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Not to expect so called friend to call every single day with plans for us to get together?

15 replies

Indiechick · 24/10/2007 11:52

I know I'm being anti-social but I don't even consider this woman my friend, she's just another mother at the nursery with a kid my dd doesn't even really like. But she calls at least four/five times a week asking me to spend time with her. Even though I've explained that I prefer to spend weekends with dd and hubby as we both work fulltime and it's the only time we get to spend with it each other. She calls without fail ever Sat and Sun before 10 asking what I'm doing for the day. If I ignore the phone, she rings every ten minutes. She's started calling me at work also. Is it me or is this a bit ridiculous!

OP posts:

WideWebWitch · 24/10/2007 11:56

Ridiculous and annoying. If you don't even like her (at all?) just stop taking her calls. or answer and say "sorry, I'm busy" every time. Poor woman though, she sounds lonely.


LittleMissNervoustWitch · 24/10/2007 11:58

oh dear, i dont think YABU to not want to spend every 5 mins in her company, does she not have other friends? you need to sit her down and have a chat with her me thinks, but not sure what advice i would give on what to say to her
maybe make up a story about a friend who wont stop calling you, and at work and weekends and its getting you down and maybe she will take the hint!
Hide any bunnies and big pots though!


Saturn74 · 24/10/2007 11:59

Unplug the phone.


TwigorTreat · 24/10/2007 11:59

Next time she calls say "Hi I'm really sorry but could you please stop calling at the weekend because we have plans most weekends and I'm beginning to find it embarrassing. I shall call you if we happen to be free"


Flibbertyjibbet · 24/10/2007 12:00

Yes it is a bit ridiculous but perhaps she is lonely. If you keep just saying that you are busy then she should get the message. You will have to tell her directly that you can't take calls from her at work - I'd go ballistic if anyone started doing this with me.
Someone I met after DS2 was born started 'plaguing' me like this and after a while she got the message. You are not being anti-social - I don't even have a lot of time for the people that I DO like to spend time with these days so someone I don't particularly like won't even make it on to my social radar sorry.


HairyIrene · 24/10/2007 12:07

how did she get the number?
surprised when you say you work ft, as its usually when people know you have 'time' they ring..
i had to tell someone i quite liked that weekends were sort of off limits only time to see dh etc..and she was fine
she sounds a bit nutty and take in hand and do as twig says..i'll call you if free..type convo?

i've met a load of mad folks since having are not alone!!


MuffinMclay · 24/10/2007 12:50

Sounds like she is lonely.

I wouldn't pick up the phone at the weekends if you suspect it is her.


HappyDaddy · 24/10/2007 13:36

Why did you give her your numbers?


Indiechick · 24/10/2007 14:13

I think she originally got them 'cos I invited her son to my dd's birthday party. I went to a nursery thing once with her on a Sat, well not really with her, practically every other parent was there also. I have now said no about six times but she's not getting the hint, I think I need to be more direct.

OP posts:

minouminou · 24/10/2007 14:28

oh dear - she sounds desperately lonely. Do you have another chum who maybe is a single mum who may have more free time at the weekends?
if so, maybe the two could get together - if this woman finds more friends, she'll be a lot happier and won't bother you so much
it's a pain, as she's bugging you, but maybe if you give her a helping hand (shunt in the right direction - away from you), everyone'll be happier


bookofthedeadmum · 24/10/2007 14:33

You're not being anti-social, you don't have to spend time with her if you don't want to. She's probably lonely and not realising that she's invading your personal time/space.

Saturdays are sacrosant for me to spend time with my dp and dd - I work full-time during the week.

And be careful who you give work contact details to - I rarely give them out since most people can reach me on my mobile. Can save a bit of hassle .


HairyIrene · 24/10/2007 15:45

ahh innocent giving of number i do sympathise..

good suggestion re any single mums you know..

in early days i hooked up with mad pauline, but we met echogirl in park and they got on like a house on fire ..exit stage left..


LadyPenelope · 25/10/2007 02:26

Sounds like she's lonely and not very good at reading social cues. Sounds like she likes you, probably found you friendly and easy going the time you went to nursery together, and would like to see you again.

Usually people get the hint, don't they, if you are just a bit cool and say no thanks, without following up with an alternative date or offer. Think in this case you need to be direct and still kind. So something along the lines of " XXX, I'm feeling embarrassed because each time you call, I'm not able to get together with you. The truth is that I don't really socialise much - we keep weekends just for family, and what with working full time, I'm never free in the week either. Think it's best if we leave it for a while. We'll catch up at nursery sometime when we are both there." If you get the chance, also say that you can't take calls at work.


tigermoth · 25/10/2007 07:17

Has this woman been taking her child to nursery longer than you? If so, you could have a quiet word with one of the nursery staff. Say you are worried about her as she she may be very lonely - even possibly depressed. The staff may be able to help her find friends and join social activities.

Agree with others that you have to talk to her. Explain how your weekends are mainly taken up with family stuff. Christmas is an extra excuse - say your weekends are all booked up with christmas preparation, family and friend visits, etc.


PellMell · 25/10/2007 07:37

You just have to be straight with her.

"You know whenever you call I have other plans-well I really don't have any time because .................."
you could then maybe offer some suggestions to her of things going on that divert away from you.
If it upsets her, never mind!!! she'll get over it

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