Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Childcare bubble and Christmas

14 replies

vaccinationstation · 22/12/2020 10:57

So, I know lots of people hate a covid thread, but I wanted a range of views and those in the coronavirus section will be the ones who are more cautious.

We are in Tier 4. Parents are in Tier 2. Because they live abroad much of the year and have only been in the U.K. since November we formed a childcare bubble with them post quarantine within the rules and let them provide childcare for our DD(2) so that they could spend time with her. We felt this could be justified - it allowed us to be working or doing admin during the day rather than late at night, though we could certainly have managed without if necessary (as we had to in previous lockdowns). We tried hard to stay out of the way whilst they did this - they took offence, but we felt we probably ought to because this is what the rules require (ie childcare not socialising) and because I am now heavily pregnant and they are not very compliant with social distancing or mask wearing.

Before Christmas was cancelled in tier 4, we would have seen both sets of grandparents (PIL have seen outside for walks where rules permitted). We were not absolutely comfortable with this given GPs generally being a bit cavalier and me being pregnant, but we reasoned that it would cause too much upset not to and we would switch to seeing people outside for last 2 months of pregnancy to manage risk (plus my DD is still at pre school for continuity/socialisation sake, so we are not risk free and we have to be a bit pragmatic).

Parents have just messaged angling to come tomorrow, stay over until 24th and use childcare exemption rather than the previously permitted Christmas bubble rules. Have said no because: 1) we are not working those days, so would need to find a childcare pretext for them to come, stay over and travel from tier 2 (I mean, I could find lots of reasons why I might want childcare as our house is a state, but not super necessary ones!); 2) would be unfair on PIL to invent a pretext for DPs and yet still refuse to see them; 3) I'm not sure they are allowed to stay overnight if we would be the ones looking after our DD and it is feasible for them to get home (they live 1hr30 away, fit healthy in 60s, so capable of driving). (I haven't told them this, but I also know that they spent last night in a pub with my sister and husband (who are visiting them) in tier 2, so it's not like they are doing anything differently for my sake or even attempting to meet us half way!).

They will be/are pissed off, and will think that I am simply inventing reasons not to see them (am often cast as the difficult child and am the only observer of the rules in my family).

I do feel guilt about this, though, as obviously they haven't seen my DD much this year and I do want her to have a good relationship with her GPs.

AIBU?

OP posts:
vaccinationstation · 22/12/2020 10:57

Sorry, really long!!

OP posts:
Jangle33 · 22/12/2020 11:01

YANBU! It’s outside of rules. They’ve seen lots of her already. Put your foot down!

borageforager · 22/12/2020 11:01

YANBU.

Freddiefox · 22/12/2020 11:01

I wouldn’t either. I’d stick to the rules

Nottherealslimshady · 22/12/2020 11:06

Tbh I think you need to be prioritising your health atm considering you're pregnant. Your immune system isn't very good in pregnancy and you really dont want to get ill, because 1. You feel shit being very ill and pregnant but also 2. You dont want symptoms or a positive test in case you need hospital or a midwife appointment.

You're taking advantage of the childcare bubble, you don't actually NEED childcare, so I dont think you should be pretending you do. There are no loopholes, you're not changing your risk by finding a legal excuse for it. You're only fooling yourself really aren't you.

DD is only 2, she wont really notice and they'll rebuild a relationship quickly.

My niece is 18mo, doesn't remember me, it's fine, it wont be forever.

Meredithgrey1 · 22/12/2020 11:06

You wouldn't need a childcare reason really, the childcare can be for any reason, it isn't restricted in the legislation, so could be just because you wanted a break.
However, only the child and the other household can mix, the parents cant mix with the other household. So they can't come round on christmas day and just sit around with you and DD because they're in a childcare bubble.

vaccinationstation · 22/12/2020 11:08

Thank you very much all of you!

I have a slightly difficult relationship with them - I love them very much, but they do tend to sulk if they don't get their way and obviously the balance has changed a bit since I have had DD. I am wired up to try to please for an easy life, so I don't find boundaries easy.

OP posts:
vaccinationstation · 22/12/2020 11:14

@Nottherealslimshady

Thank you for giving me a push. I agree with this. DH and I were working really hard in November and I reasoned that it wasn't great for me to be working until super late and not getting enough sleep either, so I decided to let them see DD for childcare in November/December and get properly on top of things so that I could then cut back and go outside only with less guilt in Jan/Feb to avoid getting burned out, though I could have pushed on and worked weekends etc to make up hours. I feel I have done catch up now and my DH and I are totally off over Christmas so really no justification on the basis of necessity.

I shall strengthen my resolve.

OP posts:
Brighterthansunflowers · 22/12/2020 11:22

YANBU

Childcare bubbles are for childcare only, not socialising and not staying overnight (unless childcare is actually needed overnight such a parents working night shifts)

vaccinationstation · 22/12/2020 11:27

Thank you!! I thought so, even read the legislation - basically, reasonable necessity is key in the law on childcare bubbles and I don't think allowing an overnight stay would be reasonably necessary for us.

OP posts:
Useruseruserusee · 22/12/2020 11:30

YANBU.

We are Tier 4 and were planning to see my parents on Christmas Day. They are our childcare bubble and provide 3 days a week childcare whilst DH and I work (both teachers).

We have cancelled, it’s clear that you should only be mixing on Xmas day if you are in a support bubble.

vaccinationstation · 22/12/2020 11:32

Thank you. Agreed - it is tricky but childcare bubbles are for childcare.

OP posts:
Nottherealslimshady · 22/12/2020 13:46

It's hard to stay firm when others aren't and are taking it personally. But "none of us want to put baby at any risk do we?" "The most important thing is keeping baby safe" works really well, I haven't had anyone who would even argue with me on that Smile

vaccinationstation · 22/12/2020 14:08

Thanks very much!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.