Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Screen time (husband)

28 replies

Inwiththenew · 22/12/2020 18:11

We have a big tv in our open plan lounge/kitchen. I spend half the day controlling my sons screen time and dealing with the sulking. I personally wouldn’t put the tv on until after dinner, always. I just told my husband he’s not allowed to put the tv on. He’s gone off sulking to the bedroom with his iPad. I suppose I’d actually like him to make an effort to just hang out with me, because such a lot of our time together is disturbed by work things and him being in front of a screen as well. Our son is at his friends house, for me it’s an opportunity for us to just hang out a bit. But not for him he just wants to veg in front of the box. To be honest I find it so boring and childish! AiBU?

OP posts:
PawPawNoodle · 22/12/2020 18:15

He already has a mum, he doesn't need another one.

TVDFan · 22/12/2020 18:15

Who do you think you are to be telling your husband he isn't allowed to put the TV on in his own home?

If you don't want to watch TV then don't. But stop being controlling and dictating what your husband can or can't do.

MrsSchrute · 22/12/2020 18:22

I just told my husband he’s not allowed to put the tv on.

Firstly, you are not the boss of the TV, as a grown man he is allowed to watch his own TV.
Secondly, do you really want him to hang out with you because you have forbidden him to do anything else?

tobedtoMNandfart · 22/12/2020 18:27

You are bang out of order. You don't get to dictate how he chills out in his own home.

MrDarcyismines · 22/12/2020 18:29

Why are you trying to control your husband. ?!

jomaIone · 22/12/2020 18:32

Did you not think that as he has a few child free hours he just wanted to veg out? That's what I always want to do! You've not right to tell him what to do in his down time.

LaurieFairyCake · 22/12/2020 18:38

'Isn't allowed' Hmm

It's fucking Christmas 🎄! Who isn't watching tv ...

We're in fucking lockdown - what the fuck else is there to do once you've finished work apart from catch up on all the tv we've missed while bloody working

dontgobaconmyheart · 22/12/2020 18:40

If you don't want yhe dynamic where he is essentially another of your DC OP then don't treat him like one. You can't tell him he can't watch the tv -he's an adult in his own home. The sulking off with an iPad makes him sound pathetic though. Does he not also parent his sons and seek to manage their screen time? The whole thing sounds very wearing. There need to be set time- the DC can watch the tv and/or some sort of very clear reward method for watching it or you'll be doing this indefinitely.

Surely it would be better to tackle why the relationship has got to the point that it has, request that he talk about it with you meaningfully and agree how to move forward and arrange quality time together and when. Ultimately you do both have a problem if he never wants to socialise with you and you're in a dynamic where you've become his mother.

1Morewineplease · 22/12/2020 18:41

So why do you have a big screen in your living area then? Why do you get to dictate your family's screen time?

MichelleScarn · 22/12/2020 18:42

So what happens in the activity designated purely by you 'hanging out time'?

reginaphalangeeee · 22/12/2020 18:42

You actually told your husband he wasn't allowed to put on the TV?! Seriously?

TheLadyGrayson · 22/12/2020 18:44

Yikes 😬

Original poster
Inwiththenew · 23/12/2020 20:31

OMG I’ve been roasted! I’m not normally controlling I suppose that’s why I put the question out there. I just get sick of screens taking over everything. And I think time can be better spent if you just keep the tv off. I realise that is totally boring for some. But I’m the sort of person who loves a power cut. But I accept that sometimes we just need to veg in front of it and he needs to do that more than me. And I’ll ask him why he doesn’t want to socialise with me more often.

OP posts:
Heartbeat3 · 23/12/2020 21:07

If I said to my husband you've had enough screen time, he'd tell me to jog on lol

LagunaBubbles · 23/12/2020 21:11

Only on Mumsnet would a grown woman try and control a grown man's own time. Of course youre controlling!

MeanWeedratStew · 23/12/2020 21:17

The more you try to control him, the less he will want to hang out with you. That's why he's gone off with his iPad.

More flies with honey, OP. Rather than dishing out orders for him to obey (how unsexy), try telling him you miss him and would like some time to chat and just be together.

Lemmeout · 23/12/2020 21:20

I don’t see the op controlling her husband, I see she wants her husband to prioritise time with her over goggling their way through marriage with a tv on.

MrDarcyismines · 23/12/2020 21:27

Maybe you are more controlling in your marriage than you realise, if you didn't realise what you said what controlling. That's worrying!

Gettingthereslowly2020 · 23/12/2020 21:29

If a man ever told me I'm not allowed to watch television in my own home, he'd be out on the street before he could finish his sentence!

"Screen time"?! You're treating him like he's a child. Has he got a reward chart for doing his chores?! You're not his mother.

PlanDeRaccordement · 23/12/2020 21:36

YABVU and controlling.
If you want to spend time with your DH have a conversation about things you can do together that you both like. You can’t bark out orders of “tv not allowed” and expect an adult to then want to be around you.

Darbs76 · 23/12/2020 21:42

Sorry also agree you’re out of order and controlling, guessing your husband doesn’t appreciate being spoken to like one of your children.

HangOnToYourself · 23/12/2020 21:47

Agree with the others that you were completely out of order. I understand the intention behind it but have handled it horribly and you owe your husband an apology. You need to have a proper chat about how you miss spending time together and that it would be great of you could both make an effort to put some time aside every week just to spend it with each other but you absolutely cant dictate that he must do that.

MichelleScarn · 23/12/2020 22:18

And I think time can be better spent if you just keep the tv off and if he doesn't?

Dishwashersaurous · 23/12/2020 22:28

If you dance naked around the kitchen and he is still watching tv.

Then you have a problem....

MeanWeedratStew · 23/12/2020 23:20

Also, taking some time out from a partner who thinks she's the boss in the relationship does not constitute "sulking". He's not a moody teenager, he's a grown man who, quite rightly, objects to having another adult dictate his leisure time.

Do you respect him, OP? Do you see him as your equal? Some of your language suggests you see him as more of a child than a partner.