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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I have sent dd?

13 replies

Concernedmama1 · 24/12/2020 10:19

Dd is 2 years old, she started having contact with her dad said since mid 2020 which was court order.. I left him because he was abusive and started being abusive to dd (emotionally, however did through water in her face when she was crying at 8 months old). Cafcass done a report and found dd to be at a moderate risk to violence/harm from ex but said contact should progress because family support lowered the risk. Since contact started dd had a regression in speech. Dd has been going overnight, for a couple of months and each time she has returned home she has been withdrawn, agressive, easily startled, head banging, having night terrors. I have tried to talk to ex about this but he told me not to escalate things again.. health visitor raised concerns and went to social about it, who has offered us both early intervention help for dd.. which I've accepted but ex has rejected saying 'dd behavior while with you is down to you and I've told social I don't need the help' which has raised more alarm bells for me. We are currently self isolating also.

We have a court order that says dd was to be with ex from yesterday to Xmas day but because if the issues and self isolating I have said that contact should be supervised and looking to vary in the new year. Ex is now going to apply for a change of residence because of this breach. Dd saw ex eow for one night and cafcass suggested a video call which ex refused to do and still does.

Should I have sent dd for contact?

OP posts:
Concernedmama1 · 24/12/2020 10:32

Bump

OP posts:
PlanDeRaccordement · 24/12/2020 10:38

Well you say it is court ordered so not sure if you have much choice,
You should definitely go back to court to have the contact changed to no contact or supervised only contact.
Do you have any evidence of abuse? Bruising? Child saying “daddy hurt me” or anything? Video of her afraid and refusing to stay with Dad when you drop her off? Evidence of her dropped off in same/dirty clothes you took her in to his place? You need to keep a log with photo/video evidence. As much as you can gather.

PlanDeRaccordement · 24/12/2020 10:39

As for now, since you are Covid isolating I do not think you are in breach of contact at all. That trumps the court order.

KarlKennedysDurianFruit · 24/12/2020 10:41

I wouldn't when she's coming home head banging and having night reports, he takes no responsibility for supporting her wellbeing and on top of that you're isolating , get back to court asap, get supporting evidence from health visitor and social worker regarding the impact contact has for her and that he's been offered support to help her but refuses to engage

KarlKennedysDurianFruit · 24/12/2020 10:42

*terrors

PerfectPenquins · 24/12/2020 10:43

Is have done the same, but get your application into court ASAP. Your poor daughter I'm so sorry.

Royalbloo · 24/12/2020 10:45

I would have done exactly as you have.

Keratinsmooth · 24/12/2020 10:51

Use self isolating as reason for no contact whilst you get ducks in a row. Have you tried mediation?

PetalsFall · 24/12/2020 11:21

Wasn’t this posted the other day?!

Concernedmama1 · 24/12/2020 11:36

@PerfectPenquins did you end up breaching the order?

I have videos of her being handed over screaming and flinging herself, we have a handover book with ex saying she is only drinking 100ml of water during an overnight stay and refusing to engage with him.

OP posts:
Concernedmama1 · 24/12/2020 12:25

@PetalsFall yes it was but in regards to something else.

OP posts:
PlanDeRaccordement · 24/12/2020 12:44

Those videos are good evidence. Keep her home due to “Covid” until you can get that court order changed.

Souperspooker · 24/12/2020 12:48

Just sending sympathy, sounds awful for you and her.

Stay strong and follow your instincts. Get as much support as you can.

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