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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect him to pick his son up?

6 replies

Zhomby20 · 26/12/2020 11:25

Ex husband and I divorced earlier this year he is a complete narc.
He met someone in October moved in the same week and got engaged to her after 7 weeks and is love bombing her at the moment. She is older and has adult children and she is not a bad person, but has no idea that she gets in bed with the devil himself!

Anyway he dropped presents off for our 2 sons (16 and 11) day before Christmas Eve cause that’s what they wanted to do. No arrangement just phoned and said to son he was on his way.

Plan was for 11 year old to stay at theirs 27/28th
Then he says he has to work - so can’t have him, he literally takes days off when he can’t be arsed and only sees his 11 year old once a fortnight for the night. He knew the plan but again he won’t take time off to be with his son if it doesn’t suit him.

So then he wanted him today, Boxing Day, but only from 5/6pm because they are going to his mams (not her bubble) and for dinner somewhere (in a tier 3!)

He then said on video call to son he was too busy to come and pick him up and I had to drive the 10 miles or so to drop him. I very calmly piped up and said that if it’s his time with him he could at least dedicate it to him and not make him work around his own plans, and pick him up himself. He muttered something and put the call down on us. Son was fuming because he could see I was calm and he was being unreasonable about it and yet again putting everyone else in front of him.

Aibu? I just think it’s not for me to do the running?

I have him blocked on my phone all the time now because I just can’t converse with him as he triggers my ptsd, he caused and I am having to have therapy again!

OP posts:
HotChoc10 · 26/12/2020 11:30

Eugh, of course you're not wrong. Sorry your son has such a useless prick for a dad.

Lotsachocolateplease · 26/12/2020 11:30

No yanbu to expect him to pick his son up.
From my experience - with same age children is that they start making arrangements with the children without your involvement. Then the children feel trapped in the middle as it’s them who have to inform you what’s happening.

nimbuscloud · 26/12/2020 11:32

Your poor son being caught in the middle like that.
What does he want to do?

Zhomby20 · 26/12/2020 12:04

I have said to my son he can do whatever he wants to do, but I am not going to be making my ex’s life easier and give him what he wants.

We have had this issue so many times he totally disrespects me, he always has, he calls me ‘she’ as in ‘she can drop him off!” He tries to upset me by making out it’s me that is the problem and that I am just a bitch.

All I want is some time to myself and to not have him thinking he controls everything still and can have his cake and eat it!

OP posts:
LoveMyKidsAndCats · 26/12/2020 15:16

YANBU! Utter dick. Hope your boy and you manage to have a nice day x

Zhomby20 · 26/12/2020 16:19

He wouldn’t come for him so he hasn’t gone and I have explained to my son that i have suffered enough with his dad and i now have strong boundaries. I am not ‘rescuing’ the situation to save my sons feelings. He will see his dad for what he really is unfortunately. If he wanted to be with him and if he was important he would have picked him up.

We will have a nice evening at home!

OP posts:
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