Sad :(

[SpicedChaiLatte]

To feel annoyed
To feel embarrassed
To want to end things with him.

I feel very uneasy posting this on here, but would be very grateful for some support.

My sons father is in prison, this is the first year out of 9 years that we haven’t spent the day together.

I still decided to go ahead with the day, despite our son telling me that he doesn’t want to celebrate ANYTHING this year.

He will not come out of his bedroom to open his presents, I’ve been awake since 4am just crying.

I scroll through my social media page, everyone else’s child looks so happy.

I feel so empty inside, although my head feels so heavy.

Being in tier 4 has made this situation even worse.

I don’t know what else to say.

Merry Christmas to all of you here.

Sorry you're having such a naff day. How old is your son? Can you have an alternative Christmas? Takeaway and favourite Netflix series? Local walk to get some fresh air. How long is he in prison form

First of all, don't take any notice of social media. A quick glance at the threads here this morning will tell you that everything is not always perfect behind closed doors.

How old is your son?

Stop trying to make him come out.

Say to him that if he wants the presents, they are there, and if he doesn't, it's absolutely fine and you can do something he wants. Let him come out in his own time.
Meanwhile try to calm down and relax a bit. He knows you are upset too.

Just let him take the lead on what can the day be like.

@alltheadrenalin

Sorry you're having such a naff day. How old is your son? Can you have an alternative Christmas? Takeaway and favourite Netflix series? Local walk to get some fresh air. How long is he in prison form

Our sons is 9, thank you for the lovely suggestions but my son doesn’t want to do anything ☹️

He is on remand, so hasn’t been sentenced yet. Legal team have told me if he is found guilty that he could face 14+ years.

Hello OP, that sounds really tough.

I agree probably best just to leave your son until he is ready to come out. In the meantime, take care of you.

Don't worry about having the stereotypical Christmas - it's very overrated IMO!

Avoid social media if you can, not helpful at all.

Hope the day gets better for you both xxx

Oh op thats really shit. Poor you and your poor DS.

Sm is 95% bullshit. Im sure there are plenty of happy DC but there are also plenty of DC in a similar boat to your DS.

I agree with shrodinger just leave him be for now and let him come out in his own time if he wants to. Let him know your here

Start cooking something that will smell delicious and hunger will drive him out of his room soon!

I’m sorry. Has he only very recently been taken into prison? It sounds like it is still very raw for your son so I think it’s reasonable to put Christmas to one side for the morning and take the pressure off. It might be that later in the day your son will feel ready to open his gifts but in the meantime is there anything your son would be able to be engaged in, even something completely non-Christmassy? Maybe writing to his Dad? Is he at all crafty? I wonder if he would be interested in making a ‘Christmas 2020’ scrapbook for his Dad where he can write/ draw/ take photos etc of everything to share with him later so he doesn’t feel like his Dad has to miss out on the day?

I think it's important to not pretend that it's a normal day. Let him that it's shit for you too and you miss his dad too. And then just play it be ear but try not to conform to traditions too much.

Leave his presents outside the door & get on with your day. I don't mean to sound harsh but at 9 he doesn't fully understand why his dad isn't there and just feels miserable. Which is fine but he doesn't get to be rude and ungrateful. Don't put any pressure on yourself or him, it's just another day. And remember, you didn't ruin christmas - you are the one having to pick up the pieces. I don't know your circumstances re prison and I don't need to know, but you are free to leave a relationship at any time. You may be on your own for a long time anyway.

I think this year has to be a 'do whatever gets you through it' Christmas. If that's presents tomorrow, chips for dinner or a walk on the beach, just do anything that helps.

In the New Year look for some support from organisations that help young people who have parents in prison. They are out there and will be so helpful if you partner gets a long sentence.

Good luck, and don't forget you need to look after yourself too.

Oh bless him and you, he probably feels it’s disloyal to his dad to have a nice time.
I would explain that it will make his dad happy to think of him having a nice time xx

@SpicedChaiLatte so sorry to hear you're having such an awful day. I think I remember you - despite your son being sad, I do think you did the right thing being honest with him about the situation xx

Might it be possible to do a "really nice" day instead of a Christmas Day? Favourite takeaway instead of Xmas Dinner, favourite non-Xmas movies and programmes? So he can do some enjoyable things without feeling he's having Christmas when his dad can't. And you'd be doing what he wants ie not celebrating ANYTHING .... just having a quiet and nice non Christmassy time.

Forgive me if I'm overstepping, but if I remember, you weren't keen on getting in touch with any support services for kids with parents in prison. Might you think about reconsidering? Because it sounds really hard for both of you! The kind of situation you're facing today would be the sort of thing they could help you navigate x

He might take comfort in knowing today has been shitty and different for an awful lot of families today and he's not alone in feeling a bit crap.

It might be the anxiousness on if your DP is found guilty or not and so perhaps your DS is feeling like he's a bit in limbo on the 'will he, won't he' be sent to prison or not? That must be incredibly frustrating and hopefully things will settle down once you know for sure.