To say without even reading, just LTB

[Fruitbatdancer]

Am I the only one who scrolls down the latest AIBU threads and thinks, areshole, wanker, idiot, moron, arsehole repeat repeat repeat! It’s that time of year, seriously, some people put up with some real shit, and right now the world is full of enough shittyness without you having to suffer it at alone, at home, and at the hands of someone who supposedly loves you.
LTB.
You are better than this, you deserve better, your children deserve better. If you feel trapped and can’t LTB do confide in someone in real life, not just randoms on the internet. People will help you.
Amen and goodnight!

Whenever I see a thread entitled "Am I being too sensitive?" you don't even have to read the thread to know full well that they're not, and that the DP is going to be an unmitigated arsehole.

Honestly, the rest of the year I think most people are being way over the top. But Christmas seems to bring out the assholes in droves. The majority of people on AIBU today should LTB.

Whenever I see a thread entitled "Am I being too sensitive?" you don't even have to read the thread to know full well that they're not, and that the DP is going to be an unmitigated arsehole.

This. also am I over reacting is almost always likely to be under reacting

I do find it amazing what women are prepared to put up with for the sake of having a man on their arm and a willy in their bed. But each to their own.

For some women, having children is so important that they’ll put up with a complete loser of a man to achieve it.

Whenever a man can’t even be bothered to buy a Christmas present, I think ltb
Seen a few of those lately

@rollinggreenhills

Whenever I see a thread entitled "Am I being too sensitive?" you don't even have to read the thread to know full well that they're not, and that the DP is going to be an unmitigated arsehole.

What I find interesting about so many of those is that if you took away the title, and possibly the "but I don't know, am I in the wrong?" last line if it's there, it's obvious from reading it that they know they're not in the wrong. They start and possibly finish with a line that proclaims self-doubt, but nothing in between shows any of this at all; in fact, it's frequently put in quite powerful terms that, by itself, gives the very strong impression that they know damn well what's wrong here and that it's not acceptable.

They know the problem, they know it's not ok, and yet they so often feel a need to top and tail it with a quick "but is it me" line. Why?

They know the problem, they know it's not ok, and yet they so often feel a need to top and tail it with a quick "but is it me" line. Why?

For me it was the constant gaslighting. I still had fragments of sense, so on some level I knew he was just a total knob. But also I think I was driven to doubt myself so very much, although on paper it's all his fault you genuinely think 'yeah but I'm awful' but with no proof (because you're not).

I think economically many people are stuck in bad marriages and sometimes emotionally too. Many women know they should leave but often they are too exhausted either physically, mentally or both to face the upheaval.

Where to go, how will it affect the children, what will I live on, what support will I have, how can I juggle work, childcare and the fall out of a separation?

If you think how many times it takes a woman to leave an abusive relationship, is it 7 times? It’s no wonder that unhappy marriages just trundle along. For some people disappointment becomes the norm, you start to get used to it and are grateful for any light in the relationship.

“They know the problem, they know it's not ok, and yet they so often feel a need to top and tail it with a quick "but is it me" line. Why?“

Two possibilities:
One: a person who flat out just says “my partner is an arsehole, commiserate with me” will not get the responses they’re looking for. The poster is often feeling hurt and sad, so adjusts the language accordingly to illicit the required (for them) response, which is “there, there- you’re not alone and you have people thinking of you.” They don’t want to leave their partner, just put it out there and have others acknowledge that they have a right to feel sad and angry and hurt.

Second: although it happens to both sexes, this behaviour is predominantly a female trait because women are taught by society from an early age to be accommodating/ nice/ forgiving individuals. On the occasions (usually quite rightly and justifiably) that a female finds herself being less than accommodating/ forgiving/ nice and will not tolerate the crappy behaviour, in the back of her head there is a nagging voice telling her she’s being unreasonable. That really she should just get on with it and things aren’t that bad. This most commonly appears in threads where the OP uses phrases like “usually he’s a kind, thoughtful person but on this occasion, when he told me I looked like a fat turkey on a trampoline in my new dress I was really hurt...”
The use of the “AIBU... even though all this has happened” is mental preparation for being told “yes, you’re in the wrong because usually he’s a nice person.”

There is a third- and its the saddest one: some posters genuinely are in a world of hurt- their partners are abusive, cruel people and the OP genuinely believes they might be being unreasonable because they’ve been so trodden down that they believe what they are told by said partners- this presents in the AIBU question not because they want tea and sympathy or because they have some leftover patriarchal rubbish bouncing around in their heads, but because they have nobody else to ask, and are worried that their partners are right.

YANBU. It's incredible what women put up with. Mumsnet has enlightened me as to how many women have such poor self esteem that they stay in such shoddy relationships. What's frightening is a lot of these women are raising future women themselves. I count my blessings often that I was raised in a family of strong no nonsense women. The men in my family are solidly good partners and fathers who know that the alternative simply isn't an option unless they want to be out on their arses.