Is silent treatment always considered emotionally abusive?

[Siw2020]

YABU - not always
YANBU - yes its immature

Currently on the receiving end, though I know it will have to end when DP returns so almost like has an end time. Not losing my mind over it as perhaps would have done in the early years but still not a pleasant thing to be experiencing.

Depends. Dh does it at times because he is too cross to talk and cant cope with arguing. However extended silent treatment for days is not on.

I think behaviour can be immature and less than ideal without being emotional abuse.

Hard to say without more context so I don't know how to vote. I had an ex (short term relationship) but he'd give me the silent treatment over ridiculous things. It was definitely being used as a punishment and I was constantly on eggshells, never sure what I'd done wrong. I found out on more than one occasion the reasons behind it were absolutely ridiculous. Like I'd texted him a typo once and he became convinced the typo was another man's name and that I was cheating on him with said typo/man. I found that out after nearly a week of being ignored.

I think it's an immature way of dealing with things regardless of whether it's abusive or not. One exception I'd say, is it can be ok in certain circumstances if you've had a big row or incident that happened, and the other person needs a bit of time to cool off. Though I'd expect them to communicate that to you usually. Otherwise it means one person (the silent treatment giver) is calling all the shots constantly, and that's very difficult and unfair on the other person who's receiving the treatment.

I think it depends. If there has actually been a big argument and someone doesnt want to say something they regret, and needs time to process their emotions and work out a way forward then I think taking some space is ok (if you inform the other person). If its constant, and over minor things, or they dont actually say what's the matter so the person being ignored has no idea what they've 'done wrong', or if they check out of family life completely so it impacts on kids who had nothing to do with the argument, or if the person being ignored has no idea if they are safe / where they are / how long its going to last and ends up apologising without knowing what for or if they arent actually sorry but just want to keep the peace etc...then I think it is controlling and abusive

It depends on the context.

There are scenarios where one person is upset and wants to withdraw and consider things where its justifiable IMO: sometimes you need space to process things before having another highly emotional discussion. No one should feel forced to "get over" something before they are ready to.

But if its used a tool to punish someone or shut down further discussion on a controversial topic its abusive. And certainly doing it routinely and doing it for long periods of time (ie over multiple days) is abusive.

I think there's a difference between giving someone the silent treatment, basically ignoring them, and taking a "time out" to cool down before you discuss an issue but you still engage with the other person. The former is abusive, IMO.

It depends. If I'm annoyed at someone I do usually need a bit of time before discussing it or being around them. I wouldn't be completely silent but I'd ask for space to process things.

If it happens purely to grind the other person into submission then yes it's abuse.

I have been on the end of it a lot. It's pretty much destroyed me as a person (that and some traumatic experiences) in the past and I am choosing not to have contact with the people involved at all.

I am constantly on egg shells with everyone, cannot make decisions for fear I will upset someone, freak out that I have upset people constantly.

It's really shit to be honest.

Too upset to talk for an hour or so? Fine.
Using it to shut you down/punish you, no way.

A family friend did this to his wife for weeks on end. Some of my relatives are still very friendly with him. All of his grown up kids are seriously fucked up. 3/4 are on medication. I can’t understand why my relatives still think he’s so great. He’s been an abusive arsehole to his family, so telling me he’s always been ice to my relatives doesn’t swing it for me.

I have occasionally chosen the 'say nothing if you can't say anything nice' option, because sometimes when I'm really wound up I just know that talking will do more harm than good. But it's never extended silent treatment - that IS immature.

FWIW I struggle massively with PMT and if we argue on a particular 4 days of the month I can't handle it. DP does know this to be fair, and knows I need space.