chatting while someone is on their phone

[motherxmas]

Just had a random argument with DH - and was wondering what other people think.

I've been brought up that when someone is talking to you (and if you are interested in interacting with them) it is polite to stop what you are doing i.e. reading, scrolling on your phone etc and engage with them. And, in turn, if you're busy then not looking up from your phone/computer/book is basically for when you cant/dont want to chat.

Now DH is always on his phone/computer and whenever I talk to him - he just carries on with his devices. I've often mentioned it to him that it just feels rude to me, but he says that everyone does it and frankly, he can do two things at once and I should get over it. Not sure who is being more unreasonable here.

YABU - expecting DH to put his devices down and actually look at me when we chat

YANBU - to expect him to do that.

I just stop talking till someone puts it down. Or if it’s Dh say ‘put it down’. I won’t waste my breath.

Your right OP. Walk off mid convo so if he realises. You can’t be paying full attention while your engaging txting/on a computer.

I don't really do eye contact so not dissed if someone is looking at their phone and talking to me, so long as their attention is there and they are not having a halfhearted conversation.

YANBU

However on the flip side I wish my husband wouldn't insist on starting a conversation with me (and expect my full attention) when he can clearly see I'm in the middle of something on the computer, eg. Typing an email.

thanks really interesting to hear other people's opinions. Part of the issue is that I use it as a signalling mechanism i.e. if I say something but the person just carries on then I know they are busy (I do the same). But we were raised in different places so not sure whether it's just a question of upbringing.

It really depends on the situation, doesn't it?

If the person is engrossed in something and you expect them to immediately stop and give you their full attention, that's pretty rude in itself.

If you are just asking them a one-line question e.g. what do you want for dinner? I think it's fine that they don't unengage with what they are doing to answer.

If however you need to have a proper conversation then yes, they should put the book/game down and engage properly.

It depends on the context. If DP is on his phone and you walk into the room and just start talking about him YABU to expect him to immediately stop what he’s doing and give you his undivided attention. Equally if you’re just asking a quick question it’s not necessarily that hard for him to multi-task and listen/ respond to you at the same time as doing whatever he’s up to on his phone/ computer. I don’t think you should expect someone’s undivided attention for every single conversation no matter how mundane and even before phones/ computers I don’t think this was the norm in many households. I remember my parents sitting in the same room and my Dad might for example be reading the newspaper and my mum knitting whilst engaging in conversations at the same time without always putting the paper/ knitting down. Equally plenty of chat would be had whilst simultaneously watching TV, it certainly not wasn’t switched off/ paused every find somebody wanted to say something. If you live together then a lot of day to day chit chat can take place alongside other activities.

Obviously there are some situations where the nature of the situation or conversation means that you do want or expect someone’s undivided attention, around the dinner table for example it would be rude to have out your phone or when discussing something serious etc. But if you’re talking about day to day chit chat then I don’t think you can expect your partner to never be doing anything else whilst you talk to him.

If someone is doing the dishes or folding washing and they carry on, fine, they are using their hands not their mind. But if they are reading, writing or going on their phone and they don't stop then it pisses me off.
I actually stopped seeing a friend because I would have to repeat myself 4x before I got a reply.

these kind of interactions leave me feeling upset to be honest. I've had arguments with dh about it and he has with me. I understand phones are quite addictive though so it can be hard.

I'm on my phone on Christmas day- its crap