Knock some sense into me ladies please

[Sockmonster23]

Had a bad breakup nearly two years ago and kids gone to his this afternoon, and wishing I tried harder to make relationship but I couldn’t he would insult me, threaten me , and tell me he would destroy me for the slightest disagreement but I thought he loved me once.

I’m feeling shit, a broken family but to be honest I didn’t spend Xmas with two of kids when I was with him as he took to the kids to his abusive mother who everyone else run away from one Xmas and they took photos that year of him sitting next to a girl who is a family friend a pretty girl who had a crush on him and sent them to me even though I asked him if we spend Xmas as a family and that’s when we were together. His mother loved shit stirring I know I’m better off without him and his some of his toxic family but Xmas is painful.

I had a lovely Xmas eve and morning then sad when I had to take the kids to him, he runs me down to them as well, it never ends 😳 the kids are very young. Sitting here drinking a little drink I barely drink and just wish I could find love and be happy. My kids make me happy but they have to spend time with him as well I know that. If I had them right now I wouldn’t feel like this.

You know you're better off without him. Your children will also see through him eventually

Even though you’re not with him, don’t like him, and he makes your life more difficult, your post is mainly about him.
Maybe try and refocus in 2021, so your life is actually about you and those you love and who love you, rather than some random.

Yes you are all right and that’s all I need some sense Back. I had a lovely week with the kids and now I’m alone and I knew it was coming and it’s hard.

You wish YOU had tried harder?

What about him? His behaviour was the problem no?
Come on, give yourself a talking to. You are definitely better off without him. Stop letting him carry on abusing you by proxy.

Oh yeah bad choice of words try to say harder.

I wish things were different but his behaviour was very difficult and abusive many times. I suggested many things mediation, relate, but he said I gave up too quickly on him and he didn’t mean to say those things at the time and he was sorry after but it happened again and again.

I’m not silly I know I had to get away for the kids and my sanity and we are fine and I’m glad I did get away believe me but today is hard , super hard without the kids. As a mother and human I only wanted a family and never thought I would spend Xmas alone without them. it’s alternate Xmases and this year fell on a day I had to take them back in evening. I’m just being silly, I know many many people do this. Its just my first year.

Definitely better off without them by the sound of them. Your family isn't broken - just smaller because it's lost the rot but hopefully more contented overall because of it

Your title to this thread is out of order - ‘knock some sense into me’
Really?
You say he would threaten you in your relationship, yet you use a phrase like that. Anyone that has suffered domestic violence knows exactly what it’s like when someone tries to ‘knock some sense’ into them.

I'm sure it's very hard, try to focus on the fact that you had the strength to leave. Some women never get the courage, you are strong and life must be better without feeling you are unsafe in your own home because of your own partner.
You did the best thing you could.
Try and distract yourself. Is there some cheesy Christmas tv you can't watch when the kids are there? Have a relaxing bath and spend some time looking after yourself.
Please stop being hard on yourself. Your kids will be back and you will feel better x

FabulouslyFab

Your title to this thread is out of order - ‘knock some sense into me’
Really?
You say he would threaten you in your relationship, yet you use a phrase like that. Anyone that has suffered domestic violence knows exactly what it’s like when someone tries to ‘knock some sense’ into them

It’s just a saying if you think I meant it wrongly sorry. I’m feeling down enough without having someone picking up on stuff that isn’t intended to be the way you perceive it.

To everyone else Thank you! I hope you have a lovely peaceful healthy Christmas .

OP ignore that poster. I am seeing more and more that as people become increasingly unhappy and frustrated with life these days, they are getting nastier on MN. Pulling other people down doesn't raise you up but still people do it Just ignore it.

You are not being unreasonable at all and you are better than that stupid man.

I left my ex who sounds similar to yours, a long time ago. I have a loving partner now and another dc. It breaks my heart and the child from that previous relationship has to go to him. She doesn't want to go either. It's so sad for them and you. I'd like to say it gets easier but I haven't found it is.

How long until your child comes home? Try to look at the positives if you can. You were brave to leave and strong to say ’no’ to the abuse.

I was hopeful my ex would give up because he is the way he is as a person (terrible parent and partner) I know he has rights too, he definitely wont though, he enjoys hurting me too much - even to this day.. I know I'll be flamed by someone but it's the truth in this situation.
You have my sympathies. Is there anything you can do hobby wise to fill the void? A film you want to watch ((with wine and chocolate) something that's just for you to enjoy and help pass the time?