Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask - can we have a very small truce?

54 replies

Furries · 23/12/2020 04:10

Was unsure where to post this. Really should be on Covid thread, but so many posts on AIBU, so sticking it here.

Obviously, this year has been monumentally shit. Obviously there are multiple points of view.

I duck and dive (not always posting) between multiple threads. There are some that do my head in, some where even just one poster has made me look at things in a different light.

People have strong feelings from all sides. I don’t agree with a lot of them. But, at the end of the day, we are all heading into the weirdest, collective, festive season that any of us will have known.

Everyone is having heightened responses to what’s going on. Some will want to “isolate” and others will want to “protest”. I have used the “” to try to sum up the basic oppositions, so don’t jump on me for them!

Whatever our feelings, would be nice if we could take a break for a day or so. Avoid speculation of what could be coming next week - just have a couple of days to not have to argue/defend our own points of view.

Next year is going to be “interesting” to say the least. Before then, I’d just like to hope that over the Christmas season we could try to take a small step back from arguing with/trying to convince each other that our view is the right one.

OP posts:
Sillysandy · 23/12/2020 08:12

Yes!

Do you mean like when the soldiers allegedly played football on Christmas day during WW1?

I said YANBU as I think your intention is fuelled by goodwill.

Mmn654123 · 23/12/2020 08:12

If you want the world to stop because you want to get off for a bit, that’s understandable. But it might be more effective if you just moderate your own behaviour to achieve the desired aim. You’re assuming others find debate as stressful as you seem to but they very likely don’t.

So, why not just take a break?

We’ll see you on the 27th. Have a really lovely Christmas, with no bickering or debate!!

VictoriasCousin · 23/12/2020 08:15

I think there's a lot of very angry people, a lot of very anxious people, a lot of very lonely people. If talking about Covid and Brexit etc. On here makes them feel any better, distracts them, gets them though, then I am grateful for it. I hope anybody who isn't benefiting takes a break from it when they need to.

For plenty of people Christmas is just another day, too. This is not a place for one country, one faith, one opinion, it's a place where everybody has the opportunity to have their point of view and voice heard. I wouldn't want anyone to feel shut down over Christmas, or at any other time of the year

PurpleDaisies · 23/12/2020 08:17

People are worried about what’s to come. It’s natural that they want to discuss it. I don’t know why that’s an issue. What would discussion without taking sides actually look like? Everyone has sn opinion.

It sounds like you might be best either taking a break from the site or hiding a lot of topics.

Mmn654123 · 23/12/2020 08:18

@Sillysandy

Yes!

Do you mean like when the soldiers allegedly played football on Christmas day during WW1?

I said YANBU as I think your intention is fuelled by goodwill.

Not quite the same though. Individual soldiers on either side couldn’t just decide to log off for a few days. Either they all had to stop fighting or they all had to continue fighting. But this is the internet, not a ww1 battleground and op can stop the war in her head any time she likes, without anyone else needing to change their behaviour.
Purplethrow · 23/12/2020 08:18

I get you Op x

Mmn654123 · 23/12/2020 08:19

It’s AIBU. We can all ‘get’ what the op means. But she’s still BU!

TheSilentStars · 23/12/2020 08:21

I get you too, OP.
Have a lovely Christmas Flowers

DfEisashambles · 23/12/2020 08:23

Yesterday I called some people ‘selfish c*nts’ on a thread and afterwards thought to myself, I would never usually do that!

Although it’s a lovely thought and may make people think twice I don’t think it’ll happen with the way things are going. But it’s a good thought OP.

slipperywhensparticus · 23/12/2020 08:23

Just do your own thing not on mumsnet

WanderingMilly · 23/12/2020 08:29

Why would you want a truce? I presume you are naturally one of those people who likes to broker peace between others, and thinks we should be 'nice' to each other because it's Christmas or whatever....

The thing is, it isn't going to happen on a site that welcomes rigorous debate. And just because you think a truce is a good idea, it's only one view amongst many.

You'd be best steering away from the argumentative debates for your own peace of mind perhaps?

People's views are aired, people have the opportunity to rant and rave, different perspectives are formed by arguing through all sides, I for one wouldn't want a "truce". I've had many of my comments slammed down on here....does me good! I read many more threads where I don't comment at all but I love the debate and learn so much.....

Eckhart · 23/12/2020 08:30

Nobody is subjecting you to reading the threads, OP. You are responsible for what you choose to read. If you don't like what you're reading, the solution isn't to ask everybody else to change their behaviour.

There's that nice little story about the guy walking through the streets with bare feet, cursing and cursing and allowing his days to be wrecked by the fact that he kept cutting his feet. 'Why do people drop so much glass?? Why are these stones so sharp?? Why hasn't anybody cleared up this mess??' But then he took responsibility for himself and got some shoes. Problem solved.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 23/12/2020 08:35

Avoid speculation of what could be coming next week - just have a couple of days to not have to argue/defend our own points of view.

Just to let you know, nobody has to argue/defend their own point of view and you can take a day off any time you like.

I can't come to bed, someone is wrong on the internet

PolarnOPirate · 23/12/2020 08:35

You can have a break for the Xmas period though. Just don’t come on here for a week or so. It’s like if a tree falls in a wood and no-one was there, did it make a sound? It’s irrelevant to you what is going on on here unless you’re here yourself.

lockeddownandcrazy · 23/12/2020 08:40

It is too important not to discuss - Christmas is far less important in the greater scheme

NameChange84 · 23/12/2020 08:41

I really don’t like being told what to do or have what I choose to post policed, sorry. This all feels a bit head girlish. People can post about, and have opinions that reflect, whatever they like. If it’s too much for an individual there’s no harm in avoiding certain topics or MN for a bit rather than trying to dictate or control others which will automatically piss off quite a lot of people.

Procrastination4 · 23/12/2020 08:42

If your life is governed by Mumsnet that much, you should consider giving up on it-seriously! Anything that’s causing you stress-give it up. Besides, you’ll gain hours of your life back. Wink
The website can be addictive but if you actually don’t bother with it for a while you’ll begin to forget all about it. I’m sure life is probably stressful enough this year without adding to it via feeling that you have to defend your stance on covid, whatever that may be. I don’t read threads on covid, unless they’re trending, and then I usually just scan them. There’s enough going on in the real world without having to be made more stressed by posts on covid here. So, rather than looking for a truce or whatever, just remove yourself from the “battle”-either temporarily or permanently. Once you’ve made the break, you might even decide not to bother getting involved in covid debates online again. At the end of the day, those debates don’t actually achieve anything concrete, so ceasing to be involved in them isn’t going to change anything but it might give you more time to do things that will actually enhance your life.

Christmassequins · 23/12/2020 08:49

I've hidden the covid topics since the outbreak started. Might occasionally post on the subject if someone strays into other threads, but generally I live in ignorance of the bickering. Really, there's very little arguing in our home in real life, why would I want to introduce it via an internet forum? Just hide the topic.

grapewine · 23/12/2020 08:49

@NameChange84

I really don’t like being told what to do or have what I choose to post policed, sorry. This all feels a bit head girlish. People can post about, and have opinions that reflect, whatever they like. If it’s too much for an individual there’s no harm in avoiding certain topics or MN for a bit rather than trying to dictate or control others which will automatically piss off quite a lot of people.
Agree with this. Just take a break instead of trying to get other adults to do as you'd like. It isn't going to go your way.
yetanothernamitynamechange · 23/12/2020 08:56

I guess its hard to avoid the topic completely, it affects so much of life right now it would be like the elephant in the room (eg a thread where the poster is organising Christmas at the last minute would have to side step the issue as to WHY they had decided not to go to parents as planned).
But maybe more gentleness, so if someone is complaining and very upset that their child doesnt get to see their grandparents for Christmas, people could avoid the whole, "people are dying and you are getting upset about one day" spiel. Conversely, if someone is worried about their BiL coming to say you could say you would be fine with it, but not accuse them of Covisteria..

partyatthepalace · 23/12/2020 09:59

It’s tedious I agree, but just avoid them.

Who made you God etc. This is a forum for discussion and debate, so that’s what people will do.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 23/12/2020 10:13

Wouldn’t it be easier to go to another website ?

Inpersuitofhappiness · 23/12/2020 11:09

The thing i have learnt so far in life, is that people can argue, and I can distance myself from the situation and not get involved.

When it comes to arguing about Covid, peoples responses, peoples reactions, peoples thoughts and concerns, I have to accept that we are all on a sliding scale, with a mixture of different thoughts.

I'm not too worried about arguing my stance, just as I'm not worried about arguing others stances. I am trying to protect myself and my family and I believe everyone is just doing what they believe to be the best thing.

I can't argue with people about it, I've just had my boundaries and made decisions to avoid people who don't do as were being advised to.

Arguing with them won't change their actions

TheSilentStars · 23/12/2020 11:12

The irony isn't lost of people telling the OP they don't like being told what to do, telling the OP what to do.
I believe it's also down to HQ to stop people from.posting so you can do one with your telling her to go to another website.
It's unpleasant how low the average MNer has gone over the past 8 years or so to be the nastiest person possible to someone who was just trying to be nice.

switswooo · 23/12/2020 11:35

The irony isn't lost of people telling the OP they don't like being told what to do, telling the OP what to do.

Most people have told OP very nicely to take a break from MN if it’s getting too much. That’s very different to telling thousand of posters to change the way they post.