Tell me your best cracker joke

[josephinebonaparted]

Inspired by another thread, and to cheer us up a bit, please can you tell me your best cracker joke?

What do angry mice send at Christmas?

Cross mouse cards.

Where do Pirates do their Christmas shopping?

Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrgos

Why did the pirates have to self isolate?

Because the Arrrrrrr rate had gone up

(sensing a pirate theme here)

How do you make a Venetian blind?
Poke his eyes out!

Why do squirrels swim on their backs?

To keep their nuts dry.

An oldie.... How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza?

Deep and crisp and even

How do you make a Maltese cross?

Stamp on their foot.

Why was the snowman rummaging in the box of carrots?

He was picking his nose!

What did the snowman say to the other snowman?

Smells like carrots.

Why did Santa self-isolate?

He caught Coro-ho-ho-honavirus.

@mrstnov13

What did the snowman say to the other snowman?

Smells like carrots.

Also, it's cold out here.

What do you call a snowman with a 6 pack?
The abdominal snowman

What type of cars do Star Wars actors drive?

Toyoda

How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he visits?

He keeps a log book

Who says "Oh! Oh! Oh!"

Father Christmas walking backwards.

Not an actual cracker joke as such, but I still remember one of the funniest cards that childish as I am I laughed at for ages. Rudolph was standing there, wearied as anything, and saying "You really have lost your zest for this job, after all these years, haven't you" - to a red-faced, puffy-cheeked Santa, sitting on the chimney pot, with his trousers down round his ankles

Been done to death but still funny...

What is Dominic Cumming's favourite Christmas song?

Driving home for Christmas.

What should you do if you see a space man?

Park in it man!

Why doesn’t Santa have any children?

Because he only comes once a year and that’s down the chimney.

@JovialNickname

An oldie.... How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza?

Deep and crisp and even

Deep pan, crisp and even

My dog barks in Spanish.

He's Espanol

What travels at 100 mph under water? A motor pike.

What travels at 50 mph under water. A motor pike and side carp.

What should you do if you see a space man?

Park in it man!

That reminds me of another one:

Who is the coolest person in the hospital?

The ultra-sound guy!

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Kids' answer: Because 7 8 9!

Adults' answer: Because 7 is a registered 6-offender!

Who gives animals their presents ?
Santa Paws.

Why is 2020 like Sleeping Beauty.

Because one careless prick can shut every thing down.

Not a cracker, but in today’s Times newspaper.