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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be frustrated with Soon to be MIL!

21 replies

squiddybear · 25/12/2020 17:01

I'd like to start by saying that normally I have a good relationship with my partners mum! Last night she asked when we would be FaceTiming her tomorrow (she's in a tier 4 area), we explained that it would depend on when DS woke up and we would let her know when he was up and then arrange from there.
DS actually slept really well last night (he's 18 months) and didn't get up until 8:45!!! This was lovely for us and myself and my partner had a lovely lie in! At 8 we received a message saying 'hope you haven't forgotten to FaceTime us...' then at 8:30 it said 'do we presume that we will just hear from you later then!' This annoyed me but I just replied that DS wasn't awake yet and of course we would be calling them when he was.
DS got up, we messaged MIL and then got him ready. We then FaceTimed her to no response. We carry on with the morning until they called us back and we were greeted with 'you can't expect us to be on standby for when it is convenient for you'. We ignored and showed them what Santa had brought etc to be told oh well we got him that, well that looks familiar...
Now I'm not normally ungrateful however 3 out of our 6 gifts we got DS they got as well.
From October when they asked us what he would like we said we didn't really want to many toys, gave them a couple of ideas and asked them to please let us know what they get so we don't double up. They agreed to this and sent through a few things. Now none of the things they sent us they got! I'm upset because now we just have doubles!
AIBU to be annoyed with her today?

OP posts:

Keeva2017 · 25/12/2020 17:42

She sounds annoying and immature. Yanbu to ignore her for the rest of the day. The mardy morning messages put me off her more than anything else.

Cherrysoup · 25/12/2020 18:13

Contacting you twice so early? She wouldn’t be hearing from me.

Tistheseason17 · 25/12/2020 18:34

YANBU
She'll be fine tomorrow.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 25/12/2020 19:06

Cheeky mare.

WhatKatyDidNxt · 25/12/2020 19:08

Annoying. Is she always so annoying?

LolaSmiles · 25/12/2020 19:38

It sounds like a minor annoyance on the calls. Fair enough to play it hy ear on the morning, but after that a text to arrange a time would have been better in my opinion. I'm generally of the view that if you want to video call on christmas then you arrange a time to properly talk instead of expecting the other family to drop everything when it suits. Otherwise you get the situation you've had where they call you and you're busy then you call them and are frustrated that they didn't pick up and so on.

Presents though YANBU. It wouldn't have taken much for them to let you know what they had bought.

Teapotuser · 25/12/2020 19:39

What a twat.

SpaceOp · 25/12/2020 19:43

Is she sending you these messages or DH? Because if she's sending them to you, I'd be pretty blunt back.

Having said that, you do sound a bit like SIL. She can be annoyingly vague and I've got to the point now where I don't plan for anything with her. So, if you said you'd FaceTime first thing, a better solution is to provide a timeline and say, "DS normally wakes up at around 8 so we'll aim to facetime you a bit later" and, when she texted (if you were up, or when you did get up) respond with, "We all managed to have a lie in. Just woke up and will be FaceTiming as soon as we are up." or whatever . Then, if she continues to harass, a simple, "We weren't going to wake him up to FaceTime you MIL, surely you understand that?"

As for presents - just exchange what you can. Or get her to.

MrDarcyismines · 25/12/2020 19:46

You didn't give her a time. YABU.

Porridgeoat · 25/12/2020 19:48

Can’t you give them a mid morning time slot next time. 10:30am so you both have a plan.

TallFriendlyGinger · 25/12/2020 19:50

She messaged you at 8am thinking you'd forgotten to facetime? 😂 Doesn't she have anything better to do that early?

Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 25/12/2020 19:51

Make sure she is the one to exchange the 3 gifts..
My ils never had my number.. That way I was never responsible for them /dc keeping in touch. Or the making of arrangements to have them visit....
The ils who sat on their arses cuddling a day old ds while I made a Sunday dinner for 10..
Never again.

CodenameVillanelle · 25/12/2020 19:53

How bloody rude of her hassling you at 8am for a call!!

phoenixrosehere · 25/12/2020 20:01

Yanbu.

You and your partner explained that the time depended on what time the child woke up. If you talk to MIL often, surely they would know a possible time frame that your child wakes up and if they are a good sleeper or not. For you to say that it depends, says at least to me that your child isn’t consistent (many aren’t at that age) so it would be silly to plan a day around it. One text message is fine, two is a bit much since why would you forget if it has been spoken in about the night before unless you or your partner have form for being forgetful. Her comment about convenience is a bit hypocritical since she assumed grandchild to be up around the time she texted despite a vague timeframe being given.

*From October when they asked us what he would like we said we didn't really want to many toys, gave them a couple of ideas and asked them to please let us know what they get so we don't double up. They agreed to this and sent through a few things. Now none of the things they sent us they got! I'm upset because now we just have doubles!

This would definitely annoy me. What was the point of saying they got xyz and actually bought something else? Did they say that was what they were planning to get or that is what they bought already?

Original poster

squiddybear · 25/12/2020 20:13

Thanks all. It's a minor annoyance but just wound me up!
To put it into context they were doing anything today. They had no dinner to cook, they couldn't see anyone. It was impossible to give them a time because we just didn't know hence arranging it in the morning.
@SpaceOp it's a WhatsApp group so her, FIL, myself and my partner are in it.

OP posts:

Merryweather80 · 25/12/2020 23:41

She's been quite blunt and rude really. When you've got young children who nap it is difficult to arrange an exact time especially when you into consideration present unwrapping, dinner to cook and eat with small children too. We always make similar arrangements with family as DS (and I) naps when he wants to/ needs to. Sounds like she intentionally ignored your facetime call. She had nothing planned - what's her problem? I wish mine would give me a lie in.
The gifts is a really silly thing to do. I hope she kept her receipts, I think if I were you I would let OH sort that out with her. She sounds like she's been hard work today. Let's hope it's a bad day and not a taste of things to come.

Porridgeoat · 26/12/2020 17:50

I’m sure you could have said 11am and worked round the timing yourself

PandemicPavolova · 26/12/2020 18:12

She sounds immature. Good luck

Original poster

squiddybear · 26/12/2020 19:18

@Porridgeoat to confirm she wanted to see him come into the room and see the gifts.

OP posts:

Gobbycop · 26/12/2020 19:54

you can't expect us to be on standby for when it is convenient for you'.

No, but it's certainly easier for them as they don't have an 18 month old to look after.

That comment above would royally fuck me off, to the extent I probably wouldn't bother calling.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/12/2020 19:57

I'd be really irritated with this nonsense. Let your partner deal with her.

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