AIBU - references to "cool girls"

[NotPrude]

I signed up a few weeks ago so somewhat new to the world of MN. I'm learning a lot about general trends here but one thing I can't get my head around is calling grown women "cool girls" or "up for anything girls".

It tends to be in the context of threads where women comment about how open they are sexually, whether it be with their husbands / partners or casual arrangements.

I see several comments where other users call such women the "cool girls" or "up for anything girls" or worse, women with low standards and low bars. Is it just be or is that not unnecessarily rude and patronising. No one is trying to act "cool", I mean, who even uses that word anymore to describe someone. It sounds like we've gone back 20 years to junior school when the girls who had boyfriends were seen as cool, but we all grew up from those days...

Or is it meant to be an insult? Some of the language used by such posters verge on (or are) slut shaming, so maybe they think it's derogatory to call someone a "cool" girl?

I don't know, I don't get. Is it just me or is anyone else a bit like "huh, seriously" when they see such comments?

I think it's often used as a retaliation against those who call people prudes or pearl-clutchers because they're not okay with their husbands watching porn, visting strip clubs or shagging the next door neighbour. There's just as much prude-shaming as slut-shaming on here.

I see it as the same as a man telling you you’re not like other women. It’s to keep you compliant. So and so would kick up a stink if I stayed out all night/went to a strip club/whatever. But not you. You’re cool. Not like other women.

Yes OP I've seen it too.Very rude and slut shaming. People have different levels of comfort in a relationship but there are definitely a section of posters on MN who want to denigrate women who don't care if their husbands masterbate or look at porn. As if they are bothered really but they're so desperate to be 'cool' they pretend they're not. It's incredibly patronising.

@AgnesNaismith Lots of porn is completely home made and not demeaning to women.

[quote NotPrude]@Batshittery No there was one very recently about FWB and the different types of FWB. There were a few comments about only the "cool girls" being up for very casual FWB / FBs and there was genuinely a poster who said women who have casual sex either have mental health issues, have been abused or have no morals. I was genuinely amazed at the lack of outrage at that comment![/quote]
I remember that comment, shocking!

Completely agree about the 'cool girl' thing. I get what Gillian Flynn(?) is saying in the novel about men's expectations of women being unrealistic as women can find it hard to assert boundaries.

But the way it is used on here is often slut shaming and narrow minded. Just because you might not enjoy casual sex doesn't mean everyone else can't!

I've seen on here "cool mum" eg, you're not disciplining your child because you want to be a cool mum.

I've had that said against me when I wasn't as upset as MN wanted me to be at my (then) 15yr old potentially having alcohol at a party.

@NotOfThisWorld it all feeds into the same machine.

Isnt it like how they describe it in Gone Girl. It's defo cool girls.

I think it's more aimed at women who put up with shit from men so that men will like them more

That's what I thought. It's someone who does have an issue with her boyfriend getting lap dances but pretends she doesn't.

I have never once seen ‘up for anything girls’, and a Google search of the site only turned up this thread, so I’m not sure where you’ve seen that. 1952, maybe?

Glad you’re not a prude though, go you...

@GoldenOmber Haha I knew my name would get picked up on! It was a name I created when I was commenting on a thread about sex and orgasms and I've used it ever since! Probably should change it...

But I definitely saw someone use up for anything the other day!

Like everything, it was intended as a criticism of men and their unrealistic expectations but has evolved into yet another misogynistic insult.

@Pukkatea

Like everything, it was intended as a criticism of men and their unrealistic expectations but has evolved into yet another misogynistic insult.

Agreed.

It is quite depressing to see sometimes posters virtually elbowing each other out of the way on a thread to prove how they wouldn't be bothered by whatever shit thing it is the OP's partner's done, but I don't think sneering 'cool girls' at them particularly helps anyone.

@AgnesNaismith

I don’t agree. I don’t think it’s used to pull women down but to open their eyes to the fact their reality has been shaped by their upbringing in the patriarchy.

Yes this is what I'd mean by the term. I'd be more likely to use it to describe my former self than anyone else though. Still hard cringing at some of the privileged views I used to hold about prostitution, for example.