Advice please

[Givemeabreak88]

I’m sorry to post this here but I’m really not sure where else to turn. I have 4 children my oldest is 9 and has autism, she is physically violent and tries to attack strangers and needs restraining. I can’t take her anywhere but equally she can’t be left home alone, I’m a lone parent and have no support from her father. I can’t physically never leave my house but she is triggered by anything and everything, someone walking past her and speaking on the phone is enough to cause a aggressive melt down, she is extremely sound sensitive and that’s her main triggers which can’t be avoided, she hates people talking on the Phone or laughing. I’ve had to stop her from attacking 2 people in the supermarket today. I just don’t know what to do anymore, is there someone that can advise me how I am meant to cope?

What do people do in this situation I can’t be the only one is there anyone else out there going through the same?

Gosh that must be super tough, as sound is a trigger would ear defenders help when in public?

Is there any noise that calm her, could you try that using headphones that block out other noise?

Oh I should have said she wears ear defenders at all time’s but they don’t stop the sounds unfortunately, she won’t west anything with music as she claims people are looking at her/laughing. Every time a person speaks she says it’s about her, it doesn’t matter what they are saying she says it’s at her. She screams at people constantly whenever we are out, she doesn’t have any understanding, she can speak but can’t understand a conversation I try to explain things to her but she doesn’t understand.

Do you have any help from outside agencies?

No we’ve never had any help, school referred us to cahms as she is the same there (no masking she wouldn’t know how to) but with the situation at the moment we have been waiting a long time.

I also have a younger child in a pram so it makes it harder to constantly have hold of her she runs out into roads, walks off, has no danger awareness at all.

Didn’t want to read and run but I’m not an expert. Have you tried anything else apart from CAMHS? Charities, local fb support groups, your council, Homestart?

have you contacted your children's disability team? They can assess what support you might be entitled to.

Could you refer yourself to social services for respite care? Prior to having my own children I provided fortnightly weekend care for a boy who sounds a lot like your daughter. He had two younger siblings and parents were struggling with never being able to go anywhere as a family.

I'm going to say something here, and I'm not saying it lightly.

Have you ever considered whether full time residential care for her might be a better environment for her, yourself, and your other children?

In the right residential care setting her carers would get respite, wouldn't have to go out shopping etc.

I honestly don't know how you are managing, and it will get harder as she gets bigger and stronger.

I'm so sorry to hear your story OP, and I'm afraid I don't have any experience of dealing with a child like this, but are there any online groups dealing with autism that could advise you? I've just Googled and found this site which if you haven't previously had time to look, might have some useful pointers:

www.friendshipcircle.org/blog/2013/07/15/15-indispensible-websites-for-parents-of-children-with-autism/

I'm afraid that's all I can suggest but hope that someone else will come along to offer more effective help soon.

I wish you luck.

Maybe consider a residential placement or at least some respite care to enable you to have a bit of a break? The situation sounds unsustainable.

In your situation I would give serious thought to medication. It might help her be calm enough to actually take part in life. I would also look at a large maclaren pushchair where she can be comfortable and safe when out. With baby in a carrier. See GP for medication and referral to wheelchair clinic who can provide extra large maclaren. Sending strength.

Thank you, I would be lying if I said I hadn’t considered residential care, she’s just getting so much harder now she’s older. I don’t drive so have to take her on the bus, if anyone sits behind us I am on edge the entire time because if they dare to speak on the phone that’s it, she’s having a massive melt down. My mum helps occasionally but she’s in her late 60s and struggles with her as well, she will throw herself on the floor and scream. I can deal with the shouting and screaming but it’s the attacking people I can’t manage with. She’s absolutely fine at home, she’s not violent towards me or her siblings in anyway. She just hates being outside in public. The noise is too much. I’m a few Facebook support groups for autism but today has been awful I was almost in tears in the supermarket today.

I think that unless some way can be found to manage her impulse to attack people, you need to consider residential care for her safety and the safety of anyone she comes into contact with. Because otherwise in a year or two once she gets too quick or strong for you she is going to assault and injure someone. I wouldn't want that on my conscience.

She sounds like she has alot of sensory needs
I am sure you have tried to find other ways of meetings those sensory needs. Is your daughter nonverbal? I really feel for you. Xxx

Have you been to visit any residential care facilities? Can you afford it? I’d start by investigating the options if you haven’t already. You don’t have to make any decisions right now especially while you’ve had some really trying times but if you look into the options you might find something that suits your family and some specialists who can help you work through the best solution for you all. You are not alone