4yo behaviour

[Eryouwhat]

Aibu to ask for your suggestions of what to do?

4yo dd. Absolute dream at school apparently.

Doesn’t listen to me, dh, dgps etc when we’re out and about. Runs off, doesn’t come back, bolts into roads etc etc. Really struggling today as just had a nightmare trip to shops. Seemed to be surrounded by well behaved children staring round eyed at my screaming struggling whirling dervish. No sen.

What do you do when you’re out and about and they behave like this? I can’t cut trips short, I’m out for essential reasons and sometimes unavoidably have to take her. Everything I read say consequences for this age group should be immediate, so time out/naughty step/loss of treats when we get home etc are pointless

Please help!

What I think is that your thinking about the issue is very rigid and the rather personal attack you have launched on this thread towards posters describing their own children is unhelpful.

[quote BuggerBognor]@MoodyMarshall that speaks volumes about the degree of confidence in supposed “professionals” familiarity with their own diagnostic manual. What a sad and depressing indictment.

DS was diagnosed at the Lorna Wing centre earlier this year and neither term was used. When I asked about it I was categorically told that those expressions were no longer part of current clinical practice and would not be in their report. (I was asking specifically with one eye on EHCP).

I’ll take their word fir it, thanks.[/quote]
When you say 'their own diagnostic manual' why do you assume they have used DSM, rather then the ICD-10?

@BuggerBognor the DSM is only one of two possible diagnostic manuals. Many clinicians use the ICD-10, which does still contain Aspergers. An Aspergers diagnosis is still possible until at least 2022

connecttoautism.org/does-asperger-syndrome-still-exist/

I suggest you get off your high horse because you clearly don’t know what you are talking about.

@BuggerBognor ICD-10 is more commonly used in the UK than DSM and does still refer to Asperger's, so you are not 'right'.

There are plenty of autistic people who find 'ASD' offensive, but that is the choice of terminology in DSM-5 regardless of their feelings.

@BuggerBognor, all the psychiatrists I know in the UK still use ICD-10 ( and for reference that is probably a lot more than most people as DH is a professor of psychiatry and obviously we have many friends who are in the same job as him)
It is not invalid to refer to a diagnosis of aspergers at this point.
I am also very confused about your point that you can no longer make a diagnosis of polio, not sure all those affected in eg Afghanistan would be amused to hear they don’t really have polio.
You have been unnecessarily rude to several posters on this thread, and it is unreasonable to ignore parents choice of preferred terminology in this instance. I am currently teaching a kid whom the parents described at HFA, i would totally agree with them, very academically able but also classic autistic behaviours.
OP I don’t think your dd sounds as though she has a diagnosable condition, just probably doesn’t like shopping, both my dc1 and 4 were like that at that age dc4 in particular a nightmare for running off and hiding in eg clothes rails. Both have turned into perfectly well adjusted adults with responsible careers, and have given up acting up when shopping 😀

I think the diagnostic wording may not even be the most relevant thing here.
The autistic community are pretty vocal about the damage that functioning labels can do (including asperger’s). It’s more and more apparent (with more research being conducted in this area) that autistic people find functioning labels offensive, calling it ASD, and saying ‘people with autism’. These unnecessarily focus on the ‘disorder’ element or make it sound like an illness, and the wording we use can affect stigma or how people view autistic people.
So I’d say that yes, if you want to support autistic people, it might be best to do what you can do drop the kind of language that promotes stigma. It’s kind of the least we can do.

I have a 3yo like this. Rather than constant no’s getting angry and frustrated (I know easier said than done) I do humour her a little but also try distractions. Instead of walking around the supermarket screaming in the trolley (I hate seeing kids do this with parents just telling them off) I will let her out and get her to help, pass me some spaghetti, or say things like o which cereals do we need etc... I also let her stand and play with the toys for a while to satisfy the need before using an incentive to move on, right we better go and see if they have any donuts/cupcakes before they run out... I have a cheap plastic toy trolley in the boot of the car I sometimes let her take that in. She usually gets tired of it and wants back in the trolley, so I just hang it on the trolley.

I’ve found including her in little things helps a lot, if getting in the car I will give her a job, she wants to climb in herself so I ask her do do things like put my sunglasses on my seat for me while I put stuff in the boot or can she turn the radio on. I say it before we get to the car so she is focussing in the job and not going to run off. The same getting out of the car, I will ask her to help me carry something to distract her, or say quick go knock on the door and get daddy to come and help us.

It dosnt always work but it definitely makes life a little easier x

I think avoiding shopping and busy places for the moment is a perfectly reasonable response, especially with Covid. We have an 8 year old with two of the diagnoses mentioned on this thread (I won't name them for fear of using the wrong words!) and while she is highly intelligent, her ability to keep it together in public has always lagged her calendar age by several years. We've only really dared do supermarkets for about a year. It's not an issue. One of us goes and we get most stuff delivered. We used reins a lot too around the age of 3 or 4 - those Little Life backpacks are good. She was particularly awful at castles. She used to try to post herself through slit windows or go for a swim in the moat.