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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you to tell me the special things about Boxing Day/27th Christmas Dinner?

8 replies

TheBellOntheTree · 25/12/2020 19:02

DD is 6 and every year has Christmas Dinner with ExH and his family on Christmas Day. I have her until 11.30am, I do santa then she’s sent off to her dads.

This year I got her back at 5pm Christmas Day but usually she’d be overnight on CD and Boxing Day and be back with me 27th and then we’d do family presents and Christmas Dinner. We have some silly traditions like playing a board game, eating popcorn for tea, seeing who can open the last present the slowest etc. We each pick a present for the cat as well (because why not?). I absolutely love our tradition of Christmas once she’s back from her dads.

I was talking to a family member about this who has their children every other year from 24th to 27th and every other year does Christmas from 27th to 1st Jan.

She told me my way is “not the same” she says it’s not the same for her on her years at new years and her children know and called it fake Christmas and as teenagers have mocked the fake Christmas as try hard. She says I should prepare myself for my DD mocking our “fake christmas” as she grows up.

For context my ExH was abusive and violent. He dragged me through court and wanted full residency with no visitation for me. I compromised on Christmas and made my own traditions, so that I could get more of what I wanted in court which was her to live with me and visit her father regularly (EOW Sat – Sun, 1 full week in the 6 weeks and a long weekend in every 2 week holiday except the Christmas holidays was what he got as well as Christmas Day from 11.30am until 11.30am on 27th). He has DD overnight at his parents not his so couldn’t have her overnight this year due to the restrictions. He’s been having her for a few hours on his Saturday.

Tell me it’ll be ok? Or not? Tell me the positives of a Christmas later than the others.

OP posts:
CreepyCreepster · 25/12/2020 19:08

Your family member's children sound like spoilt rude horrors tbh Hmm

Ignore her and concentrate on making your own traditions with your DD.

littleloopylou · 25/12/2020 19:12

My parents divorced when I was a baby and I always, always had split Christmases. I didn't consider one way or day better than the other. The main impact is probably that even now, I don't care that much about celebrating Christmas on the actual day. I think the only way your daughter would look down on your Christmas is if you apologise for it or act like it's inferior in some way

TheBellOntheTree · 25/12/2020 19:13

@littleloopylou

My parents divorced when I was a baby and I always, always had split Christmases. I didn't consider one way or day better than the other. The main impact is probably that even now, I don't care that much about celebrating Christmas on the actual day. I think the only way your daughter would look down on your Christmas is if you apologise for it or act like it's inferior in some way
Absolutely not inferior or superior for that matter. It's just different and she can enjoy both Christmas's for different reasons.
OP posts:
Lougle · 25/12/2020 19:16

What matters is that you make the effort to make her Christmas special. The exact day that is on is irrelevant. Don't take someone else's life experience and let it stop you doing what you do.

Thingsthatgo · 25/12/2020 20:27

It is possible that, when she is older, she mocks your fake Christmas. It is also entirely possible that, when she is older still, your dd realises the effort that you went to every year to bring joy to her life and fill her Christmases with fun and memories to look back on. I went through a phase when I thought my family’s Christmas was lame. It lasted maybe three years before I realised that I was being a teenage prat, and I got over myself!

CreepyCreepster · 25/12/2020 20:39

Also when my now 17 yr old was a toddler, her dad fought for having her every other Christmas. When she was little she loved it because it was a 3 day telly and chocolate fest, very different to what we did at home. By the time she was 13 she refused to ever go there for Christmas again because in her words "it's shit and miserable and all him and my grandma do is sit in the conservatory smoking and arguing". That final year they served her Linda McCartney sausages boiled in a jar of pasta sauce for Christmas dinner (she's veggie, they are not) and had roasted the potatoes in goose fat so she couldn't eat them. They then told her she was being ungrateful when they'd gone to an extra special effort for her Hmm She's been with me by choice for every Christmas since. So... Don't despair.

Wheresmykimchi · 25/12/2020 20:45

They sound like twats. Don't let it spoil it for you

Lemmeout · 25/12/2020 20:48

Your family member’s dc sound like brats.
No not even bother listening to such shitmas advice from her.

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