Is it strange to keep everything your child has ever owned?

[mummytobabygirl2020]

Just that really. My MIL has every outfit her babies ever wore and every spoon, toy, game, bib and plate her children ever had. All their furniture too. Not sure if I should do the same with my child or just keep key items.

It is a kind of hoarding and a never wanting to ever let go of all their children's things. It is usually a lot of old photo's and just a few little baby items that people like to keep, and view from time to time, but some people wan't to keep literally everything, and have this never wanting to discard a single thing, like having a mental block about all things from the past.

My late Mum who died 15 years ago,used to save a fair amount of oldie things, but about two years before she died, she started to clear out a lot of things, saying to me, you will be the only one,who has to empty my house when I am gone, so don't want you to have loads of things to get rid of then. She actually did me a great favour doing this, but I know it was very hard for her to clear out her old, and cherished things.

I've kept all my DC milk teeth.its really bloody weird and I've no idea what I think I'm going to do with them, or why I need them!!

Yep a bit unusual I would say, but I am the other end of the spectrum I keep nothing no wedding dress, no jewellery I don't wear / old clothes, nothing that belonged to any of our girls that isn't used / worn today. Our loft is empty other than suitcases.

Certainly not normal behaviour.

Sounds like she’s clinging on to the time in her past she enjoyed the most? FWIW I’ve held on to favourite baby outfits, special toys, first shoes and blankets but the rest was mostly donated it seems such a waste to hoard things that can be reused for another baby.

I have a large memory box. If it fits in fine if too big it is either given away or binned. I take photos of things like child on bike he loved etc. but bike given away.

Very strange I think. I can't wait to get rid of stuff my DCs have grown out of/don't want!

It's not that unusual. I have seen plenty of (older) friends and relatives getting out old baby beds/beddings/ towels when we visited with babies, some of them probably older than I am!

If things are in good condition, and you have space, WHY should you chuck everything?

Many women keep a wedding dress they'll never wear again, and wouldn't even have a chance to do up. Why not keeping baby stuff?

If it's stained, mouldy, brittle, unsafe, it's hoarding. If it's not, it's just reasonable. Things used to be of such better quality in the past, why being wasteful?

Very old clothes from generations ahead have entertained my kids for hours when they were left lose in old storage cupboards

Strange perhaps but not uncommon. My mil gave me a load of baby clothes from when sil was a baby. I suppose it made her feel like the baby was more part of them than me? I dunno. It feels like more than being helpy though. I have some nice bits from DD but l wouldn't expect DD to put her baby in them.

I can't wait till my lo is grown up and I can get rid of all his crap! It sounds like she's quite controlling, telling you she expects to see your lo in the outfits she gives you.

It does sound possibly like hoarding behaviour, although by the same token I think in that generation it was more usual to save things for the future for grandchildren etc as people had less stuff and it was better made and an expensive investment. If you have loads of storage space then some people are just never pushed to get rid of things if they aren’t naturally ruthless with clearing out possessions. I think I have hoarder tendencies but I’m not as bad as when my child was younger when I did find it really hard to get rid of stuff, partly because I thought I might have another baby and need it (was pretty broke the first time around) and partly ironically I think it was an emotional reaction to getting divorced from my abusive husband and being sad about the fact that my DS might be my only child.

Its hoarding which is a mental health condition. It's not ok to say MH is weird so why hoarding?

My aunty and uncle have kept everything from their 3 DCs - their loft is full of clothes, toys, books, kids artwork, school books etc. Their DCs are 40, 30 and 28! It has been suggested that the toys and books could be passed to their grandchildren but no, they're staying in the loft never to be looked at or used again. Utterly pointless. My uncle does have some very strange hoarding tendencies so that probably explains it.

I on the other hand am constantly having clear outs. I'll keep special outfits or toys/books that have specifically important memories attached to them. Everything else is passed on to friends/family or donated to the charity shop.

I didn't know it was considered hoarding. I don't know much about hoarding and why people do it, so this has been enlightening.

I think a usual approach would be to keep a box or two of sentimental clothes and toys but get rid of the rest.

@MadameButterface I didn't start this thread to poke fun at anyone and I certainly didn't think this was linked to mental health problems. I just wondered if it was normal and then I started saying random stuff and stopped myself. You're jumping on me for no reason. I was stopping MYSELF. I don't jump on people with mental health problems.

Kept the first outfit DC wore and first pair of baby shoes. DC first baby football kits. May also have the deflated foil balloons I was bought when DC was born (long few years of multiple miscarriages so extra poignant for me) I had hoped a second DC would’ve had chance to wear them too but a second DC hasn’t nor is it likely to happen because the thought of terrifies me (single parent since day 1 & really really lost out socially, career wise etc due to DCs sen and my subsequent poor mental health due to no support) and I’m closer to 40 than 30, single etc.

The things I’ve kept are special, small items. They make me sad to look at them but I can’t part with them. Not yet.

My mother got quite upset when I flatly refused to wear her old maternity dresses - she was last pregnant with me in 1964. She was also a bit grumpy when I turned down the baby clothes circa 1956. She produced some children's clothes a few years back wanting me to sell them. Some lovely ones but last worn by us in the 1970s. Fortunately a lovely mumsnetter bought them. I have my ( or my sisters) old plates, melamine dishes - again 1950s to early 1960s. She announced back in March that obviously this covid thing was going to spread and we'd all be having to wear masks soon ( ha ha, I went - should have known she's always right) so she'd found her old theatre mask - she was last a nurse in 1955.

I don't get why keeping toys and books is seen as weird either.

Surely your kids speak the same English as their parents and grand-parents and can read them just as well?

Same with baby first plate and cutlery set. Is there such a thing as expiry date on those?

If you have space and everything is well organised, what on earth is the issue?

I know some people insist on getting everything new every year (so bin kettle, bread bin, china...to get a new style) but surely it's not that universal.

My aunt did the same with her DD. She had 4 miscarriages, 3 stillbirths and a child who passed away very young though, so she wanted to hang on to everything form her surviving DD as she didn't keep anything from her other babies. She bought new cots, toys, clothes etc for every baby, and after every loss she got rid of everything because she couldn't bare to keep it, now she wishes she had kept some things.

I keep certain items of DC- a few outfits for future babies (we have 4 so good job really), favourite toys, first shoes. Not to a hoarding extent but just as sweet little reminders.

When she moved house I took great delight in stuffing it all in the recycling bin. Who wants all that crap. Well, she did, obviously. I hope you gained her permission before throwing it all out.

I didn't know it was considered hoarding. It's more than most people would keep, but if it's just the baby stuff, and she isn't accumulating all sorts of other items, and it's not getting in the way of normal living, then I wouldn't have regarded it as hoarding, nor would I be looking for a mental health excuse.

We have become a much more "throw-away" society in the last 50 years, and if you were brought up by parents who lived through the war it can be very difficult simply to throw away something which isn't in perfect condition but still has a few more years life left in it. Environmentally, it would be a lot better if we were happier to re-use things.

@Fizbosshoes

I've kept all my DC milk teeth.its really bloody weird and I've no idea what I think I'm going to do with them, or why I need them!!

I have my dd’s teeth, and also the puppy teeth of all my dogs....

Not sure if I should do the same with my child or just keep key items.

Really? That was the point of this thread?

@heseesyouwhenyouaresleeping

I don't get why keeping toys and books is seen as weird either.

Surely your kids speak the same English as their parents and grand-parents and can read them just as well?

Same with baby first plate and cutlery set. Is there such a thing as expiry date on those?

If you have space and everything is well organised, what on earth is the issue?

I know some people insist on getting everything new every year (so bin kettle, bread bin, china...to get a new style) but surely it's not that universal.

Yes all our childhood books were kept, and now my dd’s have them. The only ones I binned were paperbacks that had turned brown and brittle due to cheap paper. My parents were both born in the 1930s, so a much less throwaway culture. Also I like old things, and hand me downs, and things with a history, particularly a family history. My 16 year old wears and loves a shirt I had for school in 1975 !

Yes. My MIL kept plates her sons used as toddlers....my DH is 48!!

I wouldn't care but she always acts horrified that we don't keep everything. We rid of some little chairs that DS had as a one year old. They were too small for him and we aren't having more children so they went to the charity shop. MIL asked whether they'd gone and she was open-mouthed when I said we'd replaced them.