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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was I wrong?

19 replies

Grinch25 · 26/12/2020 10:40

Lead up to Christmas has been very stressful.
I have been in tremendous pain and had a mri scan on Christmas Eve, awaiting the results.

All the present choosing, shopping and wrapping is down to me for all the family and two teenage children.
Got up early, prepped veg, laid the table. Had brother over (in support bubble).
DH and I have been arguing a lot lately but agreed to be kind to each other for the sake of the kids and Christmas.

He always seems I bite on everything I do. Cooked the meat and DH took some over to in laws. Had dinner and I cleared up then had zoom chat with friends who were doing a Christmas themed quiz, teenagers refused to join in as boring.
I then got engrossed in a film( As good as it gets) kids wanted to play a game so DH andDB started playing with them ( game was for 4 players)

They were making a lot of noise and I said to them, really nicely do you mind being a little quieter as I couldn't hear the film. DH then told me to fuck off! So I did and took myself to bed. Now I'm accused of ruining Christmas Was I unreasonable?

OP posts:

CrotchBurn · 26/12/2020 10:42

Who the fuck does your "D"H think he is?

formerbabe · 26/12/2020 10:44

No...sounds like a horrible time for you

RedHelenB · 26/12/2020 10:45

Stop being a martyr. I cringe every time I read a post about how someone had to get up early to prep the veg etc. Just ask them to help do it, or do it the night before. I'm a single parent and my kids help out. As did my ex.
Yes, game playing and talking is part of Christmas day. It would have been better to watch the film somewhere else.

Saz12 · 26/12/2020 10:50

Your DH’s only contribution to the day was playing a game with his DC.

You should have asked for help with gift wrapping, meal prep, clearing up, cleaning house, etc. If you had, would he have done it with good grace or would it be more hassle than it’s worth?

Telling you to “fuck off” in your own home is awful. Doing it in front of your DCs and DB is worse.

slipperywhensparticus · 26/12/2020 10:50

You didn't ruin Christmas he did telling you to fuck off if you abuse someone they will react either argue with you or remove themselves you removed yourself they can still enjoy their day

SchrodingersImmigrant · 26/12/2020 10:51

@RedHelenB

Stop being a martyr. I cringe every time I read a post about how someone had to get up early to prep the veg etc. Just ask them to help do it, or do it the night before. I'm a single parent and my kids help out. As did my ex. Yes, game playing and talking is part of Christmas day. It would have been better to watch the film somewhere else.

Can't disagree with this.

I hope your health is ok, OP

IMNOTSHOUTING · 26/12/2020 10:53

There might be an argument that people should be able to play games on Christmas day without keeping the noise down and you could have watched the film elsewhere BUT he was absolutely out of order by reacting like that, he could have simply asked you to watch the film somewhere or else or made a joke of it. He reacted in an angry abusive way and he is the one who ruined Christmas not you.

supersonicginandtonic · 26/12/2020 11:02

He definitely shouldn't have told you to 'f^*k off' and he sounds like a bit of an arse but come on, they are having fun on Christmas Day and you told them to be quiet 🤷‍♀️
I still get annoyed at 37 when my nana gets everybody to be quiet for the queens speech when we are all having fun

Original poster

Grinch25 · 26/12/2020 11:20

I'm sorry if my post comes across that I was a martyr. I was just trying to put into context how much work I had put in.
In hindsight I maybe I should not have watched the film . It was in and I got a bit engrossed.
I had tried to get the children involved in the quiz, which was fun.
I had every intention of playing games after the film. I didn't tell them to be quite, just a bit quieter. Probably wrong, but was upset on how he reacted.
I thought going to bed was better than arguing and I was tired.

OP posts:

RedHelenB · 26/12/2020 11:48

Just don't try so hard. The best bit about Covid Christmas is there us less rusing about to do so just go with the flow. If your family aren't bothered enough to help then I would scale preparations back and just go with the flow. Or if it is important to you, do all the prep but don't moan about it, you're doing it because you choose to.

billy1966 · 26/12/2020 12:42

You are married to a selfish pig.

What an awful excuse of a man to tell you f off like that.

I bet it's not the first time either.

I hope you work and have some independence because yours does not sound like a solid marriage with a pig like that.

You are a martyr though to have done all of that without help.

Take a look at yourself too and work on your self respect.

Shoxfordian · 26/12/2020 12:44

He sounds really disrespectful
Is he often rude to you like this?

CoRhona · 26/12/2020 12:47

I think that a game trumps TV especially with teens playing so you should have put on the subtitles.

But I also think your expectations of doing everything AND being in the presence of someone you're not getting along with AND not expecting an argument were unrealistic.

Cherrysoup · 26/12/2020 12:51

Telling you to fuck off is horrible but trying to watch a film quietly does not rump 4 people playing a game IMO.

YouBoughtMeAWall · 26/12/2020 12:52

I wouldn’t have even attempted to watch a film in the same room as 4 other people were playing a game. You were never going to get peace to watch it and they weren’t being unreasonable to be making noise whilst playing a game.

ForTheLoveOfCatFood · 26/12/2020 12:58

What did his db say when he told you to F off?
I think possible their fun trumps a film you could of watched later however you dh sounds vile and speaking to you like that in front of dcs wouldn’t be ok

QuantumJump · 26/12/2020 13:05

You shouldn't have told them to be quiet - playing family games is part of Christmas and it's no fun if you have to be quiet.
He shouldn't have told you to fuck off.
I'm not sure that you storming off to bed helped matters. He shouldn't have said that you ruined Christmas.

So there's blame on both sides IMO. Can you make up and both say sorry?

I hope your scan results are ok

Original poster

Grinch25 · 26/12/2020 13:18

Just to reiterate I didn't tell them to be quite, I asked them to be a little bit quieter.

I didn't storm off I just quietly got up and went to bed. He apologised this morning and I will let it go. But I do think he is a pig and he gaslights me a lot. Think once the children's exams are over I will be off

OP posts:

BrummyMum1 · 26/12/2020 13:36

There are 364 days in a year to watch a film in peace, Christmas is 1 day to enjoy spending with family if you are lucky enough not to spend it alone this year. Not acceptable being told to F*ck off if those were the words used but otherwise I agree with your DH. If DB was a guest, I also think it’a rude telling a guest to be quiet.

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