AIBU to consider another baby?

[Rosetrees]

I am so lucky to have two beautiful boys who I absolutely adore. We have a comfortable lifestyle, and can afford to give them experiences and opportunities. My husband and I are a good team but we found the baby years exhausting.

Since my youngest has turned four I've suddenly become extremely broody. This year has made me realise how important family is. My husband can understand where I'm coming from, but doesn't think we need another child.

His main concerns are the environment, age gap and spreading ourselves too thinly.

I do agree with him, and would hate to think my boys might go without some opportunities because I wanted another baby. We are so privileged to have our sons, and don't need another child.

Is it selfish to consider it? Will I stop being broody in time?

Yanbu to consider it but if your husband is set against it that's that really. It's a huge step that you both have to be on board with. I dare say you will get less broody with time.

Is it selfish? Yes - you are ignoring your husbands view so that is inherently selfish. It sounds like there are a variety of sensible reasons why you should settle with your family as is.

I can't advise on whether the broodiness will go away

YANBU to want a third. However there comes a time when the balance tips. I didn't want to try for a third in case it had a more detrimental effect on my existing family than benefit. Off the top of my head I considered - multiple birth, dangers pregnancy and birth brings, sever disability etc.

Thanks for the replies.

My husband is not set against it, just thinks we have everything we already need.

I think I just need to find ways to distract myself from the broodiness.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

YANBU to want a third. However there comes a time when the balance tips. I didn't want to try for a third in case it had a more detrimental effect on my existing family than benefit. Off the top of my head I considered - multiple birth, dangers pregnancy and birth brings, sever disability etc.

This is really helpful. Thank you.

YABU. Your husband has said it’s a no from him and 2 is surely enough. People need to be mindful of how many they can cope with, unless you want to be that person moaning 24/7 about how hard it all is for them

YANBU to want a third child, I love having three and like you have a been a very fortunate financial position.
However do you want another baby because you want three children or because your youngest is 4 and growing up? When my third child was four I really wanted a fourth but then realised I couldn’t keep having another baby when the youngest turned four/five/started school.

@SmallChrismas

YANBU to want a third child, I love having three and like you have a been a very fortunate financial position. However do you want another baby because you want three children or because your youngest is 4 and growing up? When my third child was four I really wanted a fourth but then realised I couldn’t keep having another baby when the youngest turned four/five/started school.

Very helpful thanks.

I've heard this a lot from friends when their youngest has started school (and I reckon I will be exactly the same!). The main advice I've had is to give it a year and see how you feel - a lot of my friends found once they were fully out of the pre-schooler years they didn't miss them and felt happy with the next stage of having children (as opposed to babies).

I wonder if that broodyness ever goes away. I have 3 beautiful healthy babies (15,12,8) not so little I know but I've been so broody last 2 years. Keep thinking how lovely one more would be but then I have a reality check and realise , life is just nice now, they entertain themselves ,no childcare costs and then being older now it's more high risk makes me realise I am just lucky to have what I have. I don't think yabu but consider all the factors involved and how that might change

Are you picturing a baby or an additional family member? Broodiness when the youngest is about four is often a reaction to the passing of that stage of your life so if when you feel broody you see a baby and just a baby that is one thing but if you picture your family with three teenaged kids is less likely that you are reacting to the "empty nest" feeling of your youngest heading of to school. If you have "just one more" what would you do if you felt broody again accept the feeling or want to have a third?

I would count your blessings & stick with the 2. Just my personal view. I do know someone who has a severely disabled third, and while they absolutely love all their kids, it’s turned their lives upside down.

• have a fourth not a third.

Thanks, I'm finding this so helpful to get my head around my thoughts. I do think it's because my little one will be starting school and it's a reaction to that, but I'm one of three and loved it growing up.

We have three and we love it - it just felt like there was always someone missing before the last arrived. However, our friends tried for a third and ended up with twins...

Mind you I did want four originally but husband negotiated down!

Things to consider from a practical point of view, a car big enough for three across the back comfortably. Holidays - most places cater for a family of four so it is always more difficult/expensive to find places that will accept a family of five.

Otherwise we found that toys/clothes etc just get reused so it isn't a case of having to buy everything again and the house is always busy and noisy which I love.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

I have a 4 year old you couldn’t drag me back to the early days
2 boys too
We can house them, transport them, give them opportunities all of which would be impacted by 3

I know very little people with 3 all of them “joke” they are spread too thin and wish they’d listened to people who told them 3 was a bad idea

Maybe a dog?

Is this a biological clock thing? The fear of not having anymore?

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

YANBU to want a third. However there comes a time when the balance tips. I didn't want to try for a third in case it had a more detrimental effect on my existing family than benefit. Off the top of my head I considered - multiple birth, dangers pregnancy and birth brings, sever disability etc.

I agree with this. I once knew someone who had two perfectly healthy children. Went on to have a third and the third child is disabled which has had an enormous effect on her existing children and life beforehand.

I had this. We have decided not to try for a third, but it took me a long time to get over that broodiness and "accept" the decision. It helps to focus on all the benefits of sticking with two. I also think why roll the dice again? We know two families each with a very severely autistic child, so I have had a bit of insight into how the whole family has been affected.

I have a 4yo who will be starting school this September. Youngest of 2. I have mentally moved into the school years from the pre school years. I can't imagine going back to having a new baby. Both my children were awful sleepers and I couldn't put myself through that hell again!

I have a photo of my then 8 week old screaming blue murder ( which they did a lot) and a massive pile of washing and messy house in the background. It reminds me what those early months are like!

I'm excited for the next stage of my life.

I dont quite understand the percentages on the vote and maybe its because I have misunderstood the post.
I cant see how considering an option can every be wrong. You are expressing feelings and discussing the matter honestly and openly. Its all good.

We decided against a 3rd due to the impact that it would have on our children. I desperately wanted another one for a good few years but the only “for” reason was that I wanted one. There were lots of “against” reasons. 3 years on I’m completely happy that we made the right decision.

Thanks for the comments everyone.