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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to expect my family to skype on Xmas day?

15 replies

MiddleOfThePack · 22/12/2020 14:19

My parents [both in their 80s] and my 2 DSs all live up north. I'm down south.

One DS lives with my parents and the other lives 10 minutes' walk away. As she's single, she's part of their 'bubble', so they can all be together for Xmas Day as usual.

I have always missed Xmas Day with them as we have never been up for Xmas after I had baby #3. Too many people, too much stress; too expensive to get up there and stay for a few days. My choice for moving so far away I guess.

However, now it's the 21stC and we have wonderful things called skype, whatsapp, facetime, zoom, etc, we can all talk to each other and see each other at the same time! How wonderful is that kind of technology? Before you start saying that my parents are in their 80s and what did I expect, they are both pretty tech-savvy, so they have both skype'd before.

Roll on to now. My Dad has become so set in his ways [pretty much OCD] and everything has to be done at the same time every day, and never altered. He won't talk to me now on skype as he can't cope with more than 1 person talking at a time [how he ever brought me and my 2 DSs up I don't know].

I've just suggested to them and my DSs that we make a time to talk via skype to each other on Xmas Day and have been soundly told off. They won't do morning, as they always eat at 12:30; we eat anywhere between 3 and 5pm]. So, I suggest sometime in the evening. No, that's not good enough. One of my DSs then said why don't we do Boxing Day when we are all less stressed. Other DS and parents both leapt to agree to that.

The whole point is to speak to them on Xmas Day?? I don't see them often enough - the last time was 2 weeks before lockdown when I went up on my own. Now that we have the technology to see each other, why won't they just do that?

My parents have never been the doting kind, but my sisters could encourage it a bit more surely. When my YS turned 18 earlier in the year, during lockdown, my Dad couldn't even spare 5 minutes to come and wish his youngest GS a happy birthday. They didn't send him anything to mark the occasion either. Not even a card.

I just feel so angry that they can't make the effort. My sisters see my parents every single day, and I miss them all morethan I have ever told them. Every so often, it would be such a joy to see them all - virtually or otherwise.

OP posts:
NotOfThisWorld · 22/12/2020 14:24

I get you OP. They're all having Christmas together and you're left out. I can udnerstand how your dad feels - as he's much older now there'll be things he can't cope with which would have been fine before. That said it's mean of your sisters not to make the effort if you've been clear that it's important to you.

I kind of feel the similar about by parents. My brother will have Christmas with them and I'm definitely not even an afterthought.

LubaLuca · 22/12/2020 14:29

I hate family Skype calls. We've got a Zoom call booked in for 7pm on Christmas Day, and I know it will be hanging over me a bit all day. They're more of an event than a phone call, so there's more pressure to be 'on' and focused on being lively.

Maybe arrange to have a brief video call with just your dad so he's not bombarded with images and voices, then another with your mum.

M4J4 · 22/12/2020 14:41

That's rubbish. Is it Skype they're against, or a phone call too?

I would call them on Xmas Day, if they answer great, if not, leave it.

If they're in their 80s, I would excuse them from cards etc. Take a step back and match their effort if it makes it easier to bear. Does your sister send a card?

ThatchersGapingVag · 22/12/2020 14:47

Sorry Op, I'm only 36 but I'm one of those people that really hates Skype calls. I'm on them all week for work and they do my head in.

Friends and family keep wanting to do zoom drinks and chats now and I hate it. It's stressful and annoying, and if there's any more than 4 people I just can't be arsed. People talk at the same time, it's awkward and stilted and unnatural, I just don't like it. I always leave them feeling stressed and annoyed. Having kids involved in them too sounds like even more of a pain.

Some people don't like them. I'd rather a quick 10 min phone call.

HighSpecWhistle · 22/12/2020 14:51

YABU.

I hate skyping, it's not fun listening to everyone talking over one another. The conversation is usually stilted and tbh I get nothing from it. I have two kids so your comment about your dad having kids is irrelevant.

Why don't you usually (pre Covid) make the effort to go up North for Xmas? They're your children and your excuses are too many people, too much stress?

Maybe they're sick of you not making an effort and can't be bothered to make an effort in return.

Looks like you'll have to settle for Boxing Day.

Musicaltheatremum · 22/12/2020 15:36

I hate it too. We are going to do one on Christmas day and my daughter has trained my parents again how to do it. But it won't be long I hope. My partner and I have friends who Skype their families abroad every day...for hours... lovely if you like it but otherwise rubbish.

QueenArseClangers · 22/12/2020 15:50

Posters saying that they themselves hate Skype/video calls - the OP is talking about her parents, not some distant relatives or friends!
YANBU. You mentioned that they’ve never been doting parents and they’ve obviously stayed that way Flowers

TeenageMutantNinjaCovid · 22/12/2020 15:52

Skype - is it 2008?

Hell on earth. We have declined all offers to zoom (young and poor) TEAMs (professionals) or face time (grandparents)

Skype is over 85 with a 25 year old dial up pc tower

PlanDeRaccordement · 22/12/2020 15:54

YANBU to want a Skype with family during Christmas season
But YABU to reject doing it on Boxing Day instead of Christmas Day.

LubaLuca · 22/12/2020 16:02

Posters saying that they themselves hate Skype/video calls - the OP is talking about her parents, not some distant relatives or friends!

I was talking about parents and siblings too Grin

MiddleOfThePack · 22/12/2020 16:49

We don't go up for Xmas because my Dad hates other people in the house. Even when I go on my own, he will walk out if mum and I start chatting. He has high BP and the last time they came here he almost had a heart attack as he found the kids (younger then) too much.

My kids are all grown ups so they could t accommodate all of us or cope with us all being there at once.

OP posts:
Notnt · 22/12/2020 16:56

I don't see anything wrong with boxing day, that would be my preference in the same situation, instead of sometime during Christmas day.
We'll be dropping presents off with local family on Christmas Eve, and probably video call parents (other UK country) then too.

partyatthepalace · 22/12/2020 20:31

I’d be a bit upset too, but some people are v fixed c how they do Christmas. It’s about them not you - so do it on Boxing Day and enjoy.

Have a good Christmas!

partyatthepalace · 22/12/2020 20:33

.... I mean being funny c Skype is about them not you, not that Christmas is about them not you. To be clear...

FizzyPink · 22/12/2020 20:34

That’s really sad OP, I’d be hurt in your position. I can’t go home for Christmas this year and it sounds like my family are planning on spending all day on FaceTime to make sure I don’t miss anything.

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