked offshore he was home for 13 days and had my girls for 8 of them. He is now working onshore, and asked for every other weekend which I agreed to.

OP posts:
JanetPudding · 26/12/2020 19:19

If there is a court order arranging childcare and you have prevented contact then yes he can go to court and will get visitation restored.

I understand your concerns. But the children have a right see their father, and your fear he may do something does not trump their right to see him.

RandomMess · 26/12/2020 19:20

Well all he can do is take you to court to set up court ordered contact. Mediation will need to be attempted first.

So sad he is putting his "right" to do what he wants before following the law and guidance and his DC health let alone their mother's.

GreenTiles22 · 26/12/2020 21:52

YANBU. he sounds like an irresponsible parent. If my DH made such poor decisions about our children's health I'd be furious. You have every right to be annoyed and protect both your and your children's health.

baublesforme · 26/12/2020 22:53

I think you are being unreasonable keeping the children from their dad because he might not follow the rules. If he does take you to court believe me it's not pretty, it's a nightmare, also he doesn't have to promise you anything, when he has the children it's up to him to look after them and decide what's best for them.

Phoenix76 · 26/12/2020 23:44

Yanbu op. All these people saying you are, seriously put yourselves in op’s situation, if she catches this virus there’s a real possibility the outcome would be unappealing at best and that’s just with the op’s health condition never mind the other vulnerable people living there. I’m all for father’s rights ( I really am) but if op is describing the truth then I’m afraid no one could in all good conscience say that’s ok.
I know someone who lives near me, no underlying health conditions, certainly not dramatic about anything, he’s tested positive for the virus and genuinely feels like he’s dying and had to call an ambulance (he won’t even take a paracetamol when he could as he has a high tolerance) this virus is real and we all need to take it more seriously. Two of my friends are nurses working with covid patients and they’re on their knees, they won’t tell me the details they just cry.
Listen to your instinct op, no one sensible would blame you.

Ginger1982 · 26/12/2020 23:47

If you have let him have them prior to this, knowing that he has been breaking the rules throughout, then I think you WBU to suddenly stop his contact on Christmas Day.

Solasum · 26/12/2020 23:56

I think you would have been better served to load the DC up with masks and hand sanitiser and remind them to be extra careful when you waved them goodbye. Antagonising him doesn’t help any of you. That said, I can understand why you are worried.

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