Would you be OK with this?

[Pollypocket89]

Having a zoom call this evening with a few friends and one of them mentioned their partner had messages on his phone from an upset female friend who he was consoling where he said she was extraordinarily attractive (not in a creepy way) and her thanking him for the hug... Would you be OK with your dp saying that to someone? I didn't like it, they're moving in together soon

I would be ok up until the point where he told her she was extraordinarily attractive.

Nope I dont personally think its appropriate. But my husband doesnt really comment on other peoples looks...if he was the type of person to shower people with over the top compliments, men and women rather than just one attractive woman then it wouldnt be out of character and I'd be less bothered

What I wouldn't be ok is someone snooping on my phone?

No the extraordinarily attractive is a step too far.

To answe this though. Depends on the context of the whole upset, doesn't it.

Does he generally compliment people's appearance?

It’s inappropriate.

Context for the upset was people not being very nice to her at work, his reply said to be blunt you're extraordinarily attractive (and that brings that out in some people) or something like that

If she’s fine with it then she’s fine. She knows him and their relationship. From your update it just sounds like a Pat on the shoulder compliment.

She's not overly fine with it or hugging someone at the moment

I personally would not be bothered but that is probably because the way I communicate with my friends. I am on a group text with a mixed group of male and female friends (we are all married to people outside of group) and we regularly called each other good looking, fit and sometimes even sexy. We are all very happy in our marriages and none of us would cheat, we are just giving each other a boost and having a cheeky little flirt....

Fair enough. She was bothered about him hugging someone during lockdown. I think if it was a long term friendship she'd feel differently but it's a new work friend of a few months

I wouldn't like it either, OP. But not your Circus, not your monkeys. Nothing you can do.

Don’t think I could possibly be less bothered about anything given the context.

How does your “friend” know about this anyway?

Hmmm. This greatly depends on the people involved. I have two colleagues who I could see saying this to a woman in the office. One I would have zero concerns about it being anything other than a passing comment. The other, it would definitely be a 'come on'. So it could be innocent, it may not be.

That said, the dog whistle woman in my office would say she is treated badly because she is attractive, where as she's not treated badly, she's just not made friends there because she's not a very nice person. So really, there could be more at play here.

No need for inverted commas around friend lol she knows cause she saw it on his phone when he was showing her something. I don't know any more than that

He's mentioned the horrible time this woman has been having so I don't think it's the dog whistle thing. None of us were questioning the validity of the woman's situation, just whether you'd be OK with your oh calling another woman that and hugging them in the current times

She's asked him about it and he's told her he's not apologising for it as she's his friend and it's true. Not the way I thought that would go!