Trying not to let abusive ex ruin Christmas for us.

[Pebbledashery]

Having a lovely day so far with my little one. But I'm the back of mind I'm raging. Currently going through the Family court with violent ex.. Posted many times regarding this..
I've stopped the interim contact that was ordered on the basis of unsafe facilitation.. I offered a face time call to him so he could say happy Xmas to DD.. DD had to sit on my lap the whole time as when ever I got up she'd follow me.. I encouraged her to talk to him and bought her back every time she ran off.. He is unable to talk to me because of a restraining order.. He spent the whole call just showing DD pointless videos from when she was very little and the one thing I'm absolutely fuming about is he repeatedly kept saying "you'll be HOME with Daddy very soon" he must've said it about 10 times. Not... You'll see Daddy soon.. Or... You'll come to Daddy's House soon.. He kept referring to his house as HOME. I felt like screaming "she's got a home you p" but refrained. Even now he's still being manipulative and controlling. It will never stop. Trying not to let this violent thug ruin our day but he completely minimises my role in her life when I've raised her single handedly since day 1.
I hate him.

Sounds super tough and like he is a complete tw@t OP, but also sounds like you handled it really well and are doing the best for your little one. Hope you can enjoy the rest of your day and good luck with your longer term battle. 🎄🤞

Thank you x trying to not let it affect the day as I know that's what he wants.

OP you're amazing, you got DD away from him, you stopped contact when it wasn't safe. I hope you manage to carry on with your day without him in mind.

He was saying that for your ‘benefit’. To try to wrong foot you
Ignore it.

He had his few mins- now forget that/ him and enjoy the rest of your day

You’re doing great

Thank you. Just made me so angry that he still thinks he can control everything. He's just so manipulative. We've had a lovely day. Didn't let him ruin it. But just the future I worry about with this narcissist.

I’m so lad you’ve left him, OP. Was he difficult to get rid of?

@coldwaterfeed yes. I left him, he threatened to destroy my life and got hounded for a week on my numbers, work numbers, work emails, every time I blocked him he found a way of contacting me, got his friends to harass me as well too. So I got an injunction served to him.. When he realised that was it and we'd left for good.. He tried to commit suicide and ended up in hospital. Social services think he's highly dangerous.. But apparently he as well as his solicitor think he's the model father and no risk at all. The way he was with DD on the face time was so false. He will ruin her life if he gets unsupervised contact. He's just so dangerous and violent.. He won't stop at anything to get what he wants.

Sounds horrific OP I'm glad SS know he's dangerous. Is he likely to just get phone contact for the foreseeable future?

He had interim contact ordered from the judge at our first hearing but cafcass have tried to get the judge to change the order to stop the contact! as there are a number of safeguarding risks. I took DD to the a few sessions but it just became unsafe so I've stopped dbg breached the order. Probably going to be told off by the judge if he enforces the court order but there's too many safeguarding risks.

So glad you have Cafcass support too. Hope the judge realises you have SS and Cafcass support. What's your support network like, do you have some good family members/friends nearby?

Pretty much on my own as I have to move as far away as I could. Just scared for the future.

Glad to find a recent post on this subject, some I was looking at are older ones.
You done really well, he pushed your buttons but you let him have his call and that was that.
My exP said upon dropping DS back to me on xmas eve, could he call/that he would call the next day, I said yes that's fine. I sent him a pic of our DS as I had framed a nice pic of him holding one of his gifts to unwrap, no reply, I put some of his non replies down to me recently having to tell him what contact by phone I didn't want. No call came so I text to say it's okay to ring, thinking he might of been waiting for my cue, no call. Got told in the last couple of days that he wasn't well 😳 pathetic excuse! Maybe self inflicted. Or maybe part of his abuse. I hear in the background maybe professional and non professional advice would be, don't chase him, don't ask why he hasn't been in touch etc. But then I do pull him up on things because I think if I don't then he is getting away with it, and if we just sit there replying all nicely when he gets in touch that is putting him in control surely! As he then thinks he can call the shots and we must jump for him.

No judge can or should tell you off for protecting your child. You are putting her needs first and if that means no contact then so be it.
Sounds like you are doing all you can. Have you a solicitor or any support at court. Your local womens aid charity can help.

Thank you xxx
I was going to offer a face time weekly but he is so manipulative I just don't think it's good for my emotional well being. He can always ask as well.. I don't have to offer do I? I hope they don't come down on me too hard for breaching the order. We've put an application in to vary also which should hopefully placate the situation a bit. Its so hard, it really is. He's an evil and violent person and it breaks my heart to think he's going up poison my beautiful baby girl against me.

Yes, I have a solicitor. I also have two IDVAs! One from the area I fled from and one from the area I've relocated. My IDVA in the area I fled from didn't want to stop helping me because of how violent he is and how vulnerable we are.. Even cafcass can quite clearly see how violent he is. I had every known authority involved.. It was just the judge on the day.. He didn't listen to anything my barrister said.. Didn't receive a full court bundle, and just thought I was an obstructive mother stopping a wonderful father seeing his daughter.. Took me a good 3 days of crying after that hearing to pull myself together.